Wholesome

And he shows up with beer, drinks them alone, stays way too long and cracks a "joke" about me that was not a joke but an insult. Straight up insult. Like a lot thanks bud.

ScottFromWI

Doesn't sound like a friend to me. I would have asked him to leave.

Soberjoy1

Are you sure he's a friend? I know how you feel-had similar experience. Why is it that some people seem threatened by the people close to them changing?

Lance40

That's too bad that happened zen, but always remember that you get a say in who shows up, what they do while they are around you, how they talk to you and how long they stay. Setting boundaries can seem like the hardest thing you'll ever have to do if you aren't used to it. Your sobriety is really important and so are you. Don't forget it.

Lance40

I'll never forget what a wise friend once told me years ago, "When you make changes in your life, expect to lose some relationships because there are people who won't like the new you, they like the dysfunctional you."

Wholesome

It was a crack related to my drinking.... a real the pot calling the kettle black kind of thing... this coming from someone who can't put it down long enough to come to my house without beer after I told him before he came over that I've given it up. He was here to do me a favour, which was very kind of him so I bit my tongue instead of laying into him. But the comment still stung especially since I'm changing my ways.

freshstart57

Buddy: I liked you better when you were drinking.
Newly sober guy: I know! I liked you a lot better when I was drinking, too!

matilda123

That's probably it right there: your decision not to drink is making him self conscious about his own drinking. Relationships do change, I think, but often for the better. Honestly, I was one of the heavier drinkers in my group, so I haven't lost drinking buddies, but I have been rethinking some relationships that feel someahat one sided. And sober I can be such a better friend to the folks who I value as pals.

Wholesome

Freshstart... exactly! haha

hman0217

I used to get mad when people would do such things as joke about the no booze or put me on the spot in front of a large group of people. To me, it felt disrespectful of my choices in life. Just this New Years Eve, I was with people i don't really know very well in a foreign country and it was suggested that perhaps I'd like to "make an exception". No thank you!

The truth is, for most people, they can't possibly know what they're asking because they've never been in our shoes. If I gave someone a hard time for not liking mayonnaise, for example, it'd all be in good fun, right? They're simply saying "eat the damn mayonnaise you weirdo!"

Having said that, I've been sober for a few 24-hour periods now and I've got a bit of a foundation built up, where I can just brush this stuff off. When I was fresh into it, I avoided certain people like the plague - Particularly those folks that I used to drink and get high with. Before I was rooted in my recovery method, it was just too risky.

Hopefully, next time you need a favor, you can find somebody sober to help you!

Thank you for sharing this.

H

upminer

Same thing happened to me I kept quiet but when he tried to come back the next time I turned him away now he won't talk to me.... Don't come to my house and make fun of me for my choice because you won't quit yourself... I was that guy at Some point but I was usually envious of the person who could quit....

Stoogy

Hey buddy, sounds familiar to me, when I was younger I had a few friends that were nothing other than drinking buddies in the end.

anattaboy

Easy too see how some get mad that we won't help support their denial and their AV is ready for war. Been there, felt that. No loss.

SoberLeigh

Your friend sounds very inconsiderate, zen; if he neglects your boundaries, you may have to avoid him for a while or accept that he was only a drinking buddy and never a real friend.

Soberwolf

Hi Zen you dont need ppl like this in your life that is not a friend

You dont have to do that again Zen i would keep my distance permanant

If you told your 'friend' your not drinking & he showed up with beers knowing full well uve recently quit i would never speak to this person again Zen

Wholesome

Yeah I'm expecting to leave a few people behind me as I move forward into my new sober life. To be honest I don't see a lot of this guy anyways, for a variety of reasons one of which is that he always get way too drunk and acts unpleasant. As far as him making cracks about me quitting... to be fair he and everyone I know have heard it from me before so if they doubt it or "poke" fun at it I can hardly blame them. The only thing I can do is prove them wrong! And I will.

I've had mixed responses from the people in my life who I've told that I'm done with drinking. Mostly supportive, one friend said he wants to stop too so I got to tell him about how I'm using AVRT, perhaps when he's ready it will help him too. My girlfriends have been lovely and told me that they will go do sober things with me. Just this guy decided to rub it in my face, but that's his problem not mine.

Thanks for the responses, good to know I'm not the only person to have inconsiderate alchy friends.

I'm going to take the high road and forgive him. I've certainly done and said some stupid **** when I was drinking and people still spoke to me. But I'm not going to allow him to come to my house and drink again. I have a right to decide what happens in these walls.

jacksbean

Thats right, prove them wrong! I just started my journey to recovery but I am fully aware that I will have to leave some of my so called best friends of years behind. There will be more people you meet who will be fully supportive of your decisions. Those are the people to surround yourself with. Hang in there.

Wholesome

You too Jack! We got this!