On behalf of my mother...
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,552
On behalf of my mother...
Some of you may have seen my name around these pages. I am an alcoholic in recovery, and doing pretty well.
My mom called me today. She wanted me to post on here for her because she is scared to do so. Her husband, my stepdad, is a half gallon of whiskey a night, add a bottle of wine a day, sometimes more, sometimes less, drunk. He gets up numerous times in his passing out/blacking out to pour more whiskey...well up until three in the morning. He goes to work, he has a lot of sick time and vacation time saved up so he usually takes off a day or two a week. He has become verbally abusive to my mom and completely irresponsible. He goes to different doctors for different ailments he doesn't really have every other day. He has various medical equipment stashed around the house he doesn't use. What is he doing???
I'm far enough away I can block him out. He still drunk Facebook posts every night and sometimes it's perverse and innapropriate. Seen as how I wasn't this level of sick and I only know how to help me I was hoping someone here could give me some advice to pass along with mom.
I always heard they have to want help. She is talking about calling an intervention service. He is too wasted to ask for help. Any thoughts? I was even considering sending him a message to not talk to me until he got some sense and shut him out completely. But I feel I should be on standby somewhat if he comes to his senses. I've asked him to go to a meeting with me when I visited once, for "support". He laughed and said no. It's starting to frustrate me.
Jennifer
My mom called me today. She wanted me to post on here for her because she is scared to do so. Her husband, my stepdad, is a half gallon of whiskey a night, add a bottle of wine a day, sometimes more, sometimes less, drunk. He gets up numerous times in his passing out/blacking out to pour more whiskey...well up until three in the morning. He goes to work, he has a lot of sick time and vacation time saved up so he usually takes off a day or two a week. He has become verbally abusive to my mom and completely irresponsible. He goes to different doctors for different ailments he doesn't really have every other day. He has various medical equipment stashed around the house he doesn't use. What is he doing???
I'm far enough away I can block him out. He still drunk Facebook posts every night and sometimes it's perverse and innapropriate. Seen as how I wasn't this level of sick and I only know how to help me I was hoping someone here could give me some advice to pass along with mom.
I always heard they have to want help. She is talking about calling an intervention service. He is too wasted to ask for help. Any thoughts? I was even considering sending him a message to not talk to me until he got some sense and shut him out completely. But I feel I should be on standby somewhat if he comes to his senses. I've asked him to go to a meeting with me when I visited once, for "support". He laughed and said no. It's starting to frustrate me.
Jennifer
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
half gallon of whiskey a day? and a bottle of wine? holy crap surprised he hasn't poisioned himself and taken himself right out of this world.
Countrygirl, it doesn't sound like he wants any help, not sure what an intervention will do.
Now, your mom needs some support, have you suggested al-anon, or finding her a different place to live? Your mom certainly does not deserve his verbal abuse.
And congrats on your sobriety.
Countrygirl, it doesn't sound like he wants any help, not sure what an intervention will do.
Now, your mom needs some support, have you suggested al-anon, or finding her a different place to live? Your mom certainly does not deserve his verbal abuse.
And congrats on your sobriety.
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,332
Hi Jen,
That sounds like a really tough spot your mom is in. I am a recovering alcoholic myself and can say if he doesn't want to be sober he won't. An intervention can be a good thing but, there are consequences. If he refuses rehab what will your mom do? Interventions are about setting boundaries like I love you and want you to get help but if you don't I am leaving, or you have to leave. Is your mom ready to do that?
As far as the multi-doctors, that's pretty typical behavior of a pill popper. Your mom could contact these doctors and let them know that he is doctor shopping.
Now concerning Facebook you can notify administration and report him for abusive and inappropriate posts. It's against terms of service.
Good luck with whatever she decides and try to encourage her to come here herself. She really needs the support of others who have walked her path
That sounds like a really tough spot your mom is in. I am a recovering alcoholic myself and can say if he doesn't want to be sober he won't. An intervention can be a good thing but, there are consequences. If he refuses rehab what will your mom do? Interventions are about setting boundaries like I love you and want you to get help but if you don't I am leaving, or you have to leave. Is your mom ready to do that?
As far as the multi-doctors, that's pretty typical behavior of a pill popper. Your mom could contact these doctors and let them know that he is doctor shopping.
Now concerning Facebook you can notify administration and report him for abusive and inappropriate posts. It's against terms of service.
Good luck with whatever she decides and try to encourage her to come here herself. She really needs the support of others who have walked her path
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,552
Thank you for your responses. And yeah...he drinks that much and I am surprised he isn't dead yet. His body is so used to being poisoned it's ridiculous. She wants to contact his doctors and that seems like a good suggestion. I will talk to her tomorrow. She seems reluctant on alanon. I think she might see it as her being weak. I go down to visit in a few weeks. Maybe I will find a meeting and take her. Thanks for helping me work this out
Jennifer
Jennifer
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 865
I know exactly how your Mother is feeling. My AH used to drink close to a gallon of whiskey a day, followed by a handful of whatever pills he could get his hands on. We never had the money to pay the bills but magically he found the money (from his family) to buy the liquor and the drugs. I was at my wits end with it all.
What helped me is when I was introduced to Al-Anon, but like your Mom, I was afraid. Not of my AH (he was never abusive) just afraid - I guess of finding the truth, the unknown...
I will pray for her that she can find the courage to seek help for herself.
**By the way - congrats on your recovery**
What helped me is when I was introduced to Al-Anon, but like your Mom, I was afraid. Not of my AH (he was never abusive) just afraid - I guess of finding the truth, the unknown...
I will pray for her that she can find the courage to seek help for herself.
**By the way - congrats on your recovery**
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,792
Reminds me of a story I read recently about a woman who sent her alcoholic husband away in an ambulance, then changed the locks on the doors.....
This situation sounds pretty hopeless. I am with others here, that maybe they should separate.
Now, let me say how very proud I am of YOU. God bless you and be with you. Keep coming back!
This situation sounds pretty hopeless. I am with others here, that maybe they should separate.
Now, let me say how very proud I am of YOU. God bless you and be with you. Keep coming back!
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Oh sweetie, this breaks my heart.
Your mom will have to be at a place that she accepts she cannot help him. He will have to want to help himself, and that may happen eventually, or it may not. Alanon is not for the weak. Please make sure she knows, it takes strength and guts to walk into that meeting. She can do it, and needs to for her own piece of mind.
Tight hugs. Remember to keep your own sobriety on the front burner during what is a very stressful time. So proud of you!
XXX
Your mom will have to be at a place that she accepts she cannot help him. He will have to want to help himself, and that may happen eventually, or it may not. Alanon is not for the weak. Please make sure she knows, it takes strength and guts to walk into that meeting. She can do it, and needs to for her own piece of mind.
Tight hugs. Remember to keep your own sobriety on the front burner during what is a very stressful time. So proud of you!
XXX
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