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AA meetings - my questions, thoughts and concerns

Old 01-06-2015, 03:26 AM
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AA meetings - my questions, thoughts and concerns

Hi all,

This is my first post so apologies if I am in the wrong place.

I have hit a wall, mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally and I am not sure of my next steps.

I may write more about myself later, but for now I have realised that not only is my drinking again excessive after a period of trying to control it (not stop just moderate it - fail), but I am more aware of how little I can control it. Well to be more clear, I am being more honest with myself about how little I can control it. I have been aware this last 12 months (or more) how much it is taking over my life again but not wanting to really admit it.

Anyway, Sunday night that just went past I was stinging for a beer even though I had said to myself I needed to refrain (after a bigish new year). I had that beer at home in double quick time and then decided I was going out. I had to work the next day, the first day back after nearly three weeks off, but that mattered little because I was just going to have a couple. Yeah right...

Turns out I could not go to work due still feeling drunk in the morning.

So I spent the day in bed trying to not to throw up or give myself too hard a time but also recognising that I need to do something differently. So I started looking at AA meetings. There was one tonight and I thought I may go, but ended up going to the gym instead which was great but maybe I need something more right now...??

My concerns, questions and fears are as follows:

- what do the different meetings mean - open, speaker, Living Sober book discussion, meditation meeting, etc. Which one is the one I should or could go to as a new person. I am in Australia.

- What happens if I go locally and I see someone I know. I feel so self conscious. I feel like I will just cry I go because I have so much pent up stuff that I don't want to share with friends or family cause I feel like I have failed to be a good person.

- What will happen at the meeting? Is it just people speaking and then everyone goes home? Is there advice given or just venting?

- How would I make myself walk in to a room of strangers and admit I suck a bit when it comes to controlling myself?

- And this may be strange but what does it mean to ME to go there? What would I think of myself? I don't want to be labelled as (and even typing this is hard) an alcoholic (Ugh that hurt)? I feel a little like it is giving myself a limiting and negative tag which is probably stupid considering I limit myself by drinking anyway and create negative versions of myself each time I drink.

So being confused and scared I went to the gym and got a little endorphin rush and spoke to people I know and acted like all was well. When inside I feel like I suck a bit and I hurt and I am scared of myself and what I can do to myself. And I am afraid of what may happen again if I give into another sneaky beer and I am also afraid of what happens if I don't. And yet at the same time I am excited by what I could achieve if I was not spending so much time drinking, with a hangover or orientating my life decisions around if I can drink before, during or after something.

Sorry for that little rant, had to get it out.

I am hoping someone may be able to shed some light on the what I may expected in an AA meeting and how I may overcome my trepidation and if it is really for me or can I go it alone with support from a counsellor. My heart thinks a counsellor will not really get it though, someone who has the urges I do might be more useful. Yep a bit confused about the next steps.

Much love,
Kate

PS: as I type this I can hear across the water the sound of the bell that rings in the bar down there when a table orders a round of shots.... lol
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Old 01-06-2015, 03:35 AM
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An open meeting is for everyone. A living sober meeting is based on AA literature. The read from the living sober book and then people share on it. Same with the big book meeting. The speaker meeting is an AA member with some time tells their story of alcoholism. There are also beginners meeting which would be perfect for you.

Jennifer
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Old 01-06-2015, 03:36 AM
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Hi Kate certain mtns are about certain things in AA

I would suggest going to a newcomers mtn

Meeting Search
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Old 01-06-2015, 03:38 AM
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These are all questions and fears that every person in AA had themselves at one time.

The types of meetings just refer to the particular topic. Any of them are appropriate to go to as a newcomer. The 'open' meetings just mean that they are open to non-alcoholics (such as nursing students for example) who have an interest in the program, but are not themselves seeking to stop drinking. All AA meetings welcome anyone who wishes to stop drinking - which is the only requirement for membership.

All your other questions will be best answered simply by GOING.

I understand your concern about being seen. Let that go. You are suffering... And rest assured that anyone you may happen to know who you see at an AA meeting will also be suffering or at least will understand your suffering. AA is anonymous and I have never seen it be otherwise. It has worked for nearly a hundred years for good reason.

You sound ready to break the awful chains of addiction to alcohol. I know how tough that can feel. Particularly so in Australian culture. I hope you'll go I've AA a shot.... You will find quickly that your fears are unfounded and what will greet you is an understanding fellowship of people who get it and who are there to help one another free themselves from the darkness of alcohol.
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Old 01-06-2015, 03:41 AM
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I was a godless, non religious close minded, judge mental alcoholic. My best advice would be this. Go to either an open, beginners or living sober meeting or a discussion meeting. The people are going to share on the topic at hand. Do NOT worry about sharing. Just listen, bring a notebook, and find at least one helpful thing that someone might say. If anything they say rubs you the wrong way, just let it roll and wait for the next person to speak. Keep an open mind, try many different meetings. Some are actually fun. And don't worry about bumping into someone you know. It's anonymous. You keep your mouth quiet about who you saw...they usually do the same.

