walkinganewpath

AH is in FL dealing with his dad's heart issues and most likely surgery. He was off the wall drunk bawling, etc when I sent him down there two days ago.

I was honestly relieved to have him gone as I really needed a break from him. Each night he has been gone he has been questioning if I'm drinking, losing my patience with the kids, etc. Yes I have had some wine the past two nights...honestly maybe a little more than I would have if he was here but I've been beside myself with him and his dad and holidays. Not a good move but not anything I'm worried about continuing with and actually none tonight...time to get back into school week etc. It was stupid to let off steam like that but I did. Is what it is.

I booked his flight, drove him to the airport, got both kids to basketball games this weekend, cleaned house, jump started a car, snow blowed the driveway, sanded the driveway to get out, grocery shopped and am finishing homework and prep for school week. I am beyond pissed at him questioning me on my activities when he usually isn't even involved when he is here.

So....I vented it all out in a text. I said I was angry at him questioning my activities at a time of night when he is usually drunk and passed out. Said that I have done nothing but step to the plate for months now. Told him his task right now is to take care of his dad and himself. Right now I am captain of this ship at home and whether or not he is here there is no way I am letting it go down.

Yes he has a lot going on and seems to be trying ( for 2 days) but really who the F does he think he is???? Was I off base? Actually I think I've wanted to say these things for a long time but have finally had the distance from him to do so. I shut off my cell and unplugged the house phone.

Should I turn them back on or let it go for the night? I don't want to make more trouble but I am so pissed that he is questioning me for stupid **** about having a glass or two of wine (I actually went to my girlfriends next door tonight) when I am totally keeping it all together and always do.

If he chooses sobriety then I am so fine with keeping an alcohol free house and abstaining socially when with him. In the meantime I do drink occasionally I always censor it because I never know where he is going to end up and I can't let my kids be even remotely scared thinking mom is headed where dad already is.

I am so angry and don't want to talk to him. Am I being a chicken for turning off the phone or is it best to just let him stew with what I said? I don't know what to do with this. For 25+ years I have always been the peacekeeper and the one to bow down. I just don't want to right now

Seren

My vote, for what it's worth, please give yourself this night of peace

Seren

My vote, for what it's worth, please give yourself this night of peace

lillamy

I think putting your foot down the way you did is perfectly acceptable, and sane (but that's coming from me, I don't know how sane I am myself).

You're right that he's gone and can't even help change a roll of TP right now, so he should focus on his father and trust that you can handle things at home. That said, I would personally not drink when I'm the only adult in the house -- in many states, if you're above the legal drinking limit, you're also above the limit at which you're considered responsible to care for kids. So you do run the risk, if he can't get a hold of you and sends the cops to your house, that they may not find you a responsible adult, even if you are.

CodeJob

You sound busy. You sound worried. Understandbly so.

One of the things I've learned in the past year (though I am not perfect at it) is dropping the whole struggle for perfection and the frantic pace to get everything done.

You don't have to save the day. Do what you can reasonably do, then take a bath and chillax with some silly movie. If you need to keep the phone off, then do so. It is your decision.

walkinganewpath

Ok so I felt like crap and turned my phone back on. I was going to say something apologetic for not dealing with my issues in person, etc. But when I turned it on there was a text from him saying "Ok. Goodnight". I opted to not reply at that point. Figured he got what I was saying and it was best to let it rest for tonite.

Honestly I know he realizes that I don't say boo even if a ghost scares me and he has always wanted me to do so. So why DO I FEEL LIKE CRAP for voicing my feelings???? His reply even sounded accepting...as much as a text can be read into.

I turned the house phone back on, I know he won't call me but just in case there are other family issues (my parents, a change in his dad's status, etc) I feel better having them on.

Kids are in bed. I'm going to watch the early news and head in myself. I promised myself I would try to do a better job of taking care of me this week. My body and soul so need it.

maia1234

W- Sending strength your way. Get a good night sleep and see what tomorrow brings.
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