IfYouCanDream

It's my 7th day without a drink today and I'm feeling stuck.

I made a firm decision not to drink, made a plan of what to do to start the recovery FOR REAL this time, I am sticking to it and yet I find that those sentiments are still there, just hiding under the surface.

I went to a meeting last Sunday, it was the best one so far (and the first one in 3 years) and I felt truly enlightened. I couldn't believe how deep it has touched me. I never thought it was even possible. For the first time I *really* embraced step 1. Accepting that I was powerless brought me to tears and a blissful state of mind which I have never experienced before. That lasted for a few days, still lasts but I can slowly feel those romantic notions about alcohol creeping in... I'm going to the next meeting tomorrow and I hope it helps, but I'm just worried that those thoughts are still there. Some crazy visions of my just enjoying a nice big glass of red, which my reason knows to be a complete BS, as I always had one thing in mind when drinking - to get drunk, to a state of complete oblivion. I want to find a sponsor and start working the steps, I can say I'm impatient to start. I definitely have some underlying emotional problems and my spiritual life is non-existent at the moment and I feel this is the best route to go. But I also want to do it the right way, which probably means at least a couple weeks, checking out different meetings to find the right sponsor etc. How do I cope in the meantime?

I'm also finding myself fantasizing about being a normie one day again... Which I know is never going to be an option for me. All this internal struggle between my reason, which KNOWS that those thoughts are wrong and this part of me which seems to be longing destruction leaves me quite confused and simply exhausted.

How to deal with that? I know resisting those thoughts is perhaps the worst way to go, as they will only grow stronger (what you resist - persists).

What were your coping strategies in the first weeks of recovery? I am already praying, meditating, exercising, eating well and trying to rest as well. What helped you the most before your recovery plan came to the full speed (like working with a sponsor, working on 12 steps etc.)

How do I shut those thoughts down for good?

ScottFromWI

It sounds like you are doing a lot of things right, congrats on your first week. It sounds cliche, but some things simply take time. You are very, very early on in your sober journey and still possibly within the "acute withdrawal" window or at the very end of it. Your body needs time to adjust physically and mentally. The cravings and thoughts of alcohol will fade over time, just remember that it doesn't take just one week to completely transform our lives back from years of damage and abuse.

I don't think you should simply suppress the thoughts either...deal with them as you are right now - discuss here on SR and at meetings, ask lots of questions too. Getting them out there is always a good thing in my book, that way you can deal with them head on.

red3215

Absolutely no fantasizing about alcohol! There's no reason to. I think denial is already setting in when thoughts about drinking "just one" or "maybe I'm not that bad" start up. Nip it in the bud early and get on this board or call someone if you're in AA and don't wait for those thoughts to get stronger.

I'm still recovering but I've found a lot of things that stop me from drinking when I follow my own advice. You sound serious about quitting and you can definitely do this. I would write a little more but I have to go, i'm in a rush. Thank you for your thoughtful post

AnvilheadII

How do I shut those thoughts down for good?

first that might not happen OR it could take a long time. i'm over 8 years off crack cocaine and while i am 1000% certain i will NEVER come close to using again, every once in a while a stupid thought will saunter by.

and that's the goal for me.....the stupid thought can appear, and i let it move on thru, and get on with things. i don't dwell on it. or fight it. just accept it as any one of the thousands of thoughts that cross my mind in a given day. don't GIVE the thoughts any power. don't pay them homage, or quake in their presence.

practice my friend. lots and lots of practice. repetition, consistency in response. no means no.

today i will not use under any circumstances or for any reason whatsoever. period. end of discussion. each day i will ask myself two questions:

1. What am I WILLING to do for my recovery?
2. What am I GOING to do for my recovery?

willingness and action.

FreeOwl

for good?

well.... I sometimes wonder if they ever really shut down "for good". Probably they would if we were to move off to a nomadic tribal society somewhere in a mountainscape where alcohol didn't exist. Maybe....

but, I can say with confidence these thoughts and romantic notions to fade and subside.

In the early days it's a lot harder.

You mentioned that for the first time you 'really embraced' step one. What did you mean by that, specifically?


I ask you this because I was around AA for quite a while before I actually DID Step 1. I believed I'd 'embraced' it and 'done' it, until I finally got a sponsor and WORKED it.

In my case, working it involved completing and reflecting on a 20+ page workbook that was filled with questions about my personal history with drinking. How it impacted my life, how the impacts evolved over time, the impact on relationships, spirituality, work, family, emotions, mind, body, activities. It was a very thorough set of questions that took me on a meandering journey from the age of 14 to the age of 42 forcing an honest look at the whole picture.

