Coping
waking down
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
Coping
I am now 375 days sober, and these holidays while I was approaching one year I did a lot of reflection. There are many aspects to recovery, and as many paths as there are addicts, but one thing I've seen repeatedly on this forum, in books, and in my own experience that seems central to preventing relapse and moving on with a sense of enjoyment is the ability to cope. Coping skills were the key for me my first year sober.
The reason this is so important is because alcohol and other substances are often used to cope with life's challenges. "I need a drink" too often means "I'm stressed" or "I've had a bad day." Alcohol and pills became my go to "solutions" when I was frustrated, angry, depressed, stressed, sad, anxious...you name it. The problem is they only mask the challenging emotions and when the drugs (and I include alcohol) wear off, those emotions seems to have gained in strength.
So what happened while I went through withdrawal and tried to embrace sobriety and recovery long term? I was overwhelmed with the very emotions I had been trying to numb all these years. Especially anxiety at first, and then as the months passed I was dealing with grief, sadness, frustration, disappointment, self-loathing... All of these emotions threaten sobriety. All of these emotions tempt relapse. And some of us are in physical pain on top of it all...
So what do we do? Some pray. They ask God to take away their suffering. For many the act of prayer helps. Some go to AA or other support groups where they learn they are not alone and gain insight about their suffering. Many of us replace the addiction with less damaging addictions like exercise or work or creative processes, which is healthy as long as we are aware when we are engaging in these activities as a form of escape. Some binge on sugar or television or internet or you name it, and like alcohol, it's not a problem until it's a problem.
For me "suffering" is the key word. All this binging on substances, food, compulsive behaviors; it's all about trying to cope with or reduce our suffering whether it is physical and/or emotional. For example, I took painkillers for my body and alcohol for my mind and painkillers for my mind and alcohol for my body...
The word, "suffering," reminded me of a long dormant interest in buddhism. After all, the buddha's message is about freedom from suffering. Western psychologists have borrowed extensively from buddhism and have adapted it and called it mindfulness. I read several books about mindful recovery, started meditating and practicing mindfulness, and have more recently begun taking better care of my body by doing yoga and going to the doctors I've so long avoided.
I've learned there is no magic pill. I have to work at reducing my suffering or I'll relapse. I've found over this past year that when I stop meditating for even just a few days I experience increased emotional imbalance. I ruminate, become self-absorbed, selfish, fall prey to victim mentality, and become far more anxious.
It's work this recovery thing. Mindfulness takes work. Meditation isn't easy. When I do yoga I feel like a stale pretzel ready to snap. But it's worth it. I'm worth it. I didn't think I was worth it when I was drinking, and it took a long time for me to get past that self-hatred and feeling of just being a loser who threw his life away. That's BS, though. You're worth it even if you don't think so right now. Fake it 'til you make it.
Start with forgiveness. Easier said than done, but forgive yourself first. We are all human. We were all born from wombs and came kicking and screaming into the world, helpless to our environments, and I know I was damaged by mine. But I can heal. We can heal. You can heal.
As corny as this may sound to some people, and I would have never said this a year ago just ten days into sobriety, but what I lacked most was an active sense of spirituality. I had given up on it because I'm not a believer. Buddhist spiritualism is different, though, because it doesn't include god. It's a philosophy and a practice, and it's not incompatible with Christianity and other religions. Wasn't Christ's message about forgiveness and about reducing suffering? I think Christians can pray and meditate and practice mindfulness all together without threatening their faith.
But I digress. Healthy coping skills are the key to recovery as far as I'm concerned. Start creating a toolbox with whatever helps whether it's prayer or meditation, counseling or AA, healthy distractions or hobbies. Here's what's in my toolbox:
1) Gratitude for the little things that really matter: Shelter, food, love...
2) Forgiveness (self and others) - we're all human
3) Mindfulness and meditation and yoga
4) Healthy eating and drinking (because I'm worth it)
5) SR - yes, reaching out to others
6) Family - my wife and my dogs (especially my dogs cuz they never judge)
7) Nature - walking
8) Music - playing and listening
9) Writing and reading - to learn and sometimes for escape
10) And yes, sometimes I even take valerian or melatonin to sleep if all the above won't sufficiently turn off the monkey mind and I have to get up early for work in the morning dangit!
What's in your toolbox?
