Returning2drink

Hi
This is weird.. I feel like I'm in group therapy or something! 😳
So, years ago I was a daily dope smoker and regular alone binge drinker.
After years with the BEST therapist in the world, I "got better" and was happy doing the never drunk/ no more drugs/ married with family/ thing.
Recently started losing it. Went back to my old therapist late last year because life was really sucking...
He sadly took leave for a couple of weeks (as you do in the holidays) and I managed to lose control of the drinking thing. He actually looked stricken when he saw the state I was in yesterday.....
So I'm trying to stop, and it's been 24 hours and I'm scared because I know I'll wake up "thinking" and I prefer the stupor... Have been reading some of the threads and eerily see myself in some of the posts...
But I have to stop.....
Crying now....
Don't like the "do it, don't do it" head chat... How do I not become the alcoholic mother? I still want a drink....

countrygirl2014

Take away the stereotypical image you have of the alcoholic mother. I am an alcoholic mother. I had a job, never hurt my child, did things with her, made a safe beautiful home for her...and the minute she went to bed and sometimes before I pounded away beers. I would put her on the bus in the morning then comeback and sleep off the hangover. I was disconnected emotionally from her. They would never make a movie about me. You wouldn't know I was an alcoholic. I hid it. And all the turmoil in my mind. You want to stop. Or you wouldn't be here. It took me a long time to finally stop. I did it one day at a time. It bothered me how much I drank. I can't be all I can be while drinking. I finally said enough. 2 weeks of minor withdrawals. And a lifetime of "group therapy". It's nothing to be ashamed of. I am so glad I decided to quit drinking, and go to AA, and hang out here. Life is beautiful again and not out of control. Just for today...don't drink. It's only today, right? Then tomorrow repeat. Welcome!

Jennifer

Soberwolf

Hi R2D well done on 24h thats amazing

try these links http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

headcase1

Welcome, I like the way this feels like group therapy! I hope we can help you stay sober! Don't listen to the thoughts in your head, listen to us! We know how you feel & will offer our support.

mns1

Just know that you have a choice. You've made it this far keep pushing forward. The urge surfing and craving tips that soberwolf put up are very helpful. It may not me easy at first but you have to stay focused.

You mention your motherhood which tells me your child/children are very important to you and you believe alcohol will keep you from being the best mother that you can be. I think if you keep that at the forefront of your mind you will find the will to push through this.

Keep it up!

BeBetterforkids

Like countrygirl said - I am also an alcoholic mom that hides it very well. I've never physically harmed my children. I have a great job, loving husband, blah blah. I just KNOW I can be better with my kids and my husband and give them the best me, that they deserve. I grew up with a Mom that never drank and a Dad that drank all the time. The relationship I have with my mom is much stronger because she was the one that took care of us...she always had the energy to to play while my Dad was hungover. He never "hurt" any of us, but once we were old enough to realize it....we knew why Dad was always "sick". You can do this !!

anattaboy

For me keeping the awareness fresh is important and contacts with other drunks/addicts helps me do that. For now it's daily SR for me at 6+ months but I've been known to go to a meeting. For this alcoholic the forgetfulness could kill me next time. Maybe branch out a bit. Sounds like all your eggs were in one basket with the awesome therapist. You can get a few #'s at AA easily enough for crisis times or try many of the techniques discussed here (Urge Surfing, AVRT, Writing, exercising, venting here, etc.). Me? I can't keep enough tools in the box and I've found more support tips here than any one spot. So I didn't leave. Hope you stay too R2D.

SoberLeigh

^^^^^ This.

Welcome to SR.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!! 24hrs is fantastic!!

Returning2drink

Thirty six hours was, alas, the height of my "achievement"
The agitation and tears are gone...
Maybe tomorrow will be a better day?
Thanks anyway soberwolf, headcase1, countrygirl14 and others who responded!

countrygirl2014

Keep on trying. If I only kept track of how many 36 hours I had...you would probably laugh at me. You CAN do this. SR will be here for you.

Jennifer

Returning2drink

So - this is a genuine question...
After my "relapse after just 36 hours" �� I drank myself into a very nice stupor, went to sleep and then got up for a morning shrink's appt! I told him I was happy drinking and NO - I didn't want any nice calming psych drugs to help me quit!
Four hours later after something happened that I just couldn't cope with I rang him to BEG for drugs because I had four kids in the house and I knew I was going to go on a massive drinking spree and had no willpower!
Two hours later I was at home again, first happy pill making me feel very calm, when yet another horrendous thing happened!
If I hadn't received the psych drugs - alprazolam - I seriously think I would have drunk an entire bottle of my favorite top shelf drink and possibly killed myself overdoing it!
So / the question is - does it count if I'm using prescribed drugs to stop me drinking alcohol?
I still crave the stuff and if I hadn't PROMISED the kind prescriber not to drink while taking a schedule 8 drug I would have by now....
It's almost three days since I drank alcohol but I DO have chemical assistance! If I was doing this without legal drugs, I seriously think id be dead... Or in hospital from poisoning...
What do u think???

FreeOwl

Welcome.

I'm sure I wouldn't be over a year sober if I didn't come here almost daily, go to AA regularly, read the big book, work the steps, do service work, see my therapist and keep my head freshly in recovery every day / week while also keeping a focus on gratitude and all the cherished goodness that comes with sober life.

Does that sound like a lot of work?

Because I thought so too at first..... But now it just feels like a sincere, wonderful, rewarding, joyous life.

~an alcoholic Dad~

Returning2drink

So - am I ever going to enjoy life again? With no alcohol? Alcohol takes the edges off! Without alcohol there's just my s****y life and me?
I feel like I need a tiny violin to cry me a river!

FreeOwl

If you embrace sobriety, you will enjoy life more than you ever dreamed possible.

BernieE

I thought I had a s****y life, too. I felt hemmed in, even embarrassed when I compared myself to the lives I imagined others to have. And that was my excuse to drink, sometimes. I had a whole list of reasons that rotated through.

I actually have a great life filled with people who I love and who love me, with challenging work and many opportunities. No, I didn't make a lot of changes, didn't divorce my H or quit my job or move to a warm climate. The only thing that really changed is me, my thinking and my relationship with alcohol. That breakup has been the best thing I've ever done. That abusive lover convinces you you can't live without him, this time will be better, he only wants what is best for you.

You can kick him to the curb and live a life of freedom from addiction. You can do it.

anattaboy

If it were that bad sober why so many saying otherwise here. Sure it's scary--most things in life are that are worth anything --scarier cuz the addiction reads your intent and will kick and scream. You can NOT be your addiction. My AV still sees me as the sober loser dude almost daily. Getting on the treadmill for a mile ixnays that lame self pity. Doing it for 6+ months has me believing it (I'm not my addiction anymore). You aren't yours either.