Sick of it!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 982
Sick of it!!!
I am so sick of having to pretend like everything is all better now just because he's not drinking now.
So sick of telling him what a great job he's doing and how proud I am of him.
Like I'm supposed to worship the ground he walks on now just becuase he doesn't yell at me (as often or as intensely) anymore and doesn't call me names and tell me what a disappointment I am and doesn't spend all his money at the bar and cheat on me (that I know of). "Great job Honey!!"
Sick of expecting more remorse and more sincere apologies and not getting them because he "already said sorry, and isn't drinking, isn't that good enought?"
Sick of driving his a** around becuase he doesn't have a driver license.
Sick of walking on eggshells and not telling him what I'm really feeling becuase I'm afraid he'll get mad and I'm so sick of him being mad and I just want things to stay calm.
Sick of seeing the woman he cheated on me with EVERYWHERE I go.
Sick of wondering when he's going to drink again, and wondering if he's still cheating on me.
Sick of hoping things will get better, that I will start to feel better, but only feeling more and more pain.
Sick of worrying about it.
Sick of listening to myself talk about the same things but not actually just getting on with it and divorcing him and being done.
Just having a day and needed to vent....
Thanks for reading
So sick of telling him what a great job he's doing and how proud I am of him.
Like I'm supposed to worship the ground he walks on now just becuase he doesn't yell at me (as often or as intensely) anymore and doesn't call me names and tell me what a disappointment I am and doesn't spend all his money at the bar and cheat on me (that I know of). "Great job Honey!!"
Sick of expecting more remorse and more sincere apologies and not getting them because he "already said sorry, and isn't drinking, isn't that good enought?"
Sick of driving his a** around becuase he doesn't have a driver license.
Sick of walking on eggshells and not telling him what I'm really feeling becuase I'm afraid he'll get mad and I'm so sick of him being mad and I just want things to stay calm.
Sick of seeing the woman he cheated on me with EVERYWHERE I go.
Sick of wondering when he's going to drink again, and wondering if he's still cheating on me.
Sick of hoping things will get better, that I will start to feel better, but only feeling more and more pain.
Sick of worrying about it.
Sick of listening to myself talk about the same things but not actually just getting on with it and divorcing him and being done.
Just having a day and needed to vent....
Thanks for reading
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 138
Kboys I'm sorry you are feeling this way. It doesn't make it any better but I know exactly how you feel as I have felt it myself and could have wrote many of the same things as I also thought them.
It's such a crappy situation to be in when so much damage has been done and you should be happy for your partner and their sobriety but you are filled with so many emotions on the contrary.
I'm sorry I can't offer you words of wisdom or something that will make it all be better but just remember that you are allowed to feel this way, and you also have to take care of yourself in such a difficult situation.
Sending you strength x
It's such a crappy situation to be in when so much damage has been done and you should be happy for your partner and their sobriety but you are filled with so many emotions on the contrary.
I'm sorry I can't offer you words of wisdom or something that will make it all be better but just remember that you are allowed to feel this way, and you also have to take care of yourself in such a difficult situation.
Sending you strength x
Stoic
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Wash D.C.
Posts: 321
This is cirrhosis of the marriage.
Much like how many A's get cirrhosis of the liver...it's scar tissue that will never heal, and will always make the organ (marriage) not be at full capacity...until one day, the organ (marriage) fails, no matter how hard we try to stop it.
Much like how many A's get cirrhosis of the liver...it's scar tissue that will never heal, and will always make the organ (marriage) not be at full capacity...until one day, the organ (marriage) fails, no matter how hard we try to stop it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
Ditto SparkleKitty's post.
Maybe some of that stuff you don't need to try to do anymore? I don't have any experience with an RA, but I think I'd had a very hard time giving unsolicited (or solicited) Great job!'s for stuff that shoud be a given in a healthy relationship (not drinking, not cheating, not yelling as much...) I believe it'd be incredibly tiring. His continued progress in recovery should not be contingent on your abject gratitude.
You should be able to have and express your feelings without fear. Your feelings are valid and matter.
As for driving him around... Is there public transportation in your area? (Doesn't have to be a great system, just a system...) How would he be getting around if you were sick or on a trip or had your own errands or appointments to get to?
Wishing you peace and continued strength. Keep your chin up, you'll be ready to take whatever next right step in time.
Maybe some of that stuff you don't need to try to do anymore? I don't have any experience with an RA, but I think I'd had a very hard time giving unsolicited (or solicited) Great job!'s for stuff that shoud be a given in a healthy relationship (not drinking, not cheating, not yelling as much...) I believe it'd be incredibly tiring. His continued progress in recovery should not be contingent on your abject gratitude.
