Sad news
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 14
Sad news
I found out today that my son got kicked out of Rehab last Friday. He checked in on December 11th, so was coming up on 30 days.
I texted his dad (we are divorced) to make sure he was still planning on visiting AS today--that was the plan since we were going to be out of town today. He responds with, "have you not heard from him?" I say, "No, what's up?"
To which he responds that AS called him yesterday telling him he had been kicked out for-------walking across the street during an NA meeting to get a soft drink.
Um, yea right. This particular rehab is strict but not that strict. I could see them drug testing him afterward but not kicking him out. So, I know there is more to the story.
Anyway, since I found out today, my heart has been sick! I have no idea where he is--and the temperature is a warm 25 degrees here. I'm so discouraged.
He seemed to be doing well so I don't know what happened. The rehab facility doesn't answer their phone on weekends (only voicemail) so I won't be able to find out anything until tomorrow.
I'm working on trying to detach emotionally but it is so hard
I texted his dad (we are divorced) to make sure he was still planning on visiting AS today--that was the plan since we were going to be out of town today. He responds with, "have you not heard from him?" I say, "No, what's up?"
To which he responds that AS called him yesterday telling him he had been kicked out for-------walking across the street during an NA meeting to get a soft drink.
Um, yea right. This particular rehab is strict but not that strict. I could see them drug testing him afterward but not kicking him out. So, I know there is more to the story.
Anyway, since I found out today, my heart has been sick! I have no idea where he is--and the temperature is a warm 25 degrees here. I'm so discouraged.
He seemed to be doing well so I don't know what happened. The rehab facility doesn't answer their phone on weekends (only voicemail) so I won't be able to find out anything until tomorrow.
I'm working on trying to detach emotionally but it is so hard
I am sorry Flower
I would imagine that he had some sort of plan before he just walked out. I am just sorry that you are sad and worrying again.
Guess he isn't desperate enough to stick with it. At least he knows what it feels like to be clean for a while, and that will remain in the back of his mind, if he uses again, and may call to him someday... I sure hope so.
In the mean time, you need to be able to live without worry, sorrow and fear. Are you in any meetings, such as al-anon, or nar-anon?
I hope there is a happy ending to this situation, very soon. Remember, you cannot make him want to quit. It is so easy to get caught up in trying to fix things for them. I wish we could.
prayers for peace and good things for all of you.
chicory
I would imagine that he had some sort of plan before he just walked out. I am just sorry that you are sad and worrying again.
Guess he isn't desperate enough to stick with it. At least he knows what it feels like to be clean for a while, and that will remain in the back of his mind, if he uses again, and may call to him someday... I sure hope so.
In the mean time, you need to be able to live without worry, sorrow and fear. Are you in any meetings, such as al-anon, or nar-anon?
I hope there is a happy ending to this situation, very soon. Remember, you cannot make him want to quit. It is so easy to get caught up in trying to fix things for them. I wish we could.
prayers for peace and good things for all of you.
chicory
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 14
Thank you, Chicory. I appreciate your response. Your comment about his memory of being clean possibly calling to him if he uses again gives me some hope. Thank you for that
Bless you, friend.
Bless you, friend.
Flower, while he was there, he picked up some tools that may be useful to him even now. Words someone said, special thoughts to remove cravings, a list of meetings...he has not come away empty handed. How he chooses to use those tools remains to be seen, but having tasted sobriety I think he may want to try again some time soon.
That said, if you paid for this rehab, maybe next time he could try The Salvation Army program, it's free and a very good program. Any program is about as good as the resident's willingness to work it.
My heart and prayers go out for you and for him. I know the sinking disappointment you must be feeling.
Hugs from my heart to yours.
That said, if you paid for this rehab, maybe next time he could try The Salvation Army program, it's free and a very good program. Any program is about as good as the resident's willingness to work it.
My heart and prayers go out for you and for him. I know the sinking disappointment you must be feeling.
