KarenSmith

I am going to a big anniversary party tonight. A friend has rented out a local place and hired a band. She expects about 100 people. I don't really want to go. It's not just about the drinking, I think I will be ok with that. I have discovered that I just don't enjoy being around large groups anymore. A few friends, a dinner party; those are fine. It has taken me a very long time to realize that pretty much to only reason I like to go to parties because they were essentially great big drinking opportunities. I am going with my husband and my neighbor. I will be the designated driver. The thing is I really don't want to stay much longer than an hour or so. I have a feeling my husband will want to stay longer once he runs into some friends and "warms up."

upminer

Be careful... That was one of the first ways my wife suckered me... "You be the Dd you can still come out and I can still drink" hearding them up into a car after hours of staring at them acting how you used to act sure wasn't fun. Before long I was drinking again since I wanted to be with my wife....

FreeOwl

If it were me I'd explain that I really don't feel comfortable going. I'd offer to drop off and to be the on call DD 'txt or call when you're ready sweetheart'....

Then I'd stay home and watch movies or work on a project or play guitar.

A bash like that would just be nothing but unpleasant to be around for me. Especially in early sobriety.

trachemys

OK. Don't go.

KarenSmith

If I were going alone I could say hello to friends and slip out. I already told my neighbor to take her own car because we had a family dinner (which is true). I just don't want to stay long. Now I just need to talk my husband out of going or take separate cars. We do need to make an appearance. The funny thing is that the couple hosting this doesn't even drink. Their plan is when the booze runs out, it runs out so it's not going to be a drunk fest. Just loud, which I don't care for. I will not drink.

KarenSmith

I have a plan. Neighbor is fine with making an appearance and leaving. Husband won't want to drive separately so my neighbor suggested taking her car so I can leave my husband with the car. He says now that he won't stay long but I know he will run into friends he hasn't seen in a while and get to talking. This way when I say I want to go I don't have to nag him for an hour before I can get out the door. I can be in bed by 10pm. I am getting so boring, but I will be glad tomorrow.

trachemys

You're getting...normal.

SoberLeigh

Sounds like a good plan, KarenSmith; well done.

Anna

Karen, I often feel the way you do. I love being around my family and very close friends, but other than that, not so much, especially not large crowds. I have accepted that and made peace with it. Life is way too short to do things you don't want to be doing.

BBQBiker

Karen, you plan sounds great. I like how you are voicing and honoring you feelings. We have to be our own advocate. Way to go!

Mikie9

Sounds like a good plan for you, but leaving hubby with a car?!? How drunk is he gonna get and drive home?

KarenSmith

Mikie, hubby isn't a big drinker. As it turned out we all drove together. The plan was to stay an hour which we did. When we got there my husband came through the crowd and says here as he handed me a glass of wine. I took it and held it until I could get somewhere and set it down. No problem at all. Actually had a good time but the music was too loud. Mission accomplished. Day 2

ScottFromWI

Glad you made it through. Is your husband not aware that you are trying to quit?

Serenidad

Also glad you made it! Is hubby supporting your sobriety?

upminer

Glad you made it but you should really make it clear that you don't want the offer. My wife had been Doing that to me and it's really pissing me off....so far it's been an offer to "finish" her. Glass of wine or an offer of a beer that she drinks but I always loathed so I've been good. What would scare me is if she came home with a beer inised to like.... But I think it would just make me angry over wanting to drink at this point... Either way conrats on maki it through.

Soberwolf

Glad you made it your awesome

Is husband aware Karen ?

KarenSmith

My husband wasn't trying to get me to drink. Last night on the way in to the party he just stopped by the bar on the way in and grabbed a glass for me. I had told him that I wasn't drinking last night before we left but it probably just didn't register. He's is hard of hearing and honestly I never know what he hears me say. (It is very frustrating-but that is a whole other issue.) He's ok with me drinking or not drinking. He doesn't think I drink too much (most of the time.) My problem is that I drink daily and most of the time it is 2-3 glasses of wine. Sometimes I will drink up to 4-5 but not usually. I have long term depression and I drink more when I am depressed and drinking exacerbates the depression. It is a vicious cycle to that taken me years to understand. I have a drinking problem. It affects my depression, my sleep, my energy level, my weight, etc. As I have gotten older my body just can't handle it. Over the last year I have been trying to moderate my drinking and have started to really realize how much they are connected. I quit last year for about 7 weeks. Then went back to "moderating" but my meds can't work if I am drinking.

Serenidad

Have you tried to quit "permanently" before? Do you feel you are medicating solely because of depression? Or stress? Or anxiety? You're right...that vicious cycle is horrible! I was caught in it too only mine was mostly anxiety.

ScottFromWI

Have you shared all this with him? Maybe you could print this out and have him read it. Most people that are not alcoholic don't understand alcoholism, and frankly they can't be blamed as in really makes no sense. Any logical person would just assume that if you drink too much, you should cut back. But of course we know ( or eventually realize ) that moderation is not possible. My wife doesn't really understand why I cannot control my drinking anymore, but she accepts and suports my decision to remain abstinent. And slowly I am regaining her trust with my continued sobriety.

KarenSmith

Serenidad, those are some of the many questions that I am now asking myself. I have been drinking for so long as a habit and a lifestyle that it is hard to separate. The last time I quit for more than a month I was still struggling with the idea of quitting forever. I still am, but I see myself getting to the point that I am beginning to be able to accept the idea of life without it. It is a process. Every time I quit I get farther down the road to complete sobriety.

I have suffered depression since I was a child so I think it has totally caused me to self medicate throughout my whole life to the point that drinking is part of who I am, my lifestyle. Through contemplation, education and self discovery I am slowly learning that I have been self medicating all of my adult life. I look back and think what a pathetically slow learner I am!