Roxxxy

Wondering if getting closure with ex alcoholic bf is really the answer I'm looking for. It's been two years since our intense break-up, very intense, as in - threw his belongings out and locking him out of house. Their was no cheating involved. It was just his drinking that took a tole on me mentally, emotionally and physically. I know longer could deal with it and acted out on impulse. However, it was the best decision I could have done for myself.

We haven't spoken since then and Today my life is back to normal. I have accomplished so much since then. I feel good yet a bit empty. As in, feeling like I need to have closure with him. i know all this sounds silly. He probably doesn't even care lol. I'm fully aware of how alcoholics feel, they simply don't feel emotion. Although it's not about him it's about me. Not sure if this would resolve anything for me or just open door again. I'd appreciate any advice - thanks

Cleo1234

If it were me, i would leave it alone! You have moved on, and so has he. I know you said you want the closure more for you than him, but i just don't think he needs to be a part of it.

cynical one

I'd keep that door closed and in the past. Closure is overrated. And you don't need the other person to give yourself closure.

LeeJane

I would also leave him well alone. Do the work you need for yourself but don't re-open a can of worms.

Hawks

Alcoholics have incredibly intense but immature emotions.

That's why we drink. Detach from reality, from a world we are uncomfortable in.

But aside from that, just get on with your life.

Saved yourself a lot of problems and issues.

FeelingGreat

After a bad breakup my counsellor told me that feeling like there should be closure is very common, but not necessarily correct.
Does it come from a lifetime of watching television shows where there is usually some resolution at the end?

Hammer

Sounds pretty closed to me. Just saying.

Next!

marie1960

It's been two years, that sounds like a done deal to me.

Sure its closure you are looking for?

lillamy

Closure with addicts is something you will have to provide for yourself.

Walk your way through what you would want to do, and what the likely outcome will be. Would you like him to say "Oh, it's OK that you threw me out like that, I've forgiven you. I understand why you did it, I was impossible to live with"? And what to you, realistically, think are the chances of that happening?

I know there are As who hit bottom with a breakup. Mine didn't. In fact, his anger at me has gotten worse every year since I left. While initially, he could see that maybe he had behaved in ways that weren't ideal, now, years later, I'm basically Satan in his eyes and he's a complete and utter victim. Any attempt from me to get "closure" by contacting him would only result in more abuse.

hopeful4

Do you think that because you have your say you will get closure?? Don't bet on it. He is not going to do what you want, which is apologize for his wrongs. If you need that closure, write a letter, and burn it. It's been two years, don't open the door now.

lillamy

One thing I did was write a long letter to AXH. A long, painful letter where I spelled out all the abuse, all the horror, all the offenses against me and the children. It was very hard to write -- but it was a way for me to let go of it. Write it, and not send it.

I know that's like "taking someone else's inventory" -- but I had to get it out of my head, and getting it on paper helped me.

Hope7726

There are ways to find closure without seeking an apology from the person who caused you pain. People are forced to find their own closure when someone who has hurt them died. It is possible.

Whatever you do, please do not contact him. Nothing good will come of it. Maybe it's yourself you haven't forgiven. Do you attend any type of therapy? I find it helpful.

Roxxxy

Thanks you all for advice. I guess deep down inside I already knew what the answer was in which you all confirmed. I will definitely leave the past, in the past. It's no longer about him. It's about me, continuing to live a happy & healthy life.

Happy New Year to all!

NYCDoglvr

Excellent advice above to sit down with a pad and pen, write a long letter. Your real feelings. Just don't send it. You'll feel much better than if you actually contacted him (a bad idea).