First counseling appointment today
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 177
First counseling appointment today
It can't come soon enough.
Yesterday was an internally calmer day, for some reason. I have no idea why. Maybe in anticipation that "reinforcement" is coming (my appointment today). I just tried to enjoy it while it lasted.
My 23 AS son is on the RR tracks playing chicken with an oncoming train. I also envision my precious almost 2 YO granddaughter in his arms, and I feel like I am standing by on the sidelines, yelling my @ss off, but the train whistle is blowing so loudly he doesn't hear me at all!!
A brief re-cap: His DOC(s) are heroin & crack, he's been in rehab more times than I can count (always thrives while there, but can't keep it together for more than a couple of months after). He has arrest warrants out as of a couple of weeks ago for failing to appear for his 4th & 5th VOPs (due to dirty UAs) and refuses to appear because he knows they are going to revoke his probation and send him to jail to serve his 3-7 year underlying sentence. His GF (my GDs mom) is also an active addict. They both are in an apartment for which my DH and I foolishly signed a lease on last June at a time when they were doing much better.
We just found out a week ago that they have not paid any rent since a partial payment in November. The landlord is a friend of ours (unfortunately) and came to talk with us this weekend. We paid him up through the end of December, but told him we cannot continue to do so and he is going to have to give them notice if they don't come up with some $ soon. Before anyone slams me for paying the rent - 1, I told the landlord they are NOT to know we paid anything, and 2, we paid him NOT to keep the apartment for them, but because we made a commitment to him that if things didn't work out, we would see that he did not suffer financially). He has complaints from tenants that there is a lot of "traffic" coming in and out of the apartment (we all know what that means). AS admitted to my DH that they "lost their welfare benefits" (not the first time) but claims they didn't know it until a couple of weeks ago. (right)
I'm certain they lost them for not making it to their monthly appointments. Like I said, wouldn't be the first time....
I have begged and pleaded repeatedly for my son to turn himself in. I told him the usual things you would expect, including that if his GF would detox and go into rehab, we will take care of the baby while she is there. As you might expect, we get no response to any of these types of messages.
Randomly on Sunday, DH and I both get simultaneous texts from him simply stating "I love you guys and miss you a lot"......I didn't even know how to respond to that.......and didn't for about 3 hours.........
Our relationship with the GF is NOT a good one (to say the least). I have occasionally gotten my GD for the night, but only going through my son and then at times not getting any answer at all when I ask the question. It's always text, because he NEVER answers his phone. I want my son in jail so I don't need to worry about him (physically anyhow). The flip side to this would mean it leaves my GD in the care of her mother. From what I've observed (and what the landlord also commented on), AS appears to be functional at least, while the same cannot be said for his GF. I think she is dope sick (or whatever) most of the time and the feeding/changing, etc... is primarily done by him. Also due to our relationship with her, I don't know that there would be ANY sort of communication at all once he is taken away to jail.
My sister is an RN, and as such, a mandatory reporter to DCF (Dept of Children & Family Services). Of course, you can only report what you have seen and suspect, but nothing can be proven. Unfortunately, the feedback is not good........as long as they are providing her "basic needs" there is not much that can be done other than to MAYBE (if a supervisor deems it appropriate) pay a visit to the home. A SCHEDULED visit at that.........WTH???? Like they are going to let a social worker come to the door finding their house a friggin pig-sty and two dope sick parents nodding out with a child left to entertain herself in a pack-n-play half the time.
I am just about coming out of my skin here.....Made this appointment a few weeks ago, and it seems like things just get worse every day. Just when I think they can't get any worse......Wham!!!
There..........got that out...........for now..........thanks SR Friends
WWD
Yesterday was an internally calmer day, for some reason. I have no idea why. Maybe in anticipation that "reinforcement" is coming (my appointment today). I just tried to enjoy it while it lasted.
My 23 AS son is on the RR tracks playing chicken with an oncoming train. I also envision my precious almost 2 YO granddaughter in his arms, and I feel like I am standing by on the sidelines, yelling my @ss off, but the train whistle is blowing so loudly he doesn't hear me at all!!
A brief re-cap: His DOC(s) are heroin & crack, he's been in rehab more times than I can count (always thrives while there, but can't keep it together for more than a couple of months after). He has arrest warrants out as of a couple of weeks ago for failing to appear for his 4th & 5th VOPs (due to dirty UAs) and refuses to appear because he knows they are going to revoke his probation and send him to jail to serve his 3-7 year underlying sentence. His GF (my GDs mom) is also an active addict. They both are in an apartment for which my DH and I foolishly signed a lease on last June at a time when they were doing much better.
We just found out a week ago that they have not paid any rent since a partial payment in November. The landlord is a friend of ours (unfortunately) and came to talk with us this weekend. We paid him up through the end of December, but told him we cannot continue to do so and he is going to have to give them notice if they don't come up with some $ soon. Before anyone slams me for paying the rent - 1, I told the landlord they are NOT to know we paid anything, and 2, we paid him NOT to keep the apartment for them, but because we made a commitment to him that if things didn't work out, we would see that he did not suffer financially). He has complaints from tenants that there is a lot of "traffic" coming in and out of the apartment (we all know what that means). AS admitted to my DH that they "lost their welfare benefits" (not the first time) but claims they didn't know it until a couple of weeks ago. (right)
I'm certain they lost them for not making it to their monthly appointments. Like I said, wouldn't be the first time....