Hugs from my heart to yours.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
I found out today that my son got kicked out of Rehab last Friday. He checked in on December 11th, so was coming up on 30 days.
I texted his dad (we are divorced) to make sure he was still planning on visiting AS today--that was the plan since we were going to be out of town today. He responds with, "have you not heard from him?" I say, "No, what's up?"
To which he responds that AS called him yesterday telling him he had been kicked out for-------walking across the street during an NA meeting to get a soft drink.
Um, yea right. This particular rehab is strict but not that strict. I could see them drug testing him afterward but not kicking him out. So, I know there is more to the story.
Anyway, since I found out today, my heart has been sick! I have no idea where he is--and the temperature is a warm 25 degrees here. I'm so discouraged.
He seemed to be doing well so I don't know what happened. The rehab facility doesn't answer their phone on weekends (only voicemail) so I won't be able to find out anything until tomorrow.
I'm working on trying to detach emotionally but it is so hard
I texted his dad (we are divorced) to make sure he was still planning on visiting AS today--that was the plan since we were going to be out of town today. He responds with, "have you not heard from him?" I say, "No, what's up?"
To which he responds that AS called him yesterday telling him he had been kicked out for-------walking across the street during an NA meeting to get a soft drink.
Um, yea right. This particular rehab is strict but not that strict. I could see them drug testing him afterward but not kicking him out. So, I know there is more to the story.
Anyway, since I found out today, my heart has been sick! I have no idea where he is--and the temperature is a warm 25 degrees here. I'm so discouraged.
He seemed to be doing well so I don't know what happened. The rehab facility doesn't answer their phone on weekends (only voicemail) so I won't be able to find out anything until tomorrow.
I'm working on trying to detach emotionally but it is so hard
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Anyway, since I found out today, my heart has been sick! I have no idea where he is--and the temperature is a warm 25 degrees here. I'm so discouraged.
He seemed to be doing well so I don't know what happened. The rehab facility doesn't answer their phone on weekends (only voicemail) so I won't be able to find out anything until tomorrow.
He seemed to be doing well so I don't know what happened. The rehab facility doesn't answer their phone on weekends (only voicemail) so I won't be able to find out anything until tomorrow.
Ann also made a good suggestion regarding his next rehab, should it come. You shouldn't have to flip the bill for it.
You'll be in my thoughts and prayers this evening.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 14
I talked to the director at the rehab facility today. AS wasn't kicked out for going across the street for a soft drink--it was actually beer. Oh yea, and sharing one of the newcomer's smuggled in xanax. So much for being kicked out for 'nothing'.
One thing that helped me (a little) was hearing that once they told him he had to leave, he apologized to the staff and thanked them for everything they had done for him. I was glad to hear something positive about him. You want to be proud of your kids but sadly, once addiction takes over, it can be hard to find the positive sometimes.
I talked to him for over an hour this morning. I managed to stay calm and collected even though every cell in my body was screaming and wanting to shake him and beg him to stop the insanity of this freaking addiction...I know that's not the answer... I have always been an "emotional reactor" and I swim around in the emotional end of the pool a lot--- This ordeal has changed me though, at least in the way I interact with him. I think before speaking/acting now and I try to measure my words. I also don't cry around him anymore.
He told me he regretted what happened (the beer/xanax), that it was stupid and he wished he could take it back..He was making progress and actually liked it there.
I suggested that he could go back (?)---He stated that they told him once you are asked to leave, you can't return for 30 days. They told me the same thing this morning on the phone.
He doesn't know what he's going to do right now. He's staying with a couple of guys in an apartment across town--according to him, it's a complete dump and they are shady characters (??) I figured he would ask to come home, but he didn't.
I admit I fought off several urges to rescue him and offer to let him come home for a few days--thank God, I fought it off. I did, however, end up taking him a pack of cigarettes. I know I probably shouldn't have, but I AM proud of the progress I've made. 2-3 months ago, I'd have been in the car going to get him. I am working hard to deal with this little co-dependency issue I have.