Jennifer
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Old 01-06-2015, 03:43 AM
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Where are you in Australia?

I know some good meetings in Melbourne, if that helps.

If you want to know what AA is all about and you don't fancy fronting up to a meeting yet, there is a book they wrote called funnily enough, Alcoholics Anonymous.

There are plenty of Pdf versions available on line.

Read that, it's the basic text book of AA and contains information to help you identify your drinking and outlines the plan on how to recover from alcoholism.

Easy and free

Welcome to SR.
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Old 01-06-2015, 03:43 AM
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I was so nervous my first meeting. I sat in my truck wondering if I was at the right place, trying to figure out what other alcoholics look like (lol), and 800 other anxieties. I was also nervous about bumping into someone that knew me. I always feel better after a meeting. It's really worth it. If anyone gives you suggestions, listen...and try them.

Jennifer
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Old 01-06-2015, 03:46 AM
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Now that I am sober I don't really care who knows. When I was still drinking I was scared of anyone knowing if that makes sense. As someone who has felt the same things, you could drive 20 minutes and try a meeting across town to get your feet wet. What do you have to lose? You could think of it as an experiment. I think they have a saying that if you don't like it you can always have your misery refunded at the door.

Gosh I can relate to everything you wrote including the hangovers and work story. I say give a meeting a try.
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Old 01-06-2015, 04:10 AM
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The last thing you should worry about is who might be there that you know, thin on this, if you know them and don't know they go obviously it will not be an issue. Who you see there, what is said there, stays there.
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Old 01-06-2015, 04:12 AM
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[QUOTE=MelindaFlowers;5120254]Now that I am sober I don't really care who knows. When I was still drinking I was scared of anyone knowing if that makes sense.

That totally makes sense. Thanks for the perspective.
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Old 01-06-2015, 04:18 AM
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Thanks everyone for your replies and suggestions, I really appreciate it.

Hawks I am not in Melbourne, but the slightly larger city up the road by the coast ;-) I like your suggestion about checking out the resources online to see if that suits me.

Jennifer, you made me laugh when you said ' I sat in my truck wondering if I was at the right place, trying to figure out what other alcoholics look like (lol), and 800 other anxieties.' because that is what I pictured myself doing.

Thanks again for taking the time to explain the types of meetings.

Kate
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Old 01-06-2015, 04:20 AM
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thank you to FreeOwl
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Old 01-06-2015, 04:26 AM
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No problem! Keep me posted if you go. I hope if you do you giggle at the thought of my post.

Jennifer
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Old 01-06-2015, 04:37 AM
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I understand the anxiety and the questions, we all had it and we all had them.

It is time to honestly ask yourself if any of them are so important that they would keep you from seeking sobriety?

If not, then go to a meeting. They won't bite you.

The AA Big Book is available online as well as a lot of other literature. You can scope it out before you go.

If you have fear of going alone then call the AA hotline or see if your town has a local AA intergroup. They can send someone to meet you or perhaps even pick you up and take you.

Of course there are other options other than AA if after reading some information you do not feel it is for you.

The idea is to find a recovery plan and stick to it. Try the same one for at least 30 days. You should know what kind of drinking problem you have once you try to stop completely and if the plan you have is working for you. If the plan does not, then remain sober and find another one.

Don't give up, keep trying. If you really want to stop then put all of your heart and soul into it.

If you just want to control your drinking, then AA will not work. You need to admit to yourself that you have a problem, however you label or don't label yourself, and stop drinking. The change is not just to set down the bottle, the change is to yourself and how you see that alcohol effects your life and your relationships.
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Old 01-06-2015, 05:09 AM
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Hi and welcome to a period of life that can be so gratifying, if we let it.
Much good thoughts above that I’ve read so I’ll add a couple that seem to ruffle newcomers. First is if you end up at a discussion meeting you don’t need to say anything, you might say I’m Kate and I’m new. Believe me that’s enough, we learn by listening. Try to remember that anyone there is there for the same reason we are all there, we are alcoholics trying to get/be sober. If we let ourselves we can befriend some beautiful people, just remember WOMEN FOR WOMEN, MEN FOR MEN because we are very venerable in early sobriety. Hopefully you can hook up with someone you can identify with and get to a bunch of meetings before making any decisions.
The program has been working for many years and has helped millions worldwide. It works if we work it one day at a time in a row.

BE WELL
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Old 01-06-2015, 05:54 AM
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Originally Posted by Kate15 View Post
Hi all,

This is my first post so apologies if I am in the wrong place.

I have hit a wall, mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally and I am not sure of my next steps.

I may write more about myself later, but for now I have realised that not only is my drinking again excessive after a period of trying to control it (not stop just moderate it - fail), but I am more aware of how little I can control it. Well to be more clear, I am being more honest with myself about how little I can control it. I have been aware this last 12 months (or more) how much it is taking over my life again but not wanting to really admit it.