You should be able to have and express your feelings without fear. Your feelings are valid and matter.
As for driving him around... Is there public transportation in your area? (Doesn't have to be a great system, just a system...) How would he be getting around if you were sick or on a trip or had your own errands or appointments to get to?
Wishing you peace and continued strength. Keep your chin up, you'll be ready to take whatever next right step in time.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 322
I've been sick of many of the same thing Kboys. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
It's unfair. We shouldn't have to be eternally thankful and grateful for things that should be a give-in in a relationship/marriage.
This is such a horrible, awful, scarring disease for all involved.
It's unfair. We shouldn't have to be eternally thankful and grateful for things that should be a give-in in a relationship/marriage.
This is such a horrible, awful, scarring disease for all involved.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 19
Originally Posted by Kboys 
I am so sick of having to pretend like everything is all better now just because he's not drinking now.
So sick of telling him what a great job he's doing and how proud I am of him.
Like I'm supposed to worship the ground he walks on now just becuase he doesn't yell at me (as often or as intensely) anymore and doesn't call me names and tell me what a disappointment I am and doesn't spend all his money at the bar and cheat on me (that I know of). "Great job Honey!!"
Sick of expecting more remorse and more sincere apologies and not getting them because he "already said sorry, and isn't drinking, isn't that good enought?"
Sick of driving his a** around becuase he doesn't have a driver license.
Sick of walking on eggshells and not telling him what I'm really feeling becuase I'm afraid he'll get mad and I'm so sick of him being mad and I just want things to stay calm.
Sick of seeing the woman he cheated on me with EVERYWHERE I go.
Sick of wondering when he's going to drink again, and wondering if he's still cheating on me.
Sick of hoping things will get better, that I will start to feel better, but only feeling more and more pain.
Sick of worrying about it.
Sick of listening to myself talk about the same things but not actually just getting on with it and divorcing him and being done.
Just having a day and needed to vent....
Thanks for reading
So sick of telling him what a great job he's doing and how proud I am of him.
Like I'm supposed to worship the ground he walks on now just becuase he doesn't yell at me (as often or as intensely) anymore and doesn't call me names and tell me what a disappointment I am and doesn't spend all his money at the bar and cheat on me (that I know of). "Great job Honey!!"
Sick of expecting more remorse and more sincere apologies and not getting them because he "already said sorry, and isn't drinking, isn't that good enought?"
Sick of driving his a** around becuase he doesn't have a driver license.
Sick of walking on eggshells and not telling him what I'm really feeling becuase I'm afraid he'll get mad and I'm so sick of him being mad and I just want things to stay calm.
Sick of seeing the woman he cheated on me with EVERYWHERE I go.
Sick of wondering when he's going to drink again, and wondering if he's still cheating on me.
Sick of hoping things will get better, that I will start to feel better, but only feeling more and more pain.
Sick of worrying about it.
Sick of listening to myself talk about the same things but not actually just getting on with it and divorcing him and being done.
Just having a day and needed to vent....
Thanks for reading
but of course "I drove him to drink"....GTFOH!! I am lucky I
haven't taken it up! This is so stressful on me, on my son, my friends
and family! How can 1 person affect so many lives in a negative way!
Well I am TAKING MY LIFE BACK! I am not married to this man, I have
given him way more chances than I should have and I am NOT going to
be HIS VICTIM anymore!
You can do this KBoys! If I can do it, you can do it!
Your head is already telling you what your heart already knows!
SAVE YOURSELF!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: South Central USA
Posts: 1,478
Wow... yeah. Me too on a lot of those points you made. I'm sick too. I'm sick of the rug being pulled out from under me every time I get to the point I think I can start trusting again. This has to be some psychological warfare tactic! I'm tired too...big hugs
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
For those of us in recovery we really don't deserve to many atta boys because we are only doing what we should have been doing all the time. Sort of like wanting a compliment for not beating puppies anymore.
What actually means a lot to me is when someone says something like, "It is so nice to enjoy time with a sober you."
Ultimately I stay sober for me. If someone wishes to acknowledge the battle I face every second of my life that is wonderful and I love it. If not then they don't.
At the end of the day I know what I have accomplished and that is what makes the difference
What actually means a lot to me is when someone says something like, "It is so nice to enjoy time with a sober you."
Ultimately I stay sober for me. If someone wishes to acknowledge the battle I face every second of my life that is wonderful and I love it. If not then they don't.
