Why is it that one little thing ... ?
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 15
Why is it that one little thing ... ?
I separated from my alcoholic fiance last month. We stayed in periodic contact and he wanted to get back together, but (for once!) I held firm and said no ... I need more from a relationship. Last week, I decided to go no contact after he exploded over the phone over something minor and hung up on me.
Same song, different verse. I can't count how many times he has thrown temper tantrums, stormed out, hung up on me, etc., but this time was different. It was DIFFERENT. I don't know why this was my bottom line, but something switched inside and I blocked him on my phone. No warning or explanation; just done.
In the week of no contact, I've gained a little perspective and a bit of peace. I started feeling better, even liberated. Yesterday, I almost felt like my old self - it felt good.
I arrived home from work late last night to see a FedEx package addressed to my ex on my doorstep. I knew it would be arriving (we talked about it before I went NC - it's a long story as to why it was sent to my address, but I was fine with that), but I was surprised to see it still there. It's his bonus check from work and I know he was waiting for it. I left it on the doorstep for him to pick up. It's still there as I type.
When I got the mail today, there was (what appeared to be) a box of bank checks addressed to him. This was more strange, as he must have ordered them within the last week or so and we haven't lived together in a long time. I also left those on the doorstep for him to retrieve. I live in kind of a rural area, so I'm not worried about someone stealing the packages.
Now that there are two packages on my doorstep for him, I am anxious and jump every time I hear a noise, thinking it's him coming to retrieve them. I'm not afraid that he'll get physically violent, but I truly don't want to see him again. In addition, I don't want to break NC to tell him that they are here for so many reasons ... two of them being my own recovery and the fact that it's not my responsibility to take care of these things for him (this was a huge issue in our relationship).
Of course, I have also started to worry (like I did when we were together) that he must have been in an accident or is in the hospital - why else wouldn't he have already picked up the checks? Ugh, I keep trying to tell myself that even if this were the case, worrying doesn't help anything and it's unlikely this is the case.
Anyway, I'm frustrated that something like this has the power to wreck my serenity. Thanks for letting me vent!
Same song, different verse. I can't count how many times he has thrown temper tantrums, stormed out, hung up on me, etc., but this time was different. It was DIFFERENT. I don't know why this was my bottom line, but something switched inside and I blocked him on my phone. No warning or explanation; just done.
In the week of no contact, I've gained a little perspective and a bit of peace. I started feeling better, even liberated. Yesterday, I almost felt like my old self - it felt good.
I arrived home from work late last night to see a FedEx package addressed to my ex on my doorstep. I knew it would be arriving (we talked about it before I went NC - it's a long story as to why it was sent to my address, but I was fine with that), but I was surprised to see it still there. It's his bonus check from work and I know he was waiting for it. I left it on the doorstep for him to pick up. It's still there as I type.
When I got the mail today, there was (what appeared to be) a box of bank checks addressed to him. This was more strange, as he must have ordered them within the last week or so and we haven't lived together in a long time. I also left those on the doorstep for him to retrieve. I live in kind of a rural area, so I'm not worried about someone stealing the packages.
Now that there are two packages on my doorstep for him, I am anxious and jump every time I hear a noise, thinking it's him coming to retrieve them. I'm not afraid that he'll get physically violent, but I truly don't want to see him again. In addition, I don't want to break NC to tell him that they are here for so many reasons ... two of them being my own recovery and the fact that it's not my responsibility to take care of these things for him (this was a huge issue in our relationship).
Of course, I have also started to worry (like I did when we were together) that he must have been in an accident or is in the hospital - why else wouldn't he have already picked up the checks? Ugh, I keep trying to tell myself that even if this were the case, worrying doesn't help anything and it's unlikely this is the case.
Anyway, I'm frustrated that something like this has the power to wreck my serenity. Thanks for letting me vent!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 215
Get a signed delivery receipt from the post office and have them deliver it to him. You will know it got to him and you won't have to see him. He can't accuse you of keeping it from him that way. Thats what I'd do, but have never gone nc, so not sure if thats appropriate for your situation
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,426
Having checks delivered means they come to the address that is listed on the check.
This sounds suspicious to me--why would he need to have checks with your address on them?
People often get frauded this way--the addict gets credit cards in their SOs name and uses them.
If he isn't living there, I would not let him have checks with my legal address on it.
This sounds suspicious to me--why would he need to have checks with your address on them?
People often get frauded this way--the addict gets credit cards in their SOs name and uses them.
If he isn't living there, I would not let him have checks with my legal address on it.
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