Angelscry

MY AH has a very responsible position in his company dealing with large amounts of cash as well as company vehicles. His boss knows he had a drug problem but is not aware that it is ongoing. AH has been clean but is now in a relapse again well to be plain he is using again. I am thinking of raising his bottom so that he can see that he is headed for trouble.
I want to go see his boss and ask him for his help in doing an intervention. But I don't know if I should and if it will work. I cannot aproach family cause they have written him off this time.

ubntubnt

sounds like a bad idea to me to be honest

totfit

No.

9111111

Can AH's actions at work affect you financially or legally?
In that case I would talk to a lawyer. Might make sense to protect yourself and your children (?) first.

Mountainmanbob

This might be a good idea if - his boss is also a good friend of his.
Remember - this could lead to the loss of his employment.
Thinking that would have a great effect on you and your family ?
MM

Ann

Talking to his boss won't make him get clean...nothing will make him get clean until he is ready. His boss is aware of his problem and can probably spot the changes himself.

My thoughts are to protect yourself legally and take care of you.

I hope he finds a better path soon.

Hugs

Lovenjoy

i don't think you should do this as i believe we each (i am a recovering alcoholic with an addict son) reach our own bottom from our own actions and consequences.

as with his addiction the same goes for his recovery:

you didn't cause it.
you cannot control it.
you cannot cure it.

that being said i truly understand, truly, the desire to wake him up and help him find the light. but we can't do this for them. i hope you are taking care of you and your wonderful children... you can control how you live your life and you can control the quality of your children's lives.

we are not the addict. we are impacted by the fallout, yet since i have taken to heart the wisdom of SR about taking care of myself, protecting myself, and being there for my granddaughter i am much less impacted by his disease. and my life improves everyday.

alanon, therapy, being kind to myself, laughing with the little one, and just being present in my own life are tools i am using to keep his darkness from swallowing me..... once i let go of the 'why do i need to do anything, he's the addict!' mindset i realized that taking the activities of worry, anxiety, fear, suspicion, monitoring that never made a bit of difference, and channelled that energy into my own healing - many good changes began to happen. for me.

you are not alone Angelscry. let us walk with you.

SoberLeigh

Unless he is endangering the live or health of his co-workers, no.

SoberLeigh

Brilliant, Lovenjoy.

AnvilheadII

I am thinking of raising his bottom so that he can see that he is headed for trouble.

that is simple not possible. YOU don't have the kind of power, none of us do. and it really isn't his boss's job to INTERVENE. you run a great risk of getting him fired and that will bring great havoc to your already chaotic life.

maybe it's time to raise your own bottom, and see where YOU are headed??

zoso77

AC...

Short answer: no. The potential unintended consequences of doing something like that are enormous. Plus, it's not your place to do something like that. Stand back and allow whatever is supposed to happen to him happen.

ShootingStar1

No. It is not your job or duty to interfere in his work or work relationships.

Talking to his boss would most likely get him fired immediately. Anyone overseeing financial/cash aspects of a business - his boss - has a fiduciary duty to the company to protect its assets. And to do that, having confirmation from his spouse that he is a drug addict, they would terminate his employment on the spot.

ShootingStar1

Angelscry

I just want to say thank u to all u wonderful people here on SR that took the time out of your busy lives to post a reply. And thank you for all the support over the past years. You probably have no idea how much it helps to have a safe place to turn to when I need help or clarity. I recall appreciate it.

Thanks for helping me get clarity on this one. Sometimes I get panicked and I just don't think straight. You all have confirmed it, so I won't speak to his boss. Its not my place to intervere and so I won't even though stepping back is so damn hard ill do it.

Thanks,

Angels cry.

Angelscry

I just want to say thank u to all u wonderful people here on SR that took the time out of your busy lives to post a reply. And thank you for all the support over the past years. You probably have no idea how much it helps to have a safe place to turn to when I need help or clarity. I recall appreciate it.

Thanks for helping me get clarity on this one. Sometimes I get panicked and I just don't think straight. You all have confirmed it, so I won't speak to his boss. Its not my place to intervere and so I won't even though stepping back is so damn hard ill do it.

Thanks,

Angels cry.

Lovenjoy

just wanted to say oh yeah - i come here because it is my safe place too!!! i feel that this compassionate community saved my sanity! the knowledge and caring and sharing is something i never would have dreamed existed.

it is one of Ann's strangely wrapped gifts!

BlueChair

I think its ok and can be very helpful but it depends on the specific relationship he has with his employer. I say this because my husbands employer, and good friends inside the company were invaluable in helping us raise his bottom (which would have been death according to his doctor), getting him into rehab, and putting his life back on track. I would never wait for bottom myself but its only my opinion. Bottom may be my wife and boss had to help me accept treatment because I was in complete denial. In our case, We also had family and professionals involved, but the key in terms of my husbands employer is they are invested in him, hes an integral part of the business, they were willing to invest more in him , and they are overall good people. Sometimes people are limited on what they can do because of corporate policy or something, and of course income is at risk, but they will find out in time probably. My husband made very bad decisions while at work and they came to light after he was in rehab. He was lucky they once again were willing to work through it with him, and hes still with them.

ShootingStar1

I disagree, BlueChair. I am very glad that the intervention for your husband from you and his employer worked; that is great.

However, in this case large amounts of cash are involved, and it is highly unlikely that another employee or boss can take the legal risk to overlook mismanagement or theft of cash/funds. It is against their fiduciary duty as an employee and would cost them their jobs. The owner of a business might take that risk, but it is unlikely and I am not hearing in this case that the owner has any particular bias toward helping Angelcry's husband.

So the most likely outcome is immediate termination for Angelscry's husband.

ShootingStar1

ShootingStar1

BlueChair, I disagree with you. I am very glad that in your husband's case, the company owner was a close enough friend to join in an intervention; that is great.

There is no suggestion that Angelcry's husband's boss is a friend here. And there is a great amount of cash/funds at stake.

If another employee/boss of the company knows and overlooks the possibility of him stealing or mismanaging money, they are breaking their fiduciary duty to protect the company that is a part of their employment terms, spoken or unwritten. They risk losing their own job.

As soon as the company knows that Angelcry's husband is using drugs and a risk, they will fire him. They don't have a lot of other recourse.

Angelscry, it is likely that, unless your husband gets sober and in treatment, that he will lose his job in a short or longer timeframe. Time for you to think about your finances so that you can protect yourself if he really tanks.

Good luck to you, we're here to support you.

ShootingStar1

ShootingStar1

Carlotta

Personally I would not say anything unless (which does not seem to be the case here) he drives for a living or operates heavy machinery and could seriously hurt others.