Mrrryah1

The last week I've been having random emotional outbursts (varied - depression/anger/anxiety/loneliness) but they seem to come on heavy, strong, and sudden.

I wake up the next day wondering - wow "WTF was my problem :|" and feel embarrassed for things I text/say while sober and emotional.... feeling almost like when I WAS drinking, with the guilt/shame/remorse. Only to end up having the same thing repeat itself the next day.

I feel powerless over my emotional/mental state lately and it is not a good feeling.

I'm coming up on 30 days sober, and I can't even count the number of times I have relapsed "just shy" of 30 days. Between weeks 3-4 seem to be a huge challenge for me - and I'm not really sure why.

I'm not sure if it's that I'm still "emotionally defrosting" from numbing out with drinking/drugs, or what is going on, but I don't like it one bit.

I don't want to drink today or right this moment, thank god for that, but these feelings are uncomfortable and I know in the past they have been a precursor for relapse.

I know ultimately I have the choice to pick up that first drink - or not - when it comes down to it. But I'm terrified of getting to a place where mentally/emotionally/spiritually I feel like there is no other option.

Open to any suggestions others might have who have experienced the same thing....... or even just if any of you can relate to what I'm going through......... it's nice to know I'm not alone.

Wish everyone another 24 hours of contentment and sobriety.

Mrrr.

Anna

Sure, I felt like my emotions were all over the place.

It was huge for me to learn that my emotions didn't have to control me. I could feel them and let them go. They didn't have to govern my behavior.

"A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle was a great help for me.

IfYouCanDream

All those emotions are part of the alcohol thirst. All this tension building up... I know the feeling. Once you realize that this is just your AV trying to make you reach for the bottle again it becomes easier to calm down and get some perspective. What I'm trying to remember is 'no matter what happens I will never drink again'. Make it your mantra. Once you truly decide there will be no excuse for drinking things seem to settle down on their own.

ZPQX

Double post.

ZPQX

I'm not an expert, but it seems logical to me. Alcohol affects the brain and how you feel. It changes under the influence of alcohol. So without it, it needs to restore. Since it's the organ that generates emotions, it's not illogical to think that you'll notice some emotional disturbances while your brain adjusts. I once heard that it can take up to a year for the brain to re-boot. Which doesn't mean that you'll have emotional problems for 11 more months, I think that it'll gradually get better.

In any case, it's a good sign. It means that you're healing. Maybe that thought will get you through the difficult period.

mns1

Hi Mrrr,

You are never alone on here.

And no matter how hard things may seem, saying no alcohol and pushing forward is ALWAYS an option.

Hang in there!

doggonecarl

Thirty days sober, while a great accomplishment, is soooo very early in the recovery process. Emotional rawness is a fact. Expecting it to be different is setting yourself up for disappointment. And telling yourself weeks 3-4 are a hurdle is a self-fulfilling prophecy you need to get past.

Accept the rawness. "Feeling" isn't all about "feeling good." We have to experience and cope with the bad feelings too...without feeling the need to escape or numb them.

fini

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html

Mrrr,
maybe you'll find some reassurance from the linked-to posting.

part of it is "just" the brain.
i know that's no real comfort while in the grip of emotional crap, but maybe it will make it a bit easier to detach to know it WILL change.

Soberwolf

Hi Mrrryah i was having cravings up until month 5 so i know what your going through

i really agree with Anna in learning my emotions dont control me and i can feel them and let them go without them governing my behaviour

sometimes i sat there with it mrrryah i reached out my bottom line was no matter what i didnt drink

knowing where it leads that same old dead end road were better than that Mrryah

Well done on your upcoming 30 days you really can do this sobriety is always a option

your doing really well Mrrryah hugs

Soberpotamus

I had to power on through them. They cropped up; sometimes I had an outburst like you've described, other times I was able to manage better. What my husband and I noticed was that they happened more often than not when I wasn't eating, blood sugar levels must have been out of whack. I was drinking coffee and not eating enough. And earlier on, I was running a lot, so that was throwing me off balance as well. It seemed I had a hard time feeling or noticing my emotions, until boom... all of a sudden, I had an outburst or overreaction to something. It took me a while to even out. It wasn't nice or pretty, lol. But I'm so much better off now.

Just don't drink! Give yourself the chance to level off.

fini

But I'm terrified of getting to a place where mentally/emotionally/spiritually I feel like there is no other option.


