ubntubnt

Given the time of year I feel there are probably a great many newcomers who have made resolutions to quit and are starting to feel the strain. Although there are many posters here who can help more than I can I thought it may be worth sharing my experiences of dropping the booze and hopefully these words can help in some way to somebody.

Lets start with some background on me:
The good: Male, mid 40's, second marriage, two kids, professional career. Outwardly confident and in control of his life. Involved in charity work, written and published a book etc etc.
The bad: Have been an alcoholic for the past decade at last and have been drinking heavily since the age of 15. Drinking has been completely out of control for the past 5 years in particular. As an example, the last 10 times I drank I experienced blackouts every time and woke up in hotels/massage parlours (cheap place to sleep)/friends houses at least 5 or 6 times. Each time, I would wake up, stagger back down to the nearest bar and continue. For at least half of the weekends in the three months before I quit, my wife did not know where I was and my sons would be waiting for me at home. Come Monday morning I would dust myself off, stagger in to work and run a company with thousands of staff. Finish work, wander off down the pub and drink again until blackout. You get the picture. My drinking was drinking to total oblivion drinking, not drinking to get drunk.

I first realised that I had a problem with drinking early on, maybe when I was in my early 20's. Over twenty years ago. but I seemed to be able to hold my social life together, my career was progressing and life was great fun so I just pushed through it and kept drinking. Of course things got worse and steadily worse over time. I never really suffered with DTs or anxiety, nothing really beyond hangovers. However, in the past year the following happened:

- I experienced my first panic attacks and anxiety, dizzy spells
- I was run over while crossing the road drunk and almost died
- My best friend died of a drink induced brain haemorrhage and I was the one called on to turn off the life support machine
- I lost my laptop and phone countless times

By this time I was ringing in sick quite frequently, adding a day or two to a business trip to stay at home and "working from home" some days. I would then spend all day, from the moment I opened my eyes to the moment I passed out, drinking wine and beer on the couch or in my bedroom with the door locked while my boys, nanny and wife led a normal life in the living room and kitchen.

Even then, I did not see the writing on the wall in front of me. Unbelievably, I still thought my life was under control and that the drinking was not to blame. Then, after my last bender I almost cheated on my wife but when she asked me back to hers I didn't go as I wanted to carry on drinking. The next day, I read an article on the mental and emotional problems associated with drinking and the light bulb went on. I know it sounds totally crazy but I didn't think that alcohol was to blame for my increasing anxiety, panic attacks and light headedness. I thought liver damage etc were the symptoms of over drinking. I knew at that moment that I was careering down the road towards an early grave and that if I did not quit I would die. So I quit. That was 7 weeks ago, since then I have drank alcohol on one occasion and not touched a drop on the other 48 days. Here is what I have learned:

1) Alcohol is an incredibly powerful drug and it is progressive. Remember that story about the frog getting slowly boiled alive in the pot of boiling water? That's you and alcohol. It blinded me to the reality of what was happening. I am a reasonably smart guy and yet I could not see my life falling apart right in front of my eyes, alcohol is THAT strong.

So, if it blinds you so much how do you know if you are an alcoholic or whether you need to quit? The best way I think is something I read on this site. Ask yourself: "Does my drinking/alcohol cause problems in my life?" If the answer is yes, then you probably need to quit. If you are here on this site you are also probably an alcoholic (just a hunch).

2) I spent well over a decade trying to drink in moderation. I couldn't. My problem got worse. There is nothing I didn't try: drinking on alternative days, limiting to 3 drinks a day, drinking only x days per week, only drinking with food etc etc etc etc. Nothing worked. For 99%+ of problem drinkers, or alcoholics, or whatever you choose to call it, drinking in moderation is not possible. You need to quit completely. I wish I had realised this 10 years ago and saved myself all the hassle. Don't believe me on this? Then read the site and listen to others. We all say the same thing.

3) I personally don't get too caught up in the notion that you need to hit a bottom before you quit and that the bottom needs to involve you losing everything. The picture I outlined to you above was real and it was my bottom. I still have my family and job and friends but I almost killed myself drinking. That was my bottom. For me, a bottom is when you reach the point that you realise that if you don't quit drinking that it will eventually kill you. You do not need to prove to yourself by continuing to drink. In other words, quit immediately when you reach your moment of clarity.