At the end of the day I know what I have accomplished and that is what makes the difference
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 667
Originally Posted by MIRecovery
For those of us in recovery we really don't deserve to many atta boys because we are only doing what we should have been doing all the time. Sort of like wanting a compliment for not beating puppies anymore.
What actually means a lot to me is when someone says something like, "It is so nice to enjoy time with a sober you."
Ultimately I stay sober for me. If someone wishes to acknowledge the battle I face every second of my life that is wonderful and I love it. If not then they don't.
At the end of the day I know what I have accomplished and that is what makes the difference
What actually means a lot to me is when someone says something like, "It is so nice to enjoy time with a sober you."
Ultimately I stay sober for me. If someone wishes to acknowledge the battle I face every second of my life that is wonderful and I love it. If not then they don't.
At the end of the day I know what I have accomplished and that is what makes the difference
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 982
Thank you all so much for the responses. They are very much appreciated!
"As for driving him around... Is there public transportation in your area? (Doesn't have to be a great system, just a system...) How would he be getting around if you were sick or on a trip or had your own errands or appointments to get to"
We do have a public transportation system. Small town, so it's not great, but he could use it. Most of the time it's not an issue, because his work is on the way to mine and we usually work the same hours.
But other times, like yesterday, he didn't go to work, and had Court for his last arrest for violating probation. So I dropped him off at Court after my lunch break. I had told him I wasn't sure whether I would be able to come back to pick him up, and that he may have to walk or whatever. So then he called me about 45 minutes later and said he was done, and he had started walking. He said he didn't really want to walk all the way, could maybe call his brother but didn't really feel like seeing his brother, blah blah blah.
So I should have just said "well I can't leave work right now, see you when I get home." But I didn't... I went and picked him up. I think that's what really got me going on my rant yesterday. And I think I was more irritated at myself at that moment than at him. He could have walked... but the codependent in me didn't want him to have to do that. He's sick and it was cold, after all. AHHHH!!!
"As for driving him around... Is there public transportation in your area? (Doesn't have to be a great system, just a system...) How would he be getting around if you were sick or on a trip or had your own errands or appointments to get to"
We do have a public transportation system. Small town, so it's not great, but he could use it. Most of the time it's not an issue, because his work is on the way to mine and we usually work the same hours.
But other times, like yesterday, he didn't go to work, and had Court for his last arrest for violating probation. So I dropped him off at Court after my lunch break. I had told him I wasn't sure whether I would be able to come back to pick him up, and that he may have to walk or whatever. So then he called me about 45 minutes later and said he was done, and he had started walking. He said he didn't really want to walk all the way, could maybe call his brother but didn't really feel like seeing his brother, blah blah blah.
So I should have just said "well I can't leave work right now, see you when I get home." But I didn't... I went and picked him up. I think that's what really got me going on my rant yesterday. And I think I was more irritated at myself at that moment than at him. He could have walked... but the codependent in me didn't want him to have to do that. He's sick and it was cold, after all. AHHHH!!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
For those of us in recovery we really don't deserve to many atta boys because we are only doing what we should have been doing all the time. Sort of like wanting a compliment for not beating puppies anymore.
What actually means a lot to me is when someone says something like, "It is so nice to enjoy time with a sober you."
Ultimately I stay sober for me. If someone wishes to acknowledge the battle I face every second of my life that is wonderful and I love it. If not then they don't.
At the end of the day I know what I have accomplished and that is what makes the difference
What actually means a lot to me is when someone says something like, "It is so nice to enjoy time with a sober you."
Ultimately I stay sober for me. If someone wishes to acknowledge the battle I face every second of my life that is wonderful and I love it. If not then they don't.
At the end of the day I know what I have accomplished and that is what makes the difference
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 976
Who could blame you for being sick of it? After reading your post I'm sick of it for you!
Your post is a great example of just because an A stops drinking does not make them "fixed". And neither are we. Alcohol is just a symptom.
Focus on you Kboys and what makes you feel good. You deserve it.
Your post is a great example of just because an A stops drinking does not make them "fixed". And neither are we. Alcohol is just a symptom.
Focus on you Kboys and what makes you feel good. You deserve it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 976
Who could blame you for being sick of it? After reading your post I'm sick of it for you!
Your post is a great example of just because an A stops drinking does not make them "fixed". And neither are we. Alcohol is just a symptom.
Focus on you Kboys and what makes you feel good. You deserve it.
Your post is a great example of just because an A stops drinking does not make them "fixed". And neither are we. Alcohol is just a symptom.
Focus on you Kboys and what makes you feel good. You deserve it.
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