No longer in denial...i think!!
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 13
No longer in denial...i think!!
Hi, well this is a first for me being on here, not sure how it works, so here goes. I don't drink everyday, I don't crave it,so I don't recognise that im an alcoholic, but when I do drink I cant stop, and that's the problem. I go through phases where I don't drink at all, but then when I do I binge a few times a week, to the point of passing out, and usually on my own. And when im not on my own I make a real idiot of myself in front of the people im with. Its come to a head recently because a month ago I lived with 2 non drinking flat mates for 2 years, and im a shift worker, so when I got home from work I could and would drink, not always to excess but a lot of the times I did, and the nights I was with my flat mates I didn't drink at all because secretly I was hungover. Now Ive just bought my own house, and now that I have no one to disapprove of anything I do, in the last month ive stepped it all up and ended up drinking and smoking all the time. Ive always linked my binge drinking to smoking, I try and give up smoking so I give up drinking and all goes well, then when I eventually have a drink I buy smokes then end up drinking a whole heap and smoking the packet and the cycle continues.
I don't understand why I do this, I have an awesome career, very caring friends, and I just bought my dream home on my own. Im not sure why im ruining this next phase of my life by this ridiculous drinking, I just don't know whats wrong with me! I have everything I set my mind to get 3 years ago. I broke up with an ex, changed my career, saved like crazy, did lots of overtime, bought my home, and lived in it for a month, and all I seem to do is get drunk all the damn time! In between getting drunk I keep my house immaculate, walk my dog, and behave like a normal person, but then I let myself down big time by drinking. I should be sitting back and enjoying what ive achieved, but all I can do after my shifts is drink, smoke, pass out, and start the day/night by going to work, then doing it all over again!
The real kicker is that im 40, I should know better. Im single, no dependents, and have no real issues happening (except for the usual mortgage ones lol), there is nothing I cant fix or face in my life.
I don't know why I do this! Any insight from fellow readers who have similar things happening????
I don't understand why I do this, I have an awesome career, very caring friends, and I just bought my dream home on my own. Im not sure why im ruining this next phase of my life by this ridiculous drinking, I just don't know whats wrong with me! I have everything I set my mind to get 3 years ago. I broke up with an ex, changed my career, saved like crazy, did lots of overtime, bought my home, and lived in it for a month, and all I seem to do is get drunk all the damn time! In between getting drunk I keep my house immaculate, walk my dog, and behave like a normal person, but then I let myself down big time by drinking. I should be sitting back and enjoying what ive achieved, but all I can do after my shifts is drink, smoke, pass out, and start the day/night by going to work, then doing it all over again!
The real kicker is that im 40, I should know better. Im single, no dependents, and have no real issues happening (except for the usual mortgage ones lol), there is nothing I cant fix or face in my life.
I don't know why I do this! Any insight from fellow readers who have similar things happening????
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Welcome Jtlgg
Youl find a ton of support here
Read & print this to keep if you want its very useful http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html
Youl find a ton of support here
Read & print this to keep if you want its very useful http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 13
Im the person who wrote this post, and I now regret it, I thought I would get some input to my ongoing dilemma, but I will deal with it myself, if I could delete it I would, but I cant find a delete app on here! Take care everyone.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 22
jtlgg, if you are talking about soberwolfs John Lennon image. Then that is their signature so will appear at the bottom of every post they make automatically. They are not posting it as a response to anyone, the response is what is written above the image.
Sorry if that is not what you meant.
Sorry if that is not what you meant.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 13
Well I guess its inevitable, I suck on this site the way I suck in my life. If anyone knows how to delete on here please let me know. Ive tried everything. This is just as bad as the worst version of my hangover. Totally.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,874
Hey, jtlgg, I just came across your post.
Response times to posts sometimes varies; some people hang out in Newcomers, some in the Alcoholism forums, etc. Some click-on 'New Post' when they come to the forum which brings up all the new posts in every forum which quickly buries new posts from Page 1.
Alcoholism takes many forms - some drink daily, some drink every other day, some binge drink on weekends, some drink alone at home, some join drinking buddies at the bar or pub.
Some alcoholics can easily identify why they drink; for some it takes time and a lot of digging. I went through a ton of shovels.
For some, the problems alcoholism has brought to their lives is obvious - lost jobs, broken relationships, DUIs, jail time. For others, it is less obvious - troubled minds, broken souls.
Recovery takes different forms; we need to find what it right for us; it takes effort and introspection.
Have you thought about face-to-face support such as AA or counseling? I haven't utilized AA but many on this site have. From what I have read here and from what I have learned from two real-life AA friends, the Steps offer great introspection and a chance for healing.
We are here for you, jtlgg, and we truly do care.
Response times to posts sometimes varies; some people hang out in Newcomers, some in the Alcoholism forums, etc. Some click-on 'New Post' when they come to the forum which brings up all the new posts in every forum which quickly buries new posts from Page 1.
Alcoholism takes many forms - some drink daily, some drink every other day, some binge drink on weekends, some drink alone at home, some join drinking buddies at the bar or pub.
Some alcoholics can easily identify why they drink; for some it takes time and a lot of digging. I went through a ton of shovels.
For some, the problems alcoholism has brought to their lives is obvious - lost jobs, broken relationships, DUIs, jail time. For others, it is less obvious - troubled minds, broken souls.
Recovery takes different forms; we need to find what it right for us; it takes effort and introspection.
Have you thought about face-to-face support such as AA or counseling? I haven't utilized AA but many on this site have. From what I have read here and from what I have learned from two real-life AA friends, the Steps offer great introspection and a chance for healing.
