Sad news

Old 01-04-2015, 02:32 PM
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Sad news

I found out today that my son got kicked out of Rehab last Friday. He checked in on December 11th, so was coming up on 30 days.
I texted his dad (we are divorced) to make sure he was still planning on visiting AS today--that was the plan since we were going to be out of town today. He responds with, "have you not heard from him?" I say, "No, what's up?"
To which he responds that AS called him yesterday telling him he had been kicked out for-------walking across the street during an NA meeting to get a soft drink.
Um, yea right. This particular rehab is strict but not that strict. I could see them drug testing him afterward but not kicking him out. So, I know there is more to the story.
Anyway, since I found out today, my heart has been sick! I have no idea where he is--and the temperature is a warm 25 degrees here. I'm so discouraged.
He seemed to be doing well so I don't know what happened. The rehab facility doesn't answer their phone on weekends (only voicemail) so I won't be able to find out anything until tomorrow.
I'm working on trying to detach emotionally but it is so hard
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Old 01-04-2015, 02:48 PM
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I am sorry Flower

I would imagine that he had some sort of plan before he just walked out. I am just sorry that you are sad and worrying again.

Guess he isn't desperate enough to stick with it. At least he knows what it feels like to be clean for a while, and that will remain in the back of his mind, if he uses again, and may call to him someday... I sure hope so.

In the mean time, you need to be able to live without worry, sorrow and fear. Are you in any meetings, such as al-anon, or nar-anon?

I hope there is a happy ending to this situation, very soon. Remember, you cannot make him want to quit. It is so easy to get caught up in trying to fix things for them. I wish we could.

prayers for peace and good things for all of you.
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Old 01-04-2015, 03:05 PM
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Thank you, Chicory. I appreciate your response. Your comment about his memory of being clean possibly calling to him if he uses again gives me some hope. Thank you for that
Bless you, friend.
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Old 01-04-2015, 05:22 PM
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Flower, while he was there, he picked up some tools that may be useful to him even now. Words someone said, special thoughts to remove cravings, a list of meetings...he has not come away empty handed. How he chooses to use those tools remains to be seen, but having tasted sobriety I think he may want to try again some time soon.

That said, if you paid for this rehab, maybe next time he could try The Salvation Army program, it's free and a very good program. Any program is about as good as the resident's willingness to work it.

My heart and prayers go out for you and for him. I know the sinking disappointment you must be feeling.

Hugs from my heart to yours.
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Old 01-04-2015, 06:05 PM
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Originally Posted by Flower38 View Post
I found out today that my son got kicked out of Rehab last Friday. He checked in on December 11th, so was coming up on 30 days.
I texted his dad (we are divorced) to make sure he was still planning on visiting AS today--that was the plan since we were going to be out of town today. He responds with, "have you not heard from him?" I say, "No, what's up?"
To which he responds that AS called him yesterday telling him he had been kicked out for-------walking across the street during an NA meeting to get a soft drink.
Um, yea right. This particular rehab is strict but not that strict. I could see them drug testing him afterward but not kicking him out. So, I know there is more to the story.
Anyway, since I found out today, my heart has been sick! I have no idea where he is--and the temperature is a warm 25 degrees here. I'm so discouraged.
He seemed to be doing well so I don't know what happened. The rehab facility doesn't answer their phone on weekends (only voicemail) so I won't be able to find out anything until tomorrow.
I'm working on trying to detach emotionally but it is so hard
Im sorry Flower! My husband went to rehab and came home to visit about 30 days and he relapsed at home, they detected it when he went back but they didnt ask him to leave. Instead they asked if he wanted to stay. I know you must be terribly upset, because I was too when I found out from the rehab (didnt know when he was home). He had told them he wanted to stay but I reacted so badly he got so upset and wanted to leave! They calmed him down and he stayed. What I was told is this is common, addiction is complex and affects the brain and body, its not so much about pure desire to quit. If your son was close to his time being up there, he may have even been filled with emotions, fear, and all this leads to triggers and can lead to using. It takes a lot of time to develop strategies against using. My husband continued with his rehab, it wasnt an aa/na kind but that little slip meant nothing in the long run. He needed more treatment and time was all it meant for my husband. It was over a year ago now. I hope it works out for him, and u find out more tomorrow.
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Old 01-04-2015, 06:25 PM
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Anyway, since I found out today, my heart has been sick! I have no idea where he is--and the temperature is a warm 25 degrees here. I'm so discouraged.
He seemed to be doing well so I don't know what happened. The rehab facility doesn't answer their phone on weekends (only voicemail) so I won't be able to find out anything until tomorrow.
I'm really sorry this has happened. But as Ann alluded to above me, there are likely words he heard while he was in that he's going to carry with him.

