I don't fit in at AA
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Ottawa
Posts: 2
I don't fit in at AA
Hi, I'm a binge drinker and my drinking has been gettings worse for the last few years and I know I need to give up alcohol completely in order to get over this problem. Long story short though, I haven't hit rock bottom and I find myself wondering if I really am an alcoholic. Compared to most people I meet at AA I am doing pretty well, and this puts doubts into my head about my alcoholism and I start getting complacent about recovery and soon after that I relapse. I feel that going to AA is like making a mountain out of a molehill, but at the saame time I feel I need the support. Has anyone else had the feeling of being an outsider at AA meetings because they're not a "rock-bottom" alcoholic?
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,756
Welcome to the family. 
I'd advise not comparing yourself/your situation to anyone else. You don't know what's behind another person's façade. Go looking for similarities, not differences. And maybe you haven't hit rock bottom yet, but it's out there. Why wait to hit that hard? Stop while you're still ahead.
I'd advise not comparing yourself/your situation to anyone else. You don't know what's behind another person's façade. Go looking for similarities, not differences. And maybe you haven't hit rock bottom yet, but it's out there. Why wait to hit that hard? Stop while you're still ahead. 
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,466
Welcome, and I'd also advise you not to compare yourself with others.
I don't use AA but I am sure that I'm alcoholic. I use SR as a support system and have for years. Take a look around and you will find that people take different routes to recovery.
I don't use AA but I am sure that I'm alcoholic. I use SR as a support system and have for years. Take a look around and you will find that people take different routes to recovery.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Hi holly.
There are many discussions about being/not being an alcoholic, bottoms, etc here on SR. It sounds like alcohol is causing some problems in your life that you want resolved, so what we call the problem may be quite irrelevant, what's important is that it troubles you.
I have not done a lot of AA, but found a pretty mixed bunch at the meetings I went to. Maybe because of where I live, don't know. I think AA is just like everywhere: we are free to choose people we relate to. Have you tried different meetings? Also, if you don't feel good about AA, try other methods, there are many things to choose from. I use mostly SR for everything recovery-oriented, and therapy which is not focused on recovery more than how it's related to other issues I want to address.
There are many discussions about being/not being an alcoholic, bottoms, etc here on SR. It sounds like alcohol is causing some problems in your life that you want resolved, so what we call the problem may be quite irrelevant, what's important is that it troubles you.
I have not done a lot of AA, but found a pretty mixed bunch at the meetings I went to. Maybe because of where I live, don't know. I think AA is just like everywhere: we are free to choose people we relate to. Have you tried different meetings? Also, if you don't feel good about AA, try other methods, there are many things to choose from. I use mostly SR for everything recovery-oriented, and therapy which is not focused on recovery more than how it's related to other issues I want to address.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
I believe it is almost universal that at some time we felt we were a special alcoholic. I was not like those people. What I have found over the years is there are far more similarities than differences. Lookup terminal uniqueness for more understanding
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
Holly,
Here's the thing: if you could have moderated it you would have done so by now. In my opinion, there are not degrees of alcoholism, there are degrees of denial. Some folks can go down this path a lot longer than others before they admit defeat.
Nobody starts as an alcoholic - they become one by drinking more and more. There were enough signs that my drinking was getting worse, but I too didn't believe it was alcoholism, until I was at a place where there was no way I could deny it.
Everyone's path is different, and Least makes a very good point: don't compare, identify. You won't identify with everything in many people (if any), but you likely will identify with something in almost everyone's story. This is a disease that tries to convince that you don't have it - don't fool yourself into thinking that the differences you perceive mean that you are not an alcoholic.
Good luck, you can do this!
Here's the thing: if you could have moderated it you would have done so by now. In my opinion, there are not degrees of alcoholism, there are degrees of denial. Some folks can go down this path a lot longer than others before they admit defeat.
Nobody starts as an alcoholic - they become one by drinking more and more. There were enough signs that my drinking was getting worse, but I too didn't believe it was alcoholism, until I was at a place where there was no way I could deny it.
Everyone's path is different, and Least makes a very good point: don't compare, identify. You won't identify with everything in many people (if any), but you likely will identify with something in almost everyone's story. This is a disease that tries to convince that you don't have it - don't fool yourself into thinking that the differences you perceive mean that you are not an alcoholic.
Good luck, you can do this!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Northern Illinos
Posts: 1,757
Holly, I agree with what was already said and I would add that sometimes you just don't know where you're at with alcohol until you are sober. The voices in our heads that help us to rationalize and justify our drinking can convince us that we are not alcoholics and that other people are. I did not realize the grip that alcohol had on me until I was sober.
