red3215

Facing reality. It's hard to face the truths that I buried and buried and hid from for so long. Not just by drinking it away but many habits avoided to deal with painful realities-- ignoring things I don't like about myself, hellacious ways I've been treated by people I trusted, finances being a mess and no current job

. It all hurts and hurts.I want to do the usual running away--have fun to bury all this. Eat too much. Watch movies when I should be looking for work. Toss away mail from creditors and billers. I can't do this if I follow my new motto to take reality by the reins and find a way to deal with it, before I play around again.Now I've managed openining all mail, throw a fit when I lose some, or if i dont lose it and have to deal with my tremendous financial debt and admitting my horrible spending habits I didn't make enough money to fix the debts. I must admit my past mistakes then I cry a whole bunch and eventually retreat again into denial and escapism.

This is progress, somewhat. I'm doing better for not ignoring life the way I was but it gets overwhelming at times. I know with time I'll find better ways to adjust when I don't get my way. For now I cry and hate what I've done to myself and what others have done to me, too. I don't follow AA but the rigorous self-honesty is what i think helps sober up people most. I also love the line "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference". When I reach that wise level this volcano I feel with every disappointment calm down . That day isn't here yet Could use some support and input from sober a while who can see life squarely in the eye and not crumble. Try to fix and can or accept a monster in the room. Eventually with honesty and good adjustment skills it must be possible to joy life's curves balls.Adjust. I'm working on THAT but the acceptance is HARD so far

red3215

Typos and bad communication I blame on my phone . But I i think most readers get the gist of what I'm saying.thank you for reading and being there for me

upminer

Bingo! Once I faced the fact that I can't have a drink like "everyone else" it was like a weight was lifted but it was the hardest admission of my life. To come to terms with it but see it as a positive not a negative. The reality is that I cannot consume alcohol. Period. Done. Only took 3 months of screwing around with the idea but 8 years prior of denying the 2 months since livig the truth have been hard but rewarding!

Copper442

Well, I have not been sober for long at all so I cannot provide profound guidance. I can say that you are not alone. When the fog lifts then all the years of past hurts and everything you ran away from are exposed and open anew. It's wonderful that you are being honest with yourself and are committed to making changes. Baby steps in my opinion is key. Look at what you can fix today.

I know that I have accumulated a lot of problems for myself and many of them cannot be fixed overnight. Looking at the whole will definitely stress you out and make it seem impossible. Take what you can. If you keep at it before you know it you will be on the other side.

red3215

That was encouraging. It will take time to stop over-reacting to so much stimuli I used to drown out. Listening to my gut these days to help me find my own truths. And try not to HATE those truths

JD4010

I've got such a heap of regrets in my life...and, while drinking, I tossed even more regrets onto the pile. Sobriety causes me to face those regrets without any buffer. It's damned tough. I've always tried to ignore problems and hope they'd go away...but they sure seem able to catch up with me.

Day two of sobriety here. I wish you well!

MariahGayle

RedLady....You are not alone in having regrets & feeling overwhelmed....Take some deep breaths & try & stay in the present....Just for today

leviathan

i can certainly relate to this. i allow myself some pride in present efforts to fix things. seems to buffer the regret.

Serenidad

For me...working the 12 Steps of AA with a sponsor helped clear away everything you described. I'm going through them again now.

Just take it one day at a time. Rome wasn't built in a day. Praying for you!

upminer

You can't get caught up in the regret when YOU have taken the steps to secure your future! We all did things we are not proud of but you will do them sober as well to a degree. No one is perfect.

red3215

Well buckets of tears is better than bottles of wine. The habitual mental resistance to painful truths is getting stripped away. I feel worse even though I'm healing In the long run, I know

JanieJ

Redladyslipper ((()))

Take it easy on yourself, my friend.

I have major regrets, really major, and at times it is hard to live with myself, but the only thing I can do is begin to sort things out and make amends where I can, say goodbye to toxic people in my life, and start rebuilding, slowly.

I think Serenidad is right about working the 12 steps.

I will also pray for you x

retiredusaf

One day at a time, and when that doesn't work, one minute at a time.

FreeOwl

I can relate!


Working the steps, going to AA, facing my backlog - emotionally, financially, mentally, physically all helped move me to a much better place.

A year down the line, things are so much better.

Hang in there and if AA isn't your chosen path; find one that truly helps you clear the past, define a direction, build new skills for living and get ACTIVE in forging your sobriety.