Daddy's on Meth
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 3
Daddy's on Meth
Hi! I am a new poster, and new to the world of family addicted to drugs. I myself was addicted to pain killers because of a medical condition for two years. I got myself off about two years ago. I also fooled around with meth for a couple of months, really liked it, and made myself stop.
Now to the problem. My boyfriend and I were living in a property that belonged to my grandparents for a few months. One day, my dad showed up, claiming that his almost 20 year relationship with my stepmom was done. Apparently she had kicked him out of the house, and he was tired of her holding him back. So he moved into the disconnect downstairs basement below us. He wanted to be himself.
Well, we started seeing weird patterns, like staying up to all hours of the night (we're in the service/music industry, and it was still too late for us), mood swings, and weight loss. One night a crazy fight broke out between him and my boyfriend of 1 1/2 years, and the short of it is that he is kicking us out. Many more weeks of craziness ensued with everything from him threatening to fight my boyfriend, to doing demo downstairs at 4 am.
There is a lot I'm leaving out, for time and post-lenght sake, but none of this has made sense. Until the other day. Coming from a mutual musician friend (more ours than his) we find out that's dad is doing meth. He moved some dealers into the place he kicked us out of.
I just don't know what to do. I have been a Daddy's girl by definition for my whole life. He won't even talk to me now. I don't think his wife or parents know.
I don't want him in the newspaper. I don't want to see him in jail. What do I do? Do I confront him? Do I talk to family about some kind of intervention? What do I do?
Now to the problem. My boyfriend and I were living in a property that belonged to my grandparents for a few months. One day, my dad showed up, claiming that his almost 20 year relationship with my stepmom was done. Apparently she had kicked him out of the house, and he was tired of her holding him back. So he moved into the disconnect downstairs basement below us. He wanted to be himself.
Well, we started seeing weird patterns, like staying up to all hours of the night (we're in the service/music industry, and it was still too late for us), mood swings, and weight loss. One night a crazy fight broke out between him and my boyfriend of 1 1/2 years, and the short of it is that he is kicking us out. Many more weeks of craziness ensued with everything from him threatening to fight my boyfriend, to doing demo downstairs at 4 am.
There is a lot I'm leaving out, for time and post-lenght sake, but none of this has made sense. Until the other day. Coming from a mutual musician friend (more ours than his) we find out that's dad is doing meth. He moved some dealers into the place he kicked us out of.
I just don't know what to do. I have been a Daddy's girl by definition for my whole life. He won't even talk to me now. I don't think his wife or parents know.
I don't want him in the newspaper. I don't want to see him in jail. What do I do? Do I confront him? Do I talk to family about some kind of intervention? What do I do?
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Sadly, dear, there isn't much you can do except perhaps express your love and concern to him and then take a giant step back and let him work through this himself.
As long as he is in active addiction, you really don't want to get close, it's a dangerous and nasty place to be and helps nobody.
Try to live your own life well and maybe say a prayer and leave his addiction and potential desire for recovery between him and God.
I'm sorry you have to go through all this, it breaks our hearts to watch someone we love self-destruct.
Hugs
As long as he is in active addiction, you really don't want to get close, it's a dangerous and nasty place to be and helps nobody.
Try to live your own life well and maybe say a prayer and leave his addiction and potential desire for recovery between him and God.
I'm sorry you have to go through all this, it breaks our hearts to watch someone we love self-destruct.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Welcome jamielaurie, I am glad you found us. but sorry for why you needed to.
As Ann said, there isn't much you can do, to make him stop. It's probably a blessing that you do not have to live near the addiction.
I hope you stick around here, and others will chime in to offer you help soon.
It has to be very sad for you. I am so sorry. I guess if it was me, and he tried to contact me, I would be very honest about what I thought was going on, and to let him know that I would not put my self into a dangerous position. I wish you and your father the best.
hugs
chicory
As Ann said, there isn't much you can do, to make him stop. It's probably a blessing that you do not have to live near the addiction.
I hope you stick around here, and others will chime in to offer you help soon.
It has to be very sad for you. I am so sorry. I guess if it was me, and he tried to contact me, I would be very honest about what I thought was going on, and to let him know that I would not put my self into a dangerous position. I wish you and your father the best.
hugs
chicory
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Oh my dear, I am very sorry. It's likely his wife already knows, but it would be wise in my opinion to tell her for her own sake.
Outside of that, there is not much you can do. You may write him a letter of concern, but don't expect it to actually change anything.
I am so sorry for your hurt.
Outside of that, there is not much you can do. You may write him a letter of concern, but don't expect it to actually change anything.
I am so sorry for your hurt.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: AZ
Posts: 309
Hi, my husband is struggling with meth addiction. It turned him into a monster. Pure evil. Moody, violent and unpredictable. He is over 30 days clean now, but not after the aftermath of pure destruction. His clean time has nothing to do with me or family.