Good luck to you. SR is a wonderful resource and I am glad you found it.
Good luck to you. SR is a wonderful resource and I am glad you found it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Chattanooga TN
Posts: 596
Hi Holly and be welcome. My thoughts are why wait to hit rock bottom to work on the problem, you know? When I had the same thoughts, one word was said to me, "yet".
This is progressive as you get older and as you abuse things more it gets worse. For example, "Hi, I'm a binge drinker and my drinking has been gettings worse for the last few years" Add 5 years to this lifestyle and see what the bottom looks like if you want, it might take 10 years so be patient.
Otherwise (I hope), start working towards not caring if you are drinking or not, and I do that by finding other things to do. No matter my boredom, no matter my stress, no matter my issues. I didn't just stop drinking although that is step one, I had to have a plan to figure out what I can be doing otherwise that leads to true contentment. It takes some time, but the sooner I started the sooner I will reach my goal.
Read around and study, we are all here for you anytime. For questions, rants, emotions, and temptations. There are a lot of experienced people in all stages of not drinking, 24/7.
This is progressive as you get older and as you abuse things more it gets worse. For example, "Hi, I'm a binge drinker and my drinking has been gettings worse for the last few years" Add 5 years to this lifestyle and see what the bottom looks like if you want, it might take 10 years so be patient.
Otherwise (I hope), start working towards not caring if you are drinking or not, and I do that by finding other things to do. No matter my boredom, no matter my stress, no matter my issues. I didn't just stop drinking although that is step one, I had to have a plan to figure out what I can be doing otherwise that leads to true contentment. It takes some time, but the sooner I started the sooner I will reach my goal.
Read around and study, we are all here for you anytime. For questions, rants, emotions, and temptations. There are a lot of experienced people in all stages of not drinking, 24/7.
...holds the key
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 7,065
Originally Posted by hollyholly 
Hi, I'm a binge drinker and my drinking has been gettings worse for the last few years and I know I need to give up alcohol completely in order to get over this problem. Long story short though, I haven't hit rock bottom and I find myself wondering if I really am an alcoholic. Compared to most people I meet at AA I am doing pretty well, and this puts doubts into my head about my alcoholism and I start getting complacent about recovery and soon after that I relapse. I feel that going to AA is like making a mountain out of a molehill, but at the saame time I feel I need the support. Has anyone else had the feeling of being an outsider at AA meetings because they're not a "rock-bottom" alcoholic?
Why wait for a really low bottom? You said yourself that your drinking is getting worse, seems you might be well on your way to that bottom sooner or later.
Instead of comparing yourself to other alcoholics, be grateful you got into recovery before you hit bottom. Hitting bottom isn't fun or an AA status symbol..and if it is, maybe you should check out another meeting.
Really glad you're here, holly!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Sarasota, FL
Posts: 223
I can relate with your feelings. I just remind myself why I went to AA in the first place. In fact I heard a Speaker at a meeting the other night who shared about how his bottom was just drinking more and more each night and drinking alone so he went to AA and has been sober for 7 years and has truly found sobriety to be a beautiful place to be. His bottom was nowhere near as low as mine (which I started to tell myself wasn't so bad- I got a DUI after being an occasional binge drinker). If you really want to see if AA works for you I encourage you to find a Sponsor so you can work the steps. It has made a huge difference in my perception of the program. Our disease wants us to find any reason to drink again.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Glad you're here, welcome!
I didn't necessarily drink every single day, never in the mornings. When I quit - no dt's - no rehab - no jail - no dui's etc....
Didn't lose all the worldly stuff, so to speak. Comparatively, I am what's referred to as a high bottom drunk - but for the grace of God - for whatever reason. I learned an acronym early on = YET = You're Eligible Too.
I lost my body.....uck. mind - cognitive abilities, and my spirit. I never had that one Wake up Call. The result was I drank, and drank way longer than I should have. Truly remarkable I survived it......for now.
When I went to AA, I was enlightened to the plight of others. I was fortunate to hear a story from a gent early on. He looked horrible - bad cirrhosis, waiting for liver transplant. He spoke of having had made a ton of money and retired at 45 - all kinds of houses, toys etc.
As he spoke he wept. He lost everything he ever had and was living at the Salvation Army shelter. A few weeks after he shared I heard he died. He had been in and out of the rooms for years.....slowly, but surely worsening each round.