Mrrryah,
just realized this is a different concern than the one about your immediate present emotional "rollercoaster".
yes.
i get that.
i've been sober eight years, and have not wanted to drink, and it's taken me a few years to see (a few months of depression brought it close) that indeed i could get to a place where drinking again could seem like the only option.
i needed to address it.
and it sounds like you sense/know you need to, too.
when i understood that i might end up in such a place, i started to understand why a spiritual approach to life/recovery might make sense.
that the idea of being "spiritually fit" made sense in helping with keeping me from going to a place where drinking would seem like the only option. other than suicide.



and there are many ways, written about by many people all over these forums, of addressing the question of how NOT to get to that place.

you can do this. you can find a way.

LeeJane

My emotions were all over the place too. I had to be patient and they gradually evened out. What helped me was good nutrition, gentle exercise and plenty of rest. Eating some protein really helped me stay more even too. I find protein kills alcohol cravings.

I also learnt to think before I either opened my mouth or wrote something. Is easier to stop and think, than take it back once you have done it!

All the best to you.

Fly N Buy

Quote -
I know ultimately I have the choice to pick up that first drink - or not - when it comes down to it. But I'm terrified of getting to a place where mentally/emotionally/spiritually I feel like there is no other option.


For many, this is exactly where we got to.....Referred to as the jumping off point.
I could not imagine life with or without alcohol. Mentally, emotionally and spiritually I was bankrupt - I just did not realize it~
It had already happened. My wet brain was in no place to ascertain anything complicated - the cognitive abilities, while I thought they were there - alas, were kapooot!

Today at almost 7 months I now recognize how CRAZY my brain had become. By grace, I was pushed to simply make the decision I can never drink again. Seems ridiculous now I even had this debate with my conscience.

.

Glad you're making another run. Getting to the jumping off point, the acceptance of we can NEVER drink again( BECAUSE we are alcoholics with alcoholism) brought me a lot of peace.

Kind Regards,
FlyN

Mrrryah1

I was right. I could see the relapse coming and I still didn't find a way to
Stop it.

Back on day one. Happy to be sober today.....

doggonecarl

Didn't find the way? Or just didn't stop it?

I feel for you. In thirty days you'll be putting yourself through an emotional ringer again. Unless you figure out what's causing you to stumble.

Turtle82

I drank precisely TOO dull all the emotions I had.... fear-based ANGER was a big one. Without alcohol my emotions started to wake up and just WOW!.. never knew some of them were even there let alone the intensity of them. And since alcohol quelled them, I hadn't learned how to control them. What did I do about it? Got a sponsor... stayed in close contact, got real with her about what I was feeling, stepped up the meetings.... Did my 4th Step and 5th Steps ASAP!!!! (Can't stress that one enough) That's exactly what they're there for. There's no gentler, easier, way.

AnvilheadII

bottom line, you GAVE yourself permission to drink. you looked for "reasons" - found them and USED them. and that's a choice you continue to make every 30 days or so. that has become your new pattern of USING.

and as doggonecarl said, if you don't do something different, then you can just circle the week of Feb 8th right now.

i know that sounds harsh and mean. but what you continue to do to yourself is the true villian. recovery isn't just about NOT using, or trying not to use. it's about no longer giving ourselves permission to cop out and play victim - but to grow up, face the music, learn new tools to deal with our feelings, and live life on life's terms. each and every stinking day. if you don't know how to do that, ask other recovering addicts, go to meetings and be in the atmosphere of those who are doing what you can't do on your own. get busy, get to work. no more excuses.

Mrrryah1

I know it guys but I honestly am not
Figuring it out here.

Something is wrong with my
Program and I need to find out what.

I am hallucinating.

AnvilheadII

operator error maybe? i can't pound a nail into a wall straight to save my soul....so i have a choice....blame the nail, accuse the hammer of being faulty, or accept i am not using the tools in the right fashion to achieve the right results.

Soberwolf

Hi Mrrryah its Acceptance of knowing what happens when we drink knowing there is no point going down a dead end road

Mrrryah to be sober is to be sober no one forced you to drink you made a choice

im not condemming you for that but maybe understand that drinking isnt the answer you dont like feeling like this i know you dont so i would definatly up my recovery plan consider rehab aswell

Ive seen you so happy and that isnt to upset you its to let you know its possible

Do not beat yourself up but learn from this write down what happened when you drunk ask yourself is this me

ask could i have done it sober (the answer is yes)

Mrrryah whatever happens do not give up to suceed in this your going to need support and you have that here

you can do this i would get to work on my recovery plan asap

hugs