SeriousKarma

My daughter is driving me crazy.

She's moody, and mean, and petulant, and bullying, and I'm sick of her.

I know a lot of it's hormonal, and I know a lot of it's stress, but you know what? I'm hormonal, and I'm stressed, and I'm beginning to get really tired of trying to take the high road with a 17 year old that seems determined to revisit her toddler years. Toddler years, that I might add, were free of this kind of drama.

She asked me a question 20 minutes before she left for work this morning, and when I balked at giving her the answer she wanted, she started pushing, and pushing, and pushing..... When I told her to drop it all hell broke lose. It certainly didn't get dropped. Getting her to drop it was like trying to cage a feral cat.

I swear as God is my witness, I maintained my cool the whole time, and yet she perceived me as being the instigator. It's insane. Then she stormed out of the house saying that I screwed up her last few minutes before work.

Now, please understand, I could write post after post after post on my daughter's good qualities, and how well we get along, and how much I love her,....

But, right now, I want to give up. I'm so tired of dealing with other people's issues while mine pile up and fester, unaddressed. I don't want to think about it. I don't want to worry about it. I don't want to have to constantly ponder whether or not addiction is looming on her horizon. I don't want to have to come up with plans of action, and contingency plans that involve boundaries.

I don't want to be the single parent of a 17 year old. This sucks.

Seren

I'm not a parent, but I did read a post here in which the parent of the teen adopted the technique of "I'll have to think about that. I'll get back to you with my answer." Then, as you did, calmly reinforcing it even though the storm is brewing. Later, when you are not in the thick of it, perhaps bring up the subject again with your answer--whatever that may be.

AcceptingChange

Ugh, that's frustrating! They seem determined to cause a fight, to make the chaos inside their mind and body become part of everyone outside their mind. I never found a way to solve it, because the teen's goal seems to be an irrational determination to start a fight.
But, the one distant light is that they are in the process of change, and they will be different at 21 years old. (cold comfort during these years, i know :-/ )

freetosmile

So sorry Karma-

I get super frustrated with arguing with my kids. I just kind of have this belief that at 32 I shouldn't be having to take any crap from a bunch of kids! HA! But I am outnumbered and they know it. Right now, they are walking all over me.

I have three daughters and two of them recently started their monthly's. Wonderful! Great! (ugh)

AH and I had rules about not dating until high school. Now my 8th grader (son) wants a girlfriend. He would NEVER suggest such a thing with his dad. Also, no drinks or food in the living room...they are walking all over that one too.

I do get nervous about the possibility of being a single parent....but I've done it by myself before AND AH is really good at keeping us all "prisoners"as we aren't really allowed to talk about feelings, express ourselves freely, and all that.

Plus, lets face it...teenagers suck. They really really do and I firmly believe that anyone who wants to argue this either is in denial or doesn't have one.

Cheer up. Your daughter loves you and she will remember it when you LEAST expect it. I took the circle of security class as a continuing education course for my license. It was crazy! It was really designed towards early childhood, but it applies to children of all ages. The theory is that we turn our kids out loose in the world and they explore, learn, absorb. WE as parents START the circle. We watch them while they explore but ALLOW them the space to do it. Then when the child is ready, YOU also complete the circle because they will bring ALL that they have learned BACK TO YOU for affirmation, validation, and approval.
I actually don't know what this has to do with fighting with a 17 year old....I got off track...anyway, cheer up! Your daughter is lucky to have you.

NWGRITS

That's a technique addressed in Parenting with Love & Logic. It works, but it takes practice.

It's pretty much an unwritten rule that your good toddlers will be hell on wheels as teenagers, and your troublesome toddlers will sail through the teen years with minimal carnage. She should outgrow it, but I know that doesn't help in the moment.

dandylion

Karma....not to worry. This is Nature's way of preparing for the Flight of Independence.

She is individuating--in preparation for the tear away. In addition, it would not be so easy on us to tell them goodbye if they stayed as delicious and lovable as when they were toddlers.