I identify with a section in the Big Book about others story's - Particularly the group entitled - They Stopped in Time. Maybe check it out.
For many of us who needed to quit, alcohol was a symptom of other underlying issues......Maybe that's you, maybe not. But for an optional buck a meeting, I thought I'd stick around to see what it was all about.
There are many ways to gain sobriety, AA is just one. But I think you'll find if you stay around for a bit - as others here have mentioned, you may not be as unique as believed currently. Also as posted - listen for similarities and not differences.
Regardless, Welcome - and keep coming back!!
FlyN
I didn't necessarily drink every single day, never in the mornings. When I quit - no dt's - no rehab - no jail - no dui's etc....
Didn't lose all the worldly stuff, so to speak. Comparatively, I am what's referred to as a high bottom drunk - but for the grace of God - for whatever reason. I learned an acronym early on = YET = You're Eligible Too.
I lost my body.....uck. mind - cognitive abilities, and my spirit. I never had that one Wake up Call. The result was I drank, and drank way longer than I should have. Truly remarkable I survived it......for now.
When I went to AA, I was enlightened to the plight of others. I was fortunate to hear a story from a gent early on. He looked horrible - bad cirrhosis, waiting for liver transplant. He spoke of having had made a ton of money and retired at 45 - all kinds of houses, toys etc.
As he spoke he wept. He lost everything he ever had and was living at the Salvation Army shelter. A few weeks after he shared I heard he died. He had been in and out of the rooms for years.....slowly, but surely worsening each round.
I identify with a section in the Big Book about others story's - Particularly the group entitled - They Stopped in Time. Maybe check it out.
For many of us who needed to quit, alcohol was a symptom of other underlying issues......Maybe that's you, maybe not. But for an optional buck a meeting, I thought I'd stick around to see what it was all about.
There are many ways to gain sobriety, AA is just one. But I think you'll find if you stay around for a bit - as others here have mentioned, you may not be as unique as believed currently. Also as posted - listen for similarities and not differences.
Regardless, Welcome - and keep coming back!!
FlyN
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
If you don't have a drinking problem then why did u go to AA in the first place? Why are you on this site? Alcoholism is progressive. It took me about 15 years to go from college kid who binged at keg parties for fun to a full blown alcoholic who lost everything. Dont wait to find out how low you can go before you do anything about it
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: sydney nsw
Posts: 785
If you dont have a hold on alcohol and it has a hold of you, you are an alcoholic. I am also not a "fan" of AA and that is my choice. It seems to help others who need it for their healing and that is great. I dont see myself any less an alcoholic though. I just battle in my own way. Perhaps AA is not your answer either?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 344
Originally Posted by Flynbuy
Glad you're here, welcome!
I didn't necessarily drink every single day, never in the mornings. When I quit - no dt's - no rehab - no jail - no dui's etc....
Didn't lose all the worldly stuff, so to speak. Comparatively, I am what's referred to as a high bottom drunk - but for the grace of God - for whatever reason. I learned an acronym early on = YET = You're Eligible Too.
I lost my body.....uck. mind - cognitive abilities, and my spirit. I never had that one Wake up Call. The result was I drank, and drank way longer than I should have. Truly remarkable I survived it......for now.
When I went to AA, I was enlightened to the plight of others. I was fortunate to hear a story from a gent early on. He looked horrible - bad cirrhosis, waiting for liver transplant. He spoke of having had made a ton of money and retired at 45 - all kinds of houses, toys etc.
As he spoke he wept. He lost everything he ever had and was living at the Salvation Army shelter. A few weeks after he shared I heard he died. He had been in and out of the rooms for years.....slowly, but surely worsening each round.
I identify with a section in the Big Book about others story's - Particularly the group entitled - They Stopped in Time. Maybe check it out.
For many of us who needed to quit, alcohol was a symptom of other underlying issues......Maybe that's you, maybe not. But for an optional buck a meeting, I thought I'd stick around to see what it was all about.
There are many ways to gain sobriety, AA is just one. But I think you'll find if you stay around for a bit - as others here have mentioned, you may not be as unique as believed currently. Also as posted - listen for similarities and not differences.
Regardless, Welcome - and keep coming back!!
FlyN
I didn't necessarily drink every single day, never in the mornings. When I quit - no dt's - no rehab - no jail - no dui's etc....
Didn't lose all the worldly stuff, so to speak. Comparatively, I am what's referred to as a high bottom drunk - but for the grace of God - for whatever reason. I learned an acronym early on = YET = You're Eligible Too.
