Struggle of the day
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 3
Struggle of the day
I had a sad moment today I wanted to share...
I have been separated from my AH for about 4 months and he moved out of town to pursue a better job opportunity....and I let him. My husband has been drinking regularly for about 7 years and has left me once before about 3 years ago with very similar reasoning but this time it was way worse and escalating. I didn't ever notice his drinking increasing but his behavior was getting more erratic and I was always to blame. He got more controlling, manipulative , and emotionally abusive. I was to the point of moving but he left before I had to....and that was a blessing!
Well the last 4 months since he's been gone his behavior got worse and he's used so many ways to get back at me. He has became more selfish and is very very good at being a Disneyland dad which my kids love. So I'm left while he enjoys his life and spoils my kids rotten.
Today I picked up my kids (we meet half way) my oldest daughter keeps talking about an iPhone 6 her dad is gonna give her. My second daughter was suppose to do her science project that she forgot about and is due tomorrow this weekend. Her dad bought the supplies and she did it herself coming back with nothing so I got to help get the project done while ago took her frustration out on me. My youngest two are fighting and I just lost it.....I started crying. I am not a emotional person usually but I was sobbing. I told my kids how over the weekend I spent hours decorating their room (it was part of their Christmas present) doing their laundry (my dryers out so I was line drying clothes all weekend) helping to due a last minute science project and all everyone is doing is complaining and not appreciating anything that's been done for them.
I felt so sad because I spend so much time putting my family together and doing for them to the point that it's expected while my husband just gets to buy them and have a great time taking them on trips. I am stuck cooking cleaning and making sure home works done.
After my pity party, I realize no matter how hard this road is I am glad I'm on it. It has been an amazing journey one filled with tears and struggle and I will persevere. I just want to give you all out there struggling with being a parent and holding all the responsibilities a hug! Our hard work may be overlooked at times but it is what really matters.
2 Corinthians 4:8-9New International Version (NIV)
8 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
I have been separated from my AH for about 4 months and he moved out of town to pursue a better job opportunity....and I let him. My husband has been drinking regularly for about 7 years and has left me once before about 3 years ago with very similar reasoning but this time it was way worse and escalating. I didn't ever notice his drinking increasing but his behavior was getting more erratic and I was always to blame. He got more controlling, manipulative , and emotionally abusive. I was to the point of moving but he left before I had to....and that was a blessing!
Well the last 4 months since he's been gone his behavior got worse and he's used so many ways to get back at me. He has became more selfish and is very very good at being a Disneyland dad which my kids love. So I'm left while he enjoys his life and spoils my kids rotten.
Today I picked up my kids (we meet half way) my oldest daughter keeps talking about an iPhone 6 her dad is gonna give her. My second daughter was suppose to do her science project that she forgot about and is due tomorrow this weekend. Her dad bought the supplies and she did it herself coming back with nothing so I got to help get the project done while ago took her frustration out on me. My youngest two are fighting and I just lost it.....I started crying. I am not a emotional person usually but I was sobbing. I told my kids how over the weekend I spent hours decorating their room (it was part of their Christmas present) doing their laundry (my dryers out so I was line drying clothes all weekend) helping to due a last minute science project and all everyone is doing is complaining and not appreciating anything that's been done for them.
I felt so sad because I spend so much time putting my family together and doing for them to the point that it's expected while my husband just gets to buy them and have a great time taking them on trips. I am stuck cooking cleaning and making sure home works done.
After my pity party, I realize no matter how hard this road is I am glad I'm on it. It has been an amazing journey one filled with tears and struggle and I will persevere. I just want to give you all out there struggling with being a parent and holding all the responsibilities a hug! Our hard work may be overlooked at times but it is what really matters.
2 Corinthians 4:8-9New International Version (NIV)
8 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: South Central USA
Posts: 1,478
Hugs to you...I' sorry. I know its tough. My alcoholic husband is the Disneyland dad too. It is so frustrating. I've been told and I choose to believe it to be true that one day our children will know who did what for them and was truly there when they needed something more than stuff. Hang in there!
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
Loved4, what you are doing is amazing and admirable. I know having any kids is not easy but to raise four without the support from your husband makes you a saint in my book and all that care and love and attention that you are giving them is not being lost. It is going in and it will stand them in good stead for the rest of their lives. They are not stupid, they know who is loving them and they won't forget. There are others here who can advise you better on how to rein in your XAH's behaviour....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 3
Thank you guys for the support....I have to just keep moving forward doing what needs to be done for my kids. I really need to just let go of what he does with them. Sometimes I feel like pulling the rug out from under him or tripping him metaphorically speaking (the I'm gonna show him attitude) and thank God I have refrained myself . It's hard to watch my kids being misled. A couple weeks ago my oldest daughter told me her dad was spending time with them because he has money now....I did tell her I don't think that's a reason to spend time with others he could always take you guys to the park. I've had a heck of a time he even got them acrylic nails they are 10 and 13 and when he was in our home he'd get mad at me for letting them play with make-up....
We are on two totally different parenting styles right now and I'm just gonna keep doing what I've always done but my kids kinda like the acrylic nails ice skating bowling shopping never sit down lifestyle. I'm a little more simple.....I don't do all those things on a every other weekend basis.
We are on two totally different parenting styles right now and I'm just gonna keep doing what I've always done but my kids kinda like the acrylic nails ice skating bowling shopping never sit down lifestyle. I'm a little more simple.....I don't do all those things on a every other weekend basis.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: West Coast
Posts: 774
My ex was like that until he got into another relationship. While he has finally gotten off drugs, he is still mean and emotionally and mentally abusive. Tigers don't change their stripes. And now, the kids see it...
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