misspriss

I'm just going to start this by saying I'm sorry for this post. I feel extremely whinny at this point and I just feel like I have no where else to go with this. My soon to be exRAH and I will be officially divorced in March. I feel like I have done well with our separation. I've worked hard on fixing me and being the best mom I can be for our daughter. I thought that it would be so much harder to be without him. Life without the stress has been great. But these last couple of months have been harder on me than I expected. I guess just all of the "anniversaries" and first holidays. Idk. All leading to this. Last new years, I felt like we were finally almost there. Like everything was going to be ok and then within 3 days it was just over. Over. I know that I did everything during the course of our marriage that I could but nothing helped. It's over and I'm normally ok with that but the last couple of days have been simply heartbreaking for me. I just cry and cry and question myself. Can someone please assure me that it won't always be like this? One day the hurt and the heartbreak of loving an alcoholic will be better, right?

Butterfly

I am sorry your feeling so hurt and sad, the holidays are an emotional time, how your feeling now won't last forever, be gentle on yourself and take it one day at a time. This time will pass and you will feel stronger. ((((Hugs))))

LexieCat

It ABSOLUTELY will be better. I think holidays, plus the nearness of the final divorce, is enough to make anyone's head spin a little. It will settle down, really and truly.

Keep working on yourself--making life better for you and your daughter--and by this time next year you will feel like a new woman.

misspriss

Thanks. I hope it's just the holidays and whatnot. I'd been doing so good. This just hit me the other day and it's been miserable. Lots of tears. I just needed some reassurance from people who understand.

maia1234

MP, I got a divorce 2 months ago and still cry. Not sure why, but still got over whelmed some time. I have a party to go to tonight and don't want to go because of all the couple there and all the drinking. I feel like an outsider. Not very comfortable in that environment any more.

Take one day at a time and think positive. That's all you can do.
((((((hugs)))))))))

NYCDoglvr

I think it's normal to feel a bit sad around the New Year after a separation. You're doing great!

lillamy

It won't. I'm a few years out from my divorce and I can honestly say that weeks go by without me even thinking of AXH -- and when I think of him, it's without any sort of pain or heartbreak. It's more like "oh crap, I forgot to call Aunt Agatha on her birthday, the old witch -- *sigh*"

Holidays are hard. Give yourself a break. (((hugs)))

FlippedRHalo

I slept through the new year and woke up on January 1st feeling like someone sucked the wind out of me. I haven't felt that sad and depressed since we first split up right after Thanksgiving. I didn't even feel that depressed and sad on Christmas.

I truly think the holidays throw many of us for a loop. Like I wrote in another post, I drove home from visiting my family up north and basically cried the entire length of the NJ Turnpike. I'd never felt so lost and alone, it was pretty awful. There were a few times I thought I'd have to pull over. I had to turn the music off because it seemed that every song that came on was a sad one and it just made me cry harder.

Those of us recently separated have the harsh reality that we're starting a new year alone without the person we tried so hard to help and wanted a life with. We're facing the death of our dreams and that hurts so badly. But, on the flip side, we're starting a new year without the crazy insanity of alcoholism in the forefront of our lives and I believe there is hope. I wonder where we'll all be on this road to sanity by this time next year...I have to believe we'll all be in a better place.

Today, I woke up feeling fine. I know that being with my alcoholic fiance does nothing except allow him to drink in comfort and as much as I hate to admit it, I do realize now how I enabled his behavior. I wish that wasn't the truth, but I suppose it is. It's hard not to "help" when you love someone so much, but we "helped" in the wrong way. My saving grace in all of this is hoping that with as much as he's now lost, some how, some way, it will wake him up and he'll help himself before it's too late. I've placed him in God's hands. It's too much for me to handle and I wasn't powerful enough to help him in the right ways.

As an aside, although by the time my ex-husband and I were ready to sign the divorce paperwork and make it final (I live in a state where you have to be separated for a year before being able to obtain an absolute divorce), I was so 100% completely over him and our relationship. Actually, a part of me couldn't wait for it to be final. The last 2 years of our marriage were anything but a marriage and I felt like I truly just fell out of love after the BS he dished out. However, I still felt a sense of sadness and loss once I signed my name on the line. It took me by complete surprise to feel that way, but I did. I think I was mourning the loss of what I'd hoped would be a normal, happy family for our daughter (mommy, daddy, child) more than losing him, but still, I definitely felt a lot of sadness and loss.

Holidays, New Year and a divorce, yeah. I'd say you're within perfectly normal limits to feel the way you do. The anticipation of it could also be what is getting to you. I don't do well with anticipation. I hate the lead up. Once it's all said and done, I usually do much better.

Go easy on yourself. You're doing fine and you're going to be ok. Emotions will come and go. Tears will come and go. The good days will start to outnumber the bad. Doesn't make it any easier when the bad days strike, but just remember it's an emotional wave...ride it out and you'll be on to smoother sailing again.
Hugs.

Eauchiche

My ex has consistently shown me the nastiest side of any human being I have ever known since our separation. Not even an attempt to be nice.
We separated over 10 months ago, and YES it does get better. I think part of the reality for me, is that there really is rarely ever "closure" with an Alky. So, I resign myself to limited contact with him, and enjoy the VERY rare occasions when he is halfway civil.

I haven't had to deal with the "good guy, bad guy" stuff I read about here. This has been a real mercy.

misspriss

Thanks to all of you... really. The normal people in my life seriously just do not understand this. I think I have cried almost non-stop today, even in front of my little one, which I normally do not do. She keeps assuring me that she loves me and it's ok. lol And I know it will be. Our lives are so much better since he is gone. I keep looking for closure and I've finally realized that I'm not going to get any closer to it. It is what it is. I will however be so happy when I get through the "first" of all of this stuff and the divorce is over and done with. Hoping it will stop hitting me so hard then. Thanks again. Hugs to each of you. We all deserve to be happy.

HollyC88

I've been getting emotional on and off since my break up as well. Holidays do make it worse too. Read my post about my new beginning last night. You are going to feel better and better everyday.

You are not alone