I lost my body.....uck. mind - cognitive abilities, and my spirit. I never had that one Wake up Call. The result was I drank, and drank way longer than I should have. Truly remarkable I survived it......for now.
When I went to AA, I was enlightened to the plight of others. I was fortunate to hear a story from a gent early on. He looked horrible - bad cirrhosis, waiting for liver transplant. He spoke of having had made a ton of money and retired at 45 - all kinds of houses, toys etc.
As he spoke he wept. He lost everything he ever had and was living at the Salvation Army shelter. A few weeks after he shared I heard he died. He had been in and out of the rooms for years.....slowly, but surely worsening each round.
I identify with a section in the Big Book about others story's - Particularly the group entitled - They Stopped in Time. Maybe check it out.
For many of us who needed to quit, alcohol was a symptom of other underlying issues......Maybe that's you, maybe not. But for an optional buck a meeting, I thought I'd stick around to see what it was all about.
There are many ways to gain sobriety, AA is just one. But I think you'll find if you stay around for a bit - as others here have mentioned, you may not be as unique as believed currently. Also as posted - listen for similarities and not differences.
Regardless, Welcome - and keep coming back!!
FlyN
how old were you when you quit?
how old was the gent?
does the YET mean even if you stay sober you could already be doomed? that seems a bit macabre to me, I like the "they stopped in time" reference to the big book better (though I haven't read that part I'll admit, or I may have when I first entered AA a while ago and don't recall it off the top of my head)
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
But I haven't hit rock bottom yet....
I am not one of those drunks drinking out of a paper bag....
I am not as bad as the others in AA....
I am not a full blown alcoholic, I just have this little problem I need to take care of...
It is a little different in my case because of....
I could have saved myself years and years and years and much heartache if I just shut out all the noise and just focused on where you started your post...
Thats all you need to know. Research multiple systems for dealing with this and commit 100% to the one or two that you feel will best protect your sobriety.
I am not one of those drunks drinking out of a paper bag....
I am not as bad as the others in AA....
I am not a full blown alcoholic, I just have this little problem I need to take care of...
It is a little different in my case because of....
I could have saved myself years and years and years and much heartache if I just shut out all the noise and just focused on where you started your post...
Originally Posted by hollyholly
Hi, I'm a binge drinker and my drinking has been gettings worse for the last few years and I know I need to give up alcohol completely in order to get over this problem.
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,476
It's one of the evolving things of AA that people are showing up now with far more than they used to.
One of the guys in my AA home group was first around in 1971.
He reckons the police used to check the cars in the carpark at AA meetings to see if they were stolen.
They'd be 30 people in the meeting and 3 cars in the carpark.
I think the thing to remember is that before people lost everything, they were just like you.
Job, family, friends, home etc etc.
The bar has been raised, but the result of this is that many people struggle to believe they have a serious problem, because the stereotype of an alcoholic is one who drank away everything.
But it doesn't have to be the case at all.
There are plenty of key indicators for alcoholism, one of the biggest is that on occasions when you set out to just have a few drinks and an early night, you end up crawling into bed at 2.30am, completely rotten drunk.
If you identify with that pattern, you may want to research a bit more about the behavior of alcoholic folk.
It's not just about where you ended up, it's also about the way you got there.
One of the guys in my AA home group was first around in 1971.
He reckons the police used to check the cars in the carpark at AA meetings to see if they were stolen.
They'd be 30 people in the meeting and 3 cars in the carpark.
I think the thing to remember is that before people lost everything, they were just like you.
Job, family, friends, home etc etc.
The bar has been raised, but the result of this is that many people struggle to believe they have a serious problem, because the stereotype of an alcoholic is one who drank away everything.
But it doesn't have to be the case at all.
There are plenty of key indicators for alcoholism, one of the biggest is that on occasions when you set out to just have a few drinks and an early night, you end up crawling into bed at 2.30am, completely rotten drunk.
If you identify with that pattern, you may want to research a bit more about the behavior of alcoholic folk.
It's not just about where you ended up, it's also about the way you got there.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 295
Hello there. You already notice it progressing and there's nowhere to go but further downward. No one plans to get worse, but it still happens. I used to feel the same way in AA, that everyone else was more alcoholic than me and I decided to drop out and keep trying to moderate Two years later I went back to AA and felt my alcoholism was worse than most the people's in the room.
I agree with the others who say whv wait for things to progress more when you already see there's a problem.
Wishing you the best
I agree with the others who say whv wait for things to progress more when you already see there's a problem.
Wishing you the best
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