jen928

It's been a quite a while since I have been on this board. A quick history, my AM has been back and forth with sobriety since 2006, prior to that she was just drunk constantly, with no breaks of sobriety, since I can remember (I called the AA hotline at 8 years old to ask if my mom was an alcoholic). I am currently 35 and still trying to learn to detach. This is why I have come here today. My mom had a pretty decent stretch of sobriety between 2006-2008/9. In 2006 she was hospitalized for two weeks because of end stage liver failure. She was as swollen as a pregnant woman. Legs were the size of tree trunks (and for someone called chicken legs, this was a big deal). She couldn't walk and had to have the paramedics carry her out of her house. This was her rock bottom...well, at least that's what she said. Doctor told her not to touch alcohol again because it will most definitely kill her (as she was in end stage liver failure). She bounced back and not only has the alcohol not killed her, she's gotten a DUI (drank straight vodka in front of the officer once pulled over and told the officer she was headed to the liquor store), had a stint in a 30 day program, and drank herself silly over and over again.
We have been in communication since she completed the 30 day program (this time last year) but she has started drinking again and heavily. I haven't seen her since Thanksgiving when she was drunk. She was supposed to drive up to visit with my family on Christmas but couldn't put the bottle down long enough to make the drive. That was the last time I spoke to her. I refuse to speak to her when she's been drinking.
Yesterday I had adult protective services and then the police (after she wouldn't open the door for APS) go over to check on my mom. Her phone has been turned off since new years and no one has seen her. I don't live in the same state as my mom and in all honesty I don't want to talk to her, I just needed to know she was alive. The panic and anxiety my AM can raise inside of me is so damn unhealthy.
Needless to say she was pissed and finally called me. Told me she didn't want to talk to me and would be in contact with me later. Then hung up on her.
I don't want to talk to her again. I don't want her negativity and alcoholism in my life anymore. I am ready to cut her out of my life again and detach. I don't want my son to see the same alcoholic I did. I need her out of my life so I can really start working on my issues.
Just here to vent to people who will understand.
Jenny

happybeingme

Hi Jenny, welcome back. I am sorry to hear you are going through this. Going no contact is probably the best thing you can do for yourself and your family. I went no contact with my mom and it was the best thing I ever did. It was hard at first. I thought of her obsessively the first month. Now I don't think of her at all.

Your mom knows she has a problem. She knows the problem will kill her. She has decided to drink anyway. There isn't a single thing you can do but protect yourself from the crazy. I am sorry you have to go through this

Kialua

I'm so sorry this is happening again to you and your mom. I hope you have the support you need to get through this and have your own life.

ajarlson

Thanks for venting. I went no contact a few months ago and this really struck a nerve "The panic and anxiety my AM can raise inside of me is so damn unhealthy." YES!! My last counseling visit we worked through whether or not I could have some sort of relationship with her - using my boundaries. I said that I can put up the boundaries, but dealing with her means I have to keep enforcing them and that wears me out, so we decided for my sanity that no contact was the best route. It's hard, but it gives me hope to hear people say that the anxiety lessens. For me it lessens, then sort of takes over every now and then until I consciously put it back in its place (the holidays were weird but so much more peaceful). About the kids, my kids grew up knowing that grama never meant anything she said, she would promise them things and then forget she promised. She had my 14 year old (now 20) in the car with her when she got a DUI. She has traumatized all my kids and left them asking, why didn't we have nice grandparents like other people? I agree with you, it would be better for them if I had done this years ago. Good luck to you, thanks again!

Soberpotamus

I empathize with you I know exactly how that feels, gut-wrenching and soul-wrenching. Detaching sounds like a really good thing for you. It's hard to do but sometimes it's just necessary. I don't regret doing it.