Ann also made a good suggestion regarding his next rehab, should it come. You shouldn't have to flip the bill for it.

You'll be in my thoughts and prayers this evening.
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Old 01-05-2015, 05:59 AM
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Thank you all for your responses. Your encouragement and reminders are like salve for my battered heart.
Hugs, Flower
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Old 01-05-2015, 06:22 PM
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I talked to the director at the rehab facility today. AS wasn't kicked out for going across the street for a soft drink--it was actually beer. Oh yea, and sharing one of the newcomer's smuggled in xanax. So much for being kicked out for 'nothing'.
One thing that helped me (a little) was hearing that once they told him he had to leave, he apologized to the staff and thanked them for everything they had done for him. I was glad to hear something positive about him. You want to be proud of your kids but sadly, once addiction takes over, it can be hard to find the positive sometimes.
I talked to him for over an hour this morning. I managed to stay calm and collected even though every cell in my body was screaming and wanting to shake him and beg him to stop the insanity of this freaking addiction...I know that's not the answer... I have always been an "emotional reactor" and I swim around in the emotional end of the pool a lot--- This ordeal has changed me though, at least in the way I interact with him. I think before speaking/acting now and I try to measure my words. I also don't cry around him anymore.
He told me he regretted what happened (the beer/xanax), that it was stupid and he wished he could take it back..He was making progress and actually liked it there.
I suggested that he could go back (?)---He stated that they told him once you are asked to leave, you can't return for 30 days. They told me the same thing this morning on the phone.
He doesn't know what he's going to do right now. He's staying with a couple of guys in an apartment across town--according to him, it's a complete dump and they are shady characters (??) I figured he would ask to come home, but he didn't.
I admit I fought off several urges to rescue him and offer to let him come home for a few days--thank God, I fought it off. I did, however, end up taking him a pack of cigarettes. I know I probably shouldn't have, but I AM proud of the progress I've made. 2-3 months ago, I'd have been in the car going to get him. I am working hard to deal with this little co-dependency issue I have.
Goodnight friends; here's to a better day tomorrow.
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Old 01-05-2015, 08:37 PM
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"Anyway, since I found out today, my heart has been sick! I have no idea where he is--and the temperature is a warm 25 degrees here. I'm so discouraged.
He seemed to be doing well so I don't know what happened. The rehab facility doesn't answer their phone on weekends (only voicemail) so I won't be able to find out anything until tomorrow.
I'm working on trying to detach emotionally but it is so hard

I'm sorry you are going through this. I won't tell you not to worry cuz that's what mom's do..however, I hope I Can help by saying that I have been there with the worrying because my son was out on the streets for awhile (his choice)..However all that worrying never did me any good
. I came to find out that addicts are pretty darn resourceful when they have to be. My son to this day always finds ppl ( shady) to stay with.
You said, "I admit I fought off several urges to rescue him and offer to let him come home for a few days--thank God, I fought it off. I did, however, end up taking him a pack of cigarettes. I know I probably shouldn't have, but I AM proud of the progress I've made. 2-3 months ago, I'd have been in the car going to get him. I am working hard to deal with this little co-dependency issue I have. "
Hey you did good Hugs for you
I'm praying for guidance for you and for your son.
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Old 01-05-2015, 09:04 PM
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Good job, Flower! You did great. It is a battle for us every day, too. We are proud of you. Prayers for you both, his safety and your serenity. Take care!
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Old 01-06-2015, 11:04 AM
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Good job Flower!
Hugs from another Momma!!!
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Old 01-06-2015, 11:19 AM
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AS wasn't kicked out for going across the street for a soft drink--it was actually beer. Oh yea, and sharing one of the newcomer's smuggled in xanax. So much for being kicked out for 'nothing'.
Every decision, every action, has intended and unintended consequences. Your son just experienced that. Thankfully, he's the only one paying the price for his choices.
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