Anyway, Sunday night that just went past I was stinging for a beer even though I had said to myself I needed to refrain (after a bigish new year). I had that beer at home in double quick time and then decided I was going out. I had to work the next day, the first day back after nearly three weeks off, but that mattered little because I was just going to have a couple. Yeah right...

Turns out I could not go to work due still feeling drunk in the morning.

So I spent the day in bed trying to not to throw up or give myself too hard a time but also recognising that I need to do something differently. So I started looking at AA meetings. There was one tonight and I thought I may go, but ended up going to the gym instead which was great but maybe I need something more right now...??

My concerns, questions and fears are as follows:

- what do the different meetings mean - open, speaker, Living Sober book discussion, meditation meeting, etc. Which one is the one I should or could go to as a new person. I am in Australia.

- What happens if I go locally and I see someone I know. I feel so self conscious. I feel like I will just cry I go because I have so much pent up stuff that I don't want to share with friends or family cause I feel like I have failed to be a good person.

- What will happen at the meeting? Is it just people speaking and then everyone goes home? Is there advice given or just venting?

- How would I make myself walk in to a room of strangers and admit I suck a bit when it comes to controlling myself?

- And this may be strange but what does it mean to ME to go there? What would I think of myself? I don't want to be labelled as (and even typing this is hard) an alcoholic (Ugh that hurt)? I feel a little like it is giving myself a limiting and negative tag which is probably stupid considering I limit myself by drinking anyway and create negative versions of myself each time I drink.

So being confused and scared I went to the gym and got a little endorphin rush and spoke to people I know and acted like all was well. When inside I feel like I suck a bit and I hurt and I am scared of myself and what I can do to myself. And I am afraid of what may happen again if I give into another sneaky beer and I am also afraid of what happens if I don't. And yet at the same time I am excited by what I could achieve if I was not spending so much time drinking, with a hangover or orientating my life decisions around if I can drink before, during or after something.

Sorry for that little rant, had to get it out.

I am hoping someone may be able to shed some light on the what I may expected in an AA meeting and how I may overcome my trepidation and if it is really for me or can I go it alone with support from a counsellor. My heart thinks a counsellor will not really get it though, someone who has the urges I do might be more useful. Yep a bit confused about the next steps.

Much love,
Kate

PS: as I type this I can hear across the water the sound of the bell that rings in the bar down there when a table orders a round of shots.... lol

Glad you're here!
ummm, you may have to consider relocating, perhaps.......That bell is pretty pavlovian

Here's a couple links that may be helpful ;
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-42_abriefguidetoaa.pdf
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-24_anewcomerask.pdf
Alcoholics Anonymous : A.A. for the Woman


Keep coming back, Welcome!
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Old 01-06-2015, 06:46 AM
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so long as you go to the right kind of meeting for a new comer then you will be able to listen to others share there own experiences and you will be able to see if your like them or not

its the identification i got with with others in the rooms that made my mind up that i was just like them

so pop along and see for yourself

the good side is you can go along to a meeting hearing them share and coming to see that your not an alcoholic as not everyone who comes into aa is one so at least they find that out about themselves

so what is there to lose other than an hour or so of your time ? i would say try a few meetings out first to make sure you get a taste of the different kind of meetings there are around

believe me when your in aa you know the meetings to avoid at all costs
that might sound strange as you will be thinking aa is all the same ? but its not i can see a good few aa memebers even on this site that i know i wouldnt be in the same kind of meetings they go to as i see them as still controling type of people full of manipulation tricks they have learned from there sponsors etc

anyway like i say try out the meetings and see for yourself if it can help you
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Old 01-06-2015, 07:16 AM
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Welcome,

I'm not an AA person, but you've gotten lots of good information here about meetings.

I do hope you continue to read and post here on SR.
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Old 01-07-2015, 04:28 AM
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Originally Posted by GracieLou View Post
I understand the anxiety and the questions, we all had it and we all had them.

It is time to honestly ask yourself if any of them are so important that they would keep you from seeking sobriety?

If not, then go to a meeting. They won't bite you.

The AA Big Book is available online as well as a lot of other literature. You can scope it out before you go.

If you have fear of going alone then call the AA hotline or see if your town has a local AA intergroup. They can send someone to meet you or perhaps even pick you up and take you.

Of course there are other options other than AA if after reading some information you do not feel it is for you.

The idea is to find a recovery plan and stick to it. Try the same one for at least 30 days. You should know what kind of drinking problem you have once you try to stop completely and if the plan you have is working for you. If the plan does not, then remain sober and find another one.

Don't give up, keep trying. If you really want to stop then put all of your heart and soul into it.

If you just want to control your drinking, then AA will not work. You need to admit to yourself that you have a problem, however you label or don't label yourself, and stop drinking. The change is not just to set down the bottle, the change is to yourself and how you see that alcohol effects your life and your relationships.
Thank you for those thoughts
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Old 01-07-2015, 04:33 AM
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Thanks for the words. The bell's timing just made me giggle. At least I don't like schnapps shots which is what they are serving down there :-)
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