It is working just as it is supposed to.....LOL!

dandylion

TalenCrowhaven

Yep, this! ^^^

And, if she starts badgering you, no need get frustrated or get into a debate. Hold your boundary and let Arnie do the talking:

crocoPuffs: Arnold Schwarzenegger Soundboard

LexieCat

That's a very tough age. I sometimes feel guilty that my ex and his wife had to put up with the teenaged drama on a day-to-day basis (it drove ME insane during my visits at Christmas and occasional mid-year visits). The good news is that most of them do survive to be fine young adults. And most of the parents survive, too, though maybe with a few less brain cells than we started with.

Eauchiche

Both of my sisters are like this, and they are over 50.
They spent their entire childhood, as did I, learning not how to argue, but just plain old fightin'.
When they get like this, I just have to walk away. I also have very limited contact with them.

Butterfly

Karma big hugs I understand your frustration, I am going through something similar with my DD.

Although I can't offer you any advice I just wanted to send you a hug and let you know my thoughts are with you, teenagers they aren't easy!!

((((((((Big hugs)))))))))

SeriousKarma

Thanks everybody. I'll guess I'll keep plugging away. Maybe things aren't so hopeless. When I got home she was already back from work and in a much better mood. She was being very pleasant. I could tell she was trying to put this morning in the past. Instead of bringing it up again and confronting her I'm just going to let it go. I'm sure it will come up again, and we'll probably lock horns, but for now I think I'll just try and enjoy the peace, and do a little regrouping.

In the meantime I'm going to practice some of Arnold Schwarzenegger's lines, curtesy of TalenCrowHaven. Priceless!!!!!!!

Freetosmile: Regarding your girls entering this new phase of their lives. I think everyone here would agree that the best advice we can give you is to run away. Now. Fast and far.

lillamy

I hear that it's generally frowned upon to put them out on the curb on garbage pickup day. Not that the thought would ever have occurred to me, mind you... nope, my children are absolute angels... but I can tell you that if there was a boarding school in Switzerland that we could afford, my 15-year-old would be on a plane tonight. Not even kidding.

It's damn hard to be a single parent. It's easier to be in a step-parent situation in some ways, and in other ways, it adds another layer of crazy.

I just wanted to let you know that I totally get the "TAKE THIS &*#@$*&^ TEENAGER NOW" -- I'm usually there a few times a week. And it doesn't mean we don't love them. It just means when they do move out, we'll only cry until they're out of sight and then we'll open the champagne. (And then we'll cry some more.)

Stung

Awesome. I should have some smooth sailing teenage years with my oldest then. Goosfrabba.

knowthetriggers

My teen is only 13going on 30!! She is just one of the triggers for my A , who is my hubby of 17 years. I try to step in and be the buffer but then I feel bet up! Totally get what you are going thru. I have started to practice tough love on all of them, including my 8 year old. At some point I need to keep my sanity and if I am not in my right mind then what good am I to my family? It is not easy but sometimes silence and a cold shoulder speaks louder than words!

pinkpeony

((hugs))
I've raised 5 teen girls.
They are insane. Really. Truly. Insane.

I'm a nurse and I worked a locked female unit of a state psych hospital where the worst of the worst cases came.
When I arrived home after work, it was seriously like I never left work.
Crazy girls everywhere. Home & work.

I have one 17yo daughter left here at home with me, you can bet your booty the day she goes off to college next fall, I'm throwing a party!

Totally understand your post and how you feel.
This too, shall pass.

Kris47

I can only sympathize. A dear old friend always tell me, "It's all written in the stars. Her kids turned out perfect. She never really did much to corral them. Different story for my situation. The good news, they grow up and have kids of their own. They turned out good, too. In the end. Wishing you some serenity and peace of mind..............

SeriousKarma

So... then.... you're saying I can send my daughter to you?

pinkpeony

Lol! ummm.....NO!

KariSue

I had 3 teens at the same time and my husband back then worked out of town and was just home here and there. So basically I was a single mom (although married).

I used to have a button I clipped onto my purse that said "Be nice to me. I am the mother of a teenager." I think I still have that button somewhere.

Kari

lillamy

You have no idea what a relief that was to read. I don't work with psychiatric care, but every single one of my coworkers needs it -- so I feel like I can somehow relate to your life. And yeah, I'm right there with them, at work and at home, getting crazier by the day...