We are here for you, jtlgg, and we truly do care.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 13
Thank you for your response Leigh, I appreciate it. I live in north queensland in Australia, its just not the same here for face to face. I just want to have online chats about stuff, but I realise I wont get that on here. And im a text book case by the way. You reminded me about when you mentioned licences. Ive lost mine 5 times. Yet I still hold a responsible job, I don't understand how I can be this way??? I work in the health industry on the front line saving lives, yet my personal life has dissolved into online forums!!!
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: FLAAADAH
Posts: 793
JTLGG, You may want to consider giving it a little more time for people to respond. A little patience goes a long way. If nothing else, sobriety and recovery will teach you patience.
So...do you want to stop drinking and enjoy life? Do YOU WANT to stop drinking and enjoy life. Only YOU can choose but it is possible that you may have lost the ability to choose. In addition to This website, SR, there are many programs available to you to kick your sobriety and recovery into high gear. AA, S.M.A.R.T Recovery, AVRT, Rational recovery, etc...check them out.
On a more somber note...by your own addmission and description of your drinking (Binging) Your alcoholic. Checkout Step 1 of AA. When you take a drink, the crave kicks in. Not before the drink.
Alcoholism is progressive. It always gets worse, never better. You may be flying high today but it wont last. The longer you drink, and the older you get, the more problems and health issues will surface.
Trust me.
Wishing you the best
DD
So...do you want to stop drinking and enjoy life? Do YOU WANT to stop drinking and enjoy life. Only YOU can choose but it is possible that you may have lost the ability to choose. In addition to This website, SR, there are many programs available to you to kick your sobriety and recovery into high gear. AA, S.M.A.R.T Recovery, AVRT, Rational recovery, etc...check them out.
On a more somber note...by your own addmission and description of your drinking (Binging) Your alcoholic. Checkout Step 1 of AA. When you take a drink, the crave kicks in. Not before the drink.
Alcoholism is progressive. It always gets worse, never better. You may be flying high today but it wont last. The longer you drink, and the older you get, the more problems and health issues will surface.
Trust me.
Wishing you the best
DD
Last edited by DuhDave; 01-06-2015 at 08:42 AM. Reason: Spelling
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,874
Originally Posted by jtlgg 
Thank you for your response Leigh, I appreciate it. I live in north queensland in Australia, its just not the same here for face to face. I just want to have online chats about stuff, but I realise I wont get that on here. And im a text book case by the way. You reminded me about when you mentioned licences. Ive lost mine 5 times. Yet I still hold a responsible job, I don't understand how I can be this way??? I work in the health industry on the front line saving lives, yet my personal life has dissolved into online forums!!!
Maybe, start a new thread ""How Does The Chat Room Work?"
Many people here hold responsible jobs - many among them are in the medical field. Thank you for being one of them.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,122
Hello jtlgg and welcome to sober recovery 
I empathsize with your feelings of embarassment after making the first few posts here as I had similar feelings myself after an intial post. Wanting to desperately delete posts thinking I was stupid or hijacked a thread from someone else. Come to discover that on SR, deleting is not allowed, typically, unless for special circumstances. Part of the reason for this is that it has allowed me and other users to reach out and help you and not undermine the time spent trying to help you with your questions and concerns.
I assure you though, there is no need for embarassment. Most folks here all want to help you in whatever stage of recovery you may be in. Some folks have a lot of knowledge and experience that they will undoubtedly share with you throughout this site, so I hope you keep posting. It takes a lot of courage to admit you have a problem-even if it is on an anonymous website.
I think SoberLeigh gave you some pretty good advice. It seems as though you are isolating and trying to overcome alcohol alone and that can be devastatingly difficult. Alcoholism is a terrible and cunning disease that typically cannot be defeated alone. Reaching out to AA or some other type of personal counseling may help you through this process.
Hope this helps and I am looking forward to reading some more posts from you in the future.
I empathsize with your feelings of embarassment after making the first few posts here as I had similar feelings myself after an intial post. Wanting to desperately delete posts thinking I was stupid or hijacked a thread from someone else. Come to discover that on SR, deleting is not allowed, typically, unless for special circumstances. Part of the reason for this is that it has allowed me and other users to reach out and help you and not undermine the time spent trying to help you with your questions and concerns.
I assure you though, there is no need for embarassment. Most folks here all want to help you in whatever stage of recovery you may be in. Some folks have a lot of knowledge and experience that they will undoubtedly share with you throughout this site, so I hope you keep posting. It takes a lot of courage to admit you have a problem-even if it is on an anonymous website.
I think SoberLeigh gave you some pretty good advice. It seems as though you are isolating and trying to overcome alcohol alone and that can be devastatingly difficult. Alcoholism is a terrible and cunning disease that typically cannot be defeated alone. Reaching out to AA or some other type of personal counseling may help you through this process.
Hope this helps and I am looking forward to reading some more posts from you in the future.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,874
Originally Posted by SoberLeigh
There is a chat room here, jtlgg. I haven't used it but you will find an icon to click in the blue bar close to the top of the page. I have also seen that the chat room has scheduled meetings. I am sorry that I am not much help here.
Maybe, start a new thread ""How Does The Chat Room Work?"
Many people here hold responsible jobs - many among them are in the medical field. Thank you for being one of them.
Maybe, start a new thread ""How Does The Chat Room Work?"
Many people here hold responsible jobs - many among them are in the medical field. Thank you for being one of them.
Just came across this:
Chat Meetings and Chat Discussions - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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