Ofelie

I have been away from here for a while, focusing on healing and starting again. Its been one year since I made him go. I agonized over it. I still do. But...as time went on...and this is for all who are going thru it now...I found that I was glad I had made him go. Nobody treated me as if I was crazy or any of the things he said. The pain of it all subsided, I started over. Moved 1200 miles away to the East Coast and met someone new. Things began normalizing..finally. Then, one night, out of the blue a text came on my phone. It said...I miss my baby, please text me. I thought it was a friend joking, from a fake number. So I said who is this....when he said it was him...my ex....I literally threw up my dinner. The physical response...the fear, the old feelings of longing,.the pain of being apart, the relief that I was so so far away and unreachable,.all of it. I hurled up every bit of my nice Chinese food. Then I blocked his number. Unfortunately, he keeps texting from different numbers. I am getting a different phone number today to stop it. What I want all of you who are going through it now to realize....he began with the nice loving words. I blocked his texts. Then, more came from different numbers, but they began turning, as he used to, so it went back to I love you baby but you're a lying crazy bitch. Danger, danger, alarms going off in my head and my heart. My progress my healing from his sick twisted damage....has come to a grinding halt. The old feelings....believing him, the old feelings, loving him, wanting him, were all there. Its so hard, we always had this intense connection. I am sure a lot of it was.just the challenge, the battles, they become addictive. I am set back, sitting here back in mourning, sad for what cannot ever be, because even though I am still no contact no RESPONSE....thats the important part...his words burn into my heart. For all of you who are going thru it, you must know that leaving them is not enough...you have to break off everything and begin new and x them out of your life for good. They do not change. Already he is texting from random numbers saying the same old ****...I caused him to be brutal with my "lying". Someone...pull me off that cliff, because its hard to swallow those, have them put in my head again. I keep repeating...no matter what I ever said or did, not that I had done what he said, but no matter what I did not deserve to be abused like I was. I keep repeating it like a mantra. Nothing I did justifies his abuse of me. I have permanent hearing loss and permanent damage to my hand from his abuse. I am trying so hard not to get sucked into his chaos again, and it helps being so far. Somehow he found out that I had moved. Hopefully he will not find out where. For those of you embroiled in it...know that life gets better when you escape it. I have found new love, a new world of friends, a new community we.enjoy, everything is better here. Life is calmer...and no one ever hurts me or accuses me of lying, etc. I still have damage and triggers and I am still working on me. These toxic people, its so important to stay fully no contact, no response. Its so strange to think how I used to feel bad if I X'ed someone out of my life. Now...people who are negative and toxic are wiped out of my life in a heartbeat. No more wasted time on them. Its killing me not responding to him...the pull is there. One look at my kids faces though and its easy. Stay strong...a year ago today is the last time I saw him. What a difference a year makes. Its still hard. Every day something reminds me of him. But...I am replacing all.of that with new memories, good memories with a loving man who does nothing but cherishes and honors me. I only got thru my ordeal with the help of all of you here, so thanks, again. Also, sorry for typos and all that, i am typing this on my phone.

Eauchiche

Dear Ofelie
You hang in there!
You are still in a VERY good place. Your feelings are understandable. Just because you left him doesn't mean you quit caring. This doesn't mean, however, that you need him in your life again.
You sound like you know how to use your head, and have figured things out pretty well. Just keep using it, and offer you ex up to your higher power.
Keep coming back!!!

LexieCat

Sorry you're going through this.

I suggest you call the police or go to your local family court and immediately get a protective order. With the history of physical abuse and now this stalking, it should not be difficult to get one. Most states allow you to obtain one even against an out-of-state abuser, and there are laws requiring orders issued in one state to be enforced in another.

You might want to contact your local women't shelter, too, and speak with an advocate, who can provide you with some safety planning recommendations and refer you for any needed counseling to help get him OUT of your head.

Hugs,

freetosmile

Hey there. I came from a really really physically abusive relationship before my now emotionally, verbally abusive AH ( go figure that one). I'm sure moving up in the world. HA.

I know that feeling in your stomach that your describing. I hated that feeling. It's sheer dread. Dread in it's most raw form. Yes, I relate with that for sure.

I think when it came to my ex...if I did (which I did) exactly what your doing and just not engaging with him, changing phone number, and all that jazz, he did go away. He didn't have the follow through to keep after me. Especially when he realized I wasn't going back.

Just keep ignoring it. I remember the names and the feelings that come with it. Although, my AH now is really bad with the name calling...so it's pretty fresh for me. Don't let him dig up crap that you've put behind you.If you've put it behind you, then GREAT...just leave it there. Stop that dialogue of taking the trip down memory lane. Stop it right in it's tracks and redirect yourself to what you have NOW.

HUGS. You didn't deserve that abuse. Be strong. It's going to be ok and maybe if he doesn't get the hint, get the police involved. Seriously, think hard about getting the police on this. You don't need this crap.

LexieCat

Ignoring it SOMETIMES works. If it doesn't, go directly to Plan B.

Cleo1234

Hopefully with you changing your number it will end and you can get continued peace!

cynical one

I agree with changing your number. I would only go the police and protective order route if he somehow gets the new number.

To abusers sometimes getting a PO = game on.