The reason this is so important is because alcohol and other substances are often used to cope with life's challenges. "I need a drink" too often means "I'm stressed" or "I've had a bad day." Alcohol and pills became my go to "solutions" when I was frustrated, angry, depressed, stressed, sad, anxious...you name it. The problem is they only mask the challenging emotions and when the drugs (and I include alcohol) wear off, those emotions seems to have gained in strength.
So what happened while I went through withdrawal and tried to embrace sobriety and recovery long term? I was overwhelmed with the very emotions I had been trying to numb all these years. Especially anxiety at first, and then as the months passed I was dealing with grief, sadness, frustration, disappointment, self-loathing... All of these emotions threaten sobriety. All of these emotions tempt relapse. And some of us are in physical pain on top of it all...
So what do we do? Some pray. They ask God to take away their suffering. For many the act of prayer helps. Some go to AA or other support groups where they learn they are not alone and gain insight about their suffering. Many of us replace the addiction with less damaging addictions like exercise or work or creative processes, which is healthy as long as we are aware when we are engaging in these activities as a form of escape. Some binge on sugar or television or internet or you name it, and like alcohol, it's not a problem until it's a problem.
For me "suffering" is the key word. All this binging on substances, food, compulsive behaviors; it's all about trying to cope with or reduce our suffering whether it is physical and/or emotional. For example, I took painkillers for my body and alcohol for my mind and painkillers for my mind and alcohol for my body...
The word, "suffering," reminded me of a long dormant interest in buddhism. After all, the buddha's message is about freedom from suffering. Western psychologists have borrowed extensively from buddhism and have adapted it and called it mindfulness. I read several books about mindful recovery, started meditating and practicing mindfulness, and have more recently begun taking better care of my body by doing yoga and going to the doctors I've so long avoided.
I've learned there is no magic pill. I have to work at reducing my suffering or I'll relapse. I've found over this past year that when I stop meditating for even just a few days I experience increased emotional imbalance. I ruminate, become self-absorbed, selfish, fall prey to victim mentality, and become far more anxious.
It's work this recovery thing. Mindfulness takes work. Meditation isn't easy. When I do yoga I feel like a stale pretzel ready to snap. But it's worth it. I'm worth it. I didn't think I was worth it when I was drinking, and it took a long time for me to get past that self-hatred and feeling of just being a loser who threw his life away. That's BS, though. You're worth it even if you don't think so right now. Fake it 'til you make it.
Start with forgiveness. Easier said than done, but forgive yourself first. We are all human. We were all born from wombs and came kicking and screaming into the world, helpless to our environments, and I know I was damaged by mine. But I can heal. We can heal. You can heal.
As corny as this may sound to some people, and I would have never said this a year ago just ten days into sobriety, but what I lacked most was an active sense of spirituality. I had given up on it because I'm not a believer. Buddhist spiritualism is different, though, because it doesn't include god. It's a philosophy and a practice, and it's not incompatible with Christianity and other religions. Wasn't Christ's message about forgiveness and about reducing suffering? I think Christians can pray and meditate and practice mindfulness all together without threatening their faith.
But I digress. Healthy coping skills are the key to recovery as far as I'm concerned. Start creating a toolbox with whatever helps whether it's prayer or meditation, counseling or AA, healthy distractions or hobbies. Here's what's in my toolbox:
1) Gratitude for the little things that really matter: Shelter, food, love...
2) Forgiveness (self and others) - we're all human
3) Mindfulness and meditation and yoga
4) Healthy eating and drinking (because I'm worth it)
5) SR - yes, reaching out to others
6) Family - my wife and my dogs (especially my dogs cuz they never judge)
7) Nature - walking
8) Music - playing and listening
9) Writing and reading - to learn and sometimes for escape
10) And yes, sometimes I even take valerian or melatonin to sleep if all the above won't sufficiently turn off the monkey mind and I have to get up early for work in the morning dangit!
What's in your toolbox?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Nova Scotia
Posts: 19
Thanks for sharing and congratulations. I've once again started rebuilding my toolbox. I enjoy nature, photography and playing/listening to music. I was playing music while I was heavy into drinking as well, but I don't remember 90% of what I played with friends or by myself. The creativity that a clear mind has is so much more rewarding and really shows me what I am capable of.
waking down
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
Thanks, folks. I think the short version of this is just to encourage people to work on those coping skills that will prevent relapse. Each phase seems to have a slightly different focus. Keep breathing...
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