I have begged and pleaded repeatedly for my son to turn himself in. I told him the usual things you would expect, including that if his GF would detox and go into rehab, we will take care of the baby while she is there. As you might expect, we get no response to any of these types of messages.
Randomly on Sunday, DH and I both get simultaneous texts from him simply stating "I love you guys and miss you a lot"......I didn't even know how to respond to that.......and didn't for about 3 hours.........
Our relationship with the GF is NOT a good one (to say the least). I have occasionally gotten my GD for the night, but only going through my son and then at times not getting any answer at all when I ask the question. It's always text, because he NEVER answers his phone. I want my son in jail so I don't need to worry about him (physically anyhow). The flip side to this would mean it leaves my GD in the care of her mother. From what I've observed (and what the landlord also commented on), AS appears to be functional at least, while the same cannot be said for his GF. I think she is dope sick (or whatever) most of the time and the feeding/changing, etc... is primarily done by him. Also due to our relationship with her, I don't know that there would be ANY sort of communication at all once he is taken away to jail.
My sister is an RN, and as such, a mandatory reporter to DCF (Dept of Children & Family Services). Of course, you can only report what you have seen and suspect, but nothing can be proven. Unfortunately, the feedback is not good........as long as they are providing her "basic needs" there is not much that can be done other than to MAYBE (if a supervisor deems it appropriate) pay a visit to the home. A SCHEDULED visit at that.........WTH???? Like they are going to let a social worker come to the door finding their house a friggin pig-sty and two dope sick parents nodding out with a child left to entertain herself in a pack-n-play half the time.
I am just about coming out of my skin here.....Made this appointment a few weeks ago, and it seems like things just get worse every day. Just when I think they can't get any worse......Wham!!!
There..........got that out...........for now..........thanks SR Friends
WWD
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
God bless you and that little granddaughter.. I pray that she gets the miracle she deserves.
Stay strong, and do what you can to watch out for her. I have to wonder if a visit from CS might not push things in a better direction... anonymous tips sometimes come.. they cannot say for sure who called CS, can they? Since they have so many people coming and going, surely they are smart enough to know that neighbors talk sometimes?
Good for you for getting an appointment for yourself. It's got to be hard to keep it all together, worrying as you do.
praying for this situation.
hugs
chicory
Stay strong, and do what you can to watch out for her. I have to wonder if a visit from CS might not push things in a better direction... anonymous tips sometimes come.. they cannot say for sure who called CS, can they? Since they have so many people coming and going, surely they are smart enough to know that neighbors talk sometimes?
Good for you for getting an appointment for yourself. It's got to be hard to keep it all together, worrying as you do.
praying for this situation.
hugs
chicory
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Dear WWD,
Bless the momma who loves her addicted child & grandchild. You are doing everything you can do...
My RAD is ready to give birth, is on Subutex and is deathly frightened that CPS or her MIL will take their son away once he is born. She is frightened, she is drug tested every week, has clean u/as and keeps her Dr appts. Her husband is sober. They are married, she's 23 & he's 24. They live in MN and moving to WI for work soon.
If my RAD is afraid while sober of CPS, makes me think that something is going on illegally
over at your sons apartment...? Have your sister call and request a well check? At least that would ease your mind some.
Tell all this to your therapist too, they may have some other legal suggestion to protect this grandchild, and also to help you from going insane...Codie insanity.
Hugs to you, hugs and prayers to all of us
TF
Bless the momma who loves her addicted child & grandchild. You are doing everything you can do...
My RAD is ready to give birth, is on Subutex and is deathly frightened that CPS or her MIL will take their son away once he is born. She is frightened, she is drug tested every week, has clean u/as and keeps her Dr appts. Her husband is sober. They are married, she's 23 & he's 24. They live in MN and moving to WI for work soon.
If my RAD is afraid while sober of CPS, makes me think that something is going on illegally
over at your sons apartment...? Have your sister call and request a well check? At least that would ease your mind some.
Tell all this to your therapist too, they may have some other legal suggestion to protect this grandchild, and also to help you from going insane...Codie insanity.
Hugs to you, hugs and prayers to all of us
TF
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 177
thanks so much friends! It truly means a lot to have your support! I read so much on SR about "detaching", but when grandchildren are involved, sometimes its NOT an option...I wish it were..........would still be painful, but staying involved (although unavoidable) just feeds the co-dependency doesn't it???????
GRRRR!!!!
GRRRR!!!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 793
I hope your appointment went well yesterday. I bet the 50 minutes flew by! I hope you found a counselor you can work well with and that you get some relief from all the worry you've been experiencing. I, too, am not sure how we can "detach" in situations that involve innocent children, but I am watching and learning from everyone who has walked this path before me. Take care and keep us posted!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 177
It flew by for sure. We went over the time by about 30 min. I basically bawled through most of it. No real work has begun yet, of course, as the story is a long one spanning over years...got the major points across though I think. She said the two main objectives will be 1. to help me come away with a plan of action items for things I can do to try and help my GD (or at least have me feeling like I have done everything I am capable of doing for her, although I can't control the outcome). 2. to try and get parts of my life back, or at least start identifying what that might mean...
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