Goodnight friends; here's to a better day tomorrow.
One thing that helped me (a little) was hearing that once they told him he had to leave, he apologized to the staff and thanked them for everything they had done for him. I was glad to hear something positive about him. You want to be proud of your kids but sadly, once addiction takes over, it can be hard to find the positive sometimes.
I talked to him for over an hour this morning. I managed to stay calm and collected even though every cell in my body was screaming and wanting to shake him and beg him to stop the insanity of this freaking addiction...I know that's not the answer... I have always been an "emotional reactor" and I swim around in the emotional end of the pool a lot--- This ordeal has changed me though, at least in the way I interact with him. I think before speaking/acting now and I try to measure my words. I also don't cry around him anymore.
He told me he regretted what happened (the beer/xanax), that it was stupid and he wished he could take it back..He was making progress and actually liked it there.
I suggested that he could go back (?)---He stated that they told him once you are asked to leave, you can't return for 30 days. They told me the same thing this morning on the phone.
He doesn't know what he's going to do right now. He's staying with a couple of guys in an apartment across town--according to him, it's a complete dump and they are shady characters (??) I figured he would ask to come home, but he didn't.
I admit I fought off several urges to rescue him and offer to let him come home for a few days--thank God, I fought it off. I did, however, end up taking him a pack of cigarettes. I know I probably shouldn't have, but I AM proud of the progress I've made. 2-3 months ago, I'd have been in the car going to get him. I am working hard to deal with this little co-dependency issue I have.
Goodnight friends; here's to a better day tomorrow.
"Anyway, since I found out today, my heart has been sick! I have no idea where he is--and the temperature is a warm 25 degrees here. I'm so discouraged.
He seemed to be doing well so I don't know what happened. The rehab facility doesn't answer their phone on weekends (only voicemail) so I won't be able to find out anything until tomorrow.
I'm working on trying to detach emotionally but it is so hard
I'm sorry you are going through this. I won't tell you not to worry cuz that's what mom's do..however, I hope I Can help by saying that I have been there with the worrying because my son was out on the streets for awhile (his choice)..However all that worrying never did me any good
. I came to find out that addicts are pretty darn resourceful when they have to be. My son to this day always finds ppl ( shady) to stay with.
You said, "I admit I fought off several urges to rescue him and offer to let him come home for a few days--thank God, I fought it off. I did, however, end up taking him a pack of cigarettes. I know I probably shouldn't have, but I AM proud of the progress I've made. 2-3 months ago, I'd have been in the car going to get him. I am working hard to deal with this little co-dependency issue I have. "
Hey you did good Hugs for you
I'm praying for guidance for you and for your son.
Iamunique
He seemed to be doing well so I don't know what happened. The rehab facility doesn't answer their phone on weekends (only voicemail) so I won't be able to find out anything until tomorrow.
I'm working on trying to detach emotionally but it is so hard
I'm sorry you are going through this. I won't tell you not to worry cuz that's what mom's do..however, I hope I Can help by saying that I have been there with the worrying because my son was out on the streets for awhile (his choice)..However all that worrying never did me any good
. I came to find out that addicts are pretty darn resourceful when they have to be. My son to this day always finds ppl ( shady) to stay with.
You said, "I admit I fought off several urges to rescue him and offer to let him come home for a few days--thank God, I fought it off. I did, however, end up taking him a pack of cigarettes. I know I probably shouldn't have, but I AM proud of the progress I've made. 2-3 months ago, I'd have been in the car going to get him. I am working hard to deal with this little co-dependency issue I have. "
Hey you did good Hugs for you
I'm praying for guidance for you and for your son.
Iamunique
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
AS wasn't kicked out for going across the street for a soft drink--it was actually beer. Oh yea, and sharing one of the newcomer's smuggled in xanax. So much for being kicked out for 'nothing'.
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