Sweetie, the brain shuts of all "feel good" sensors except to meth. It is a horrible drug. You cannot get him clean. My H even went to treatment during his year of destruction, still getting high while in the facility. My H lost it all. A home, family, great job, good friends, and respect. He is starting to slowly get some of those things back, but meth does not let go easily. One year of PAWS (look that term up) before the brain finally starts to accept recovery. It is the most mental withdrawal of any drug out there.
There is no talking to him right now. You will only be met with anger, lies and violence. Just let him fall. I know it hurts, but there is nothing you can do for him. And, I am pretty sure the wife knows. She probably did not tell you because you might not have believed it?
Sorry you are put in this situation, but I would continue not talking to him if you can.
Sweetie, the brain shuts of all "feel good" sensors except to meth. It is a horrible drug. You cannot get him clean. My H even went to treatment during his year of destruction, still getting high while in the facility. My H lost it all. A home, family, great job, good friends, and respect. He is starting to slowly get some of those things back, but meth does not let go easily. One year of PAWS (look that term up) before the brain finally starts to accept recovery. It is the most mental withdrawal of any drug out there.
There is no talking to him right now. You will only be met with anger, lies and violence. Just let him fall. I know it hurts, but there is nothing you can do for him. And, I am pretty sure the wife knows. She probably did not tell you because you might not have believed it?
Sorry you are put in this situation, but I would continue not talking to him if you can.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 3
Weird
So this happened... Ive been racking my brain the last week or so trying to figure out how to handle this situation. The last two times I saw my dad, he acted as though I didn't exist. Well, I saw him today on our local Main Street. We haven't talked. He gave me a big hug and then basically started rambling about filing for divorce, how he only weighs 170 lbs (small for him), starting a bed and Breakfast, having 3 interviews for new jobs, moving to montana for a year and a half soon... The only thing I could think or feel the whole time was like he was some kind of disease, rabid animal. I knew I wasn't talking to my dad. I didn't say anything about the drugs, and at the end I probably got a full 1 minute hug.
He was boney, and it was sad. My mom sucks, and my dad was the last person I had that I trusted no matter what. He was always on my side. Thankfully, my boyfriend has an amazing family that loves me as their own, but it hurts to see your rock crumble. I don't think I'm looking for an answer here, just maybe an outlet. Thank you all for your responses. They are all so appreciated, and I am sorry for any of us to have to go through this. Also, if it matters, I forgot to mention in the OP, that I am 27, and he is 55. **** me, man.
He was boney, and it was sad. My mom sucks, and my dad was the last person I had that I trusted no matter what. He was always on my side. Thankfully, my boyfriend has an amazing family that loves me as their own, but it hurts to see your rock crumble. I don't think I'm looking for an answer here, just maybe an outlet. Thank you all for your responses. They are all so appreciated, and I am sorry for any of us to have to go through this. Also, if it matters, I forgot to mention in the OP, that I am 27, and he is 55. **** me, man.
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Hi Jamie, It's got to be incredibly difficult to see the Dad you could always count on to be there for you spiral down. I know when I was dealing with out of control addiction in my life, I was pretty much in shock - It just wasn't something that I'd ever experienced and the people I was close to were pretty clueless too. I was still trying to control it and fix it too, which made things even worse.
What helped me most was finding Naranon meetings - they are for family and friends of drug addicts. I tried Alanon too - same thing , just focused more on friends and families of Alcoholics. Many people find either is helpful and generally it is easier to find more Alanon meetings around than Naranon. For me, the Naranon group had more people in situations similar to mine and less spouses and I quickly related to folks there. I went to my first meeting 9 years ago but I can still recall vividly the feeling of relief just to know that there were other people who understood. It was like being surrounded by lots of good friends letting you know that together we'll get through it. It took time to work through things and I had to work hard to get back to a healthy me, but that immediate sense of being understood was something I will never forget.
You may also find talking to a counselor would be helpful. Having a detached third party that can help you work through your feelings can be a huge help. I suspect in many ways you are grieving since the Dad you love is unavailable for you.
I'm truly sorry you are going through this. I sure hope your Dad figures things out and gets help for himself and that some day you will be able to reestablish a healthy relationship with him.
What helped me most was finding Naranon meetings - they are for family and friends of drug addicts. I tried Alanon too - same thing , just focused more on friends and families of Alcoholics. Many people find either is helpful and generally it is easier to find more Alanon meetings around than Naranon. For me, the Naranon group had more people in situations similar to mine and less spouses and I quickly related to folks there. I went to my first meeting 9 years ago but I can still recall vividly the feeling of relief just to know that there were other people who understood. It was like being surrounded by lots of good friends letting you know that together we'll get through it. It took time to work through things and I had to work hard to get back to a healthy me, but that immediate sense of being understood was something I will never forget.
You may also find talking to a counselor would be helpful. Having a detached third party that can help you work through your feelings can be a huge help. I suspect in many ways you are grieving since the Dad you love is unavailable for you.
I'm truly sorry you are going through this. I sure hope your Dad figures things out and gets help for himself and that some day you will be able to reestablish a healthy relationship with him.
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