What I found this work did was make it a LOT harder for me to fall into the thinking that maybe my life really was 'manageable'. Maybe I wasn't 'powerless'. Maybe I'd just had some bad luck here and there. Laying it all out in a big complete story made it a lot harder for me to think romantically about the 'fun' of alcohol without it being glaringly obvious how out of synch that romanticism was with my own personal reality.

So.... one suggestion if you've not already done so is perhaps find a good sponsor and get to work on Step 1 in a really active and thorough fashion. It isn't just about saying "I am powerless and my life has become unmanageable". It's about getting thoroughly honest and specific about what that has meant for YOU personally and the direction that is leading in your life.

mns1

I agree with others in that I doubt those thoughts will ever disappear for good. We simply must learn to manage them. With time, they do become less frequent, that is for sure. But for me, that only comes with the ability to stop a thought about drinking dead in it's tracks.

I've kind of taken from several approaches recommended on here to end up with a technique that is almost meditative. Many meditation techniques focus on breathing. You simply "clear your mind" and listen to your breath as you steadily breathe in and out. And any time a though pops into your mind, you quickly dismiss it and bring your focus back to your breathing.

I apply this to whatever activity I am currently doing, be it watching TV, reading, working, doing dishes, whatever. If feel an urge or any thought about alcohol, I quickly bring my focus back to what I am doing. I don't really know how to explain it. It's like ignoring someone you don't like. They try to get your attention, and you briefly acknowledge them, then quickly dismiss their presence.

This can take a lot of focus and determination at first. I must be honest. But the more you do this, I've found, the less and less frequent those thoughts become.

Soberwolf

Hello ifyoucandream i know what you mean but it takes time i had my last craving at month 5

When i got sober i started going group therapy with other alcoholics & drug addicts 3 days a week

I was speaking to an alcoholic outreach team arranged by my local hospital

I was going mtns started doing service teas coffee setting up etc every other day

I started to volenteer at my local hospital

I always went the extra mile

The reason im saying this is because not only did it fill up time but it was time well spent i was learning all the time and making myself better

I always say sobriety is an upgrade of self

brynn

Mns1, I think youre describing mindfulness maybe? That's what it sounds like to me at least.

And I'm really glad you reminded us of that technique! It's a great way to get yourself back in the moment and I definitely need to be practicing that!

Ifyoucandream....I was just talking about this the other day to my December class! I'm almost five weeks sober, but I catch myself having mini daydreams about drinking and it's frustrating! The thought pops in my mind more often than I care to admit actually! I will never drink again...I've made the commitment, but the thoughts are still there and bordering on intrusive sometimes.

Thanks for starting this thread!

anattaboy

Uh, once a Kettle One commercial came on and I could feel it, taste it. That was 5 yrs. ago and I just laughed it off but I've had 2 good ones this time around. Both times I talked it out (wife is in recovery too) and came here, not posting right away but here. Also just doing mundane stuff helps. Doing something till the mind follows. That principle I learned from AA.

mns1

Yes brynn mindfulness is the perfect word for it! And it takes practice.

Nonsensical

I found the opposite to be true. The more (and more often) I resisted the stronger I felt, which diminished the relative power of the alcohol thoughts in general.

I also found getting a better understanding of my thoughts was very helpful. Alcohol was destroying my life, but I kept imagining it as something good. WHY?
In order to understand those thoughts I had to analyze them. Why does my brain only want to recall the good times? Why does a thought that I know to be a lie keep recurring - and why do I want to believe that lie? Why is drinking so important to me that I would risk everything I have to do it again?

I found understanding (even only partially) those thoughts gave them boundaries and limitations, and deprived them of power.

FourSeasons

This Sticky by Dee is one of my all time favorites and it is so true. Yeah, I romantize sipping a nice glass of wine. Truth is, I start out with one or two dainty sips and then start to guzzle. It is never just one. My advice, and it is the same advice I have received so many time here, is to play the record through.

Good Luck!

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ouncement.html

Notmyrealname

When I start having fancy thoughts about glamorous drunken outings I come to SR and get a nice fresh dose of reality from some of the the real-life alcohol-related tragedies related on this board.

Some of them are mine.



Wow, that sounded pretty grim things are going pretty good here, don't worry 'bout ol' Mr Not

IfYouCanDream

I meant I fully acknowledged and understood it was true for me. It was an overwhelming sensation, both for my mind and body. I guess before, when I was coming across 12 steps on various occasions when trying to sort out my drinking problem I was seeing it as 'kinda true' but this time around there was some sort of resignation and giving up. It's hard to explain.
I can imagine that working on it as described by FreeOwl would certainly deepen and strengthen the understanding of step one. A great deal.