4) Here is a big one: after the torture of drinking and trying to moderate and the ongoing and building feelings of despair, anxiety and guilt....quitting was actually quite a relief and even in some respects easy. Don't get me wrong, some of the cravings have been really difficult...but they pass and now 80% of the time I don't even think about drinking (ok....maybe not 80%, but a lot of the time). Compared to the mental torture, the hangovers, the endurance tests I put my body under, this is easy.

5) The tough bit was making the decision to quit. Not the half hearted "I think I should quit or at least really cut down" type of decision but the "I will never, ever, ever drink again and I will restructure my entire life around my sobriety to protect it" type of decision. These are totally different decisions. Quitting the booze FOREVER will probably be the most difficult thing you have ever done and will ever need to do (I don't mean emotionally difficult like the death of a family member). You cannot succeed unless you are 100% prepared to go the distance.

6) Research different tools to help you quit. Personally AVRT really resonated with me but AA didn't. AA seems an amazing program that has really helped many but I don't think it is for me. Find the tools and supports that will work for you. But choose based on your understanding that you will be 100% committed and will never drink again.

7) Do you drink when you are hungry? Drink with good food? Drink when tired? Drink when feeling great? Drink to celebrate? To drown sorrows? To have a good time with friends? When alone and lonely? When on holidays? At Xmas? With work colleagues or clients? Do you drink when travelog for business? Or when there is a good movie on the tv? Drinking is everywhere, it has burrowed its nasty little head deep deep into your life.....so listen up.....irrespective of what your circumstances are day to day, you cannot drink again, EVER. There are no circumstances that justify it and there are no exceptions to this rule. Thats how ruthless you will need to be to beat this.

8) I have found my sobriety (only 7 weeks in) to be a real journey of discovery. Weeks one and two were quite easy and full of drive and focus. Weeks three to five were really tough with cravings for sweet food and carbs (I was eating 5-8 cereal bars in the middle of the night), my sleep was disrupted and I was walking around looking more and not less tired. Weeks 6 and 7 have been amazing, really clear headed, engaging people more deeply and emotionally, most cravings are gone now and I am sleeping great. Don't expect everything to change overnight, just keep pushing on and most importantly don't drink!

9) I am a quite introverted person. I like to feel that I can beat anything by myself but I have needed to confide in others and look for support to beat this. I have chosen this site and my wife to be my primary support and I have researched and posted here daily since I quit. So I really recommend to you to research well..."tool up"...and trust a small number of people close to you who you feel you can confide in. This coming week I will also attend my first AA meeting to see what it is like. Not so much to do the steps but to meet some more recovering alcoholics as I feel I would like some friends who are recovering alcoholics. Not just to talk about quitting drinking with but in my life generally.

Anyway, these are just a few thoughts off the top of my head. Please ready through the site. All the horror stories are here and there is an immense amount of wisdom mixed in also. Good luck in you decision to quit and stay in touch....happy new year!

Peace2015

Great share! Thank You for taking the time.

Hawks

"Not so much to do the steps"

Chicken

ubntubnt

Haha, not really sure what they entail to be honest, find out when I get there I guess. Will read up beforehand.

Dee74

is that what they call 'attraction not promotion' Hawks?



D

MelindaFlowers

Brilliant. Thank you so much for sharing.

Soberwolf

Well done on your 7 weeks sober

Hawks

Hehe, that and I'd sincerely like to see ub hang on to everything he still has.

If you look at the folks on SR who have decades of sobriety, nearly all are AA members who have been through the work.

There's probably going to be an avalanche of folks along now to say "ahhhh no, actually...... "

But just a casual observation

JohnZ

You have no idea how much this means to me, and reflects my own experience. Thank you so much for posting this.

desypete

was that you calling him a chicken hawks or god telling you to call him that ?

either way it might just be enough to put someone off going to an aa meeting

keep up the good work mate

Strength123

Thanks for sharing and well done on the 7 weeks. Keep it up

ubntubnt

I think it was a somewhat unhelpful comment but the issues around it are important. I think there is not close to as much understanding in wider society as there needs to be regarding alcoholism given the widespread destruction it causes. I think AA have done an amazing job at creating widespread awareness that there is a program designed to help alcoholics to recover but a bad job at explaining what the program is or how it works. For many people on the high street AA equals giving yourself to a higher power (God), curing your "disease" and taking it one day at a time. Actually this was my perception and also that of my friends and it actually contributed to me not stopping drinking earlier. It just sounded so cultish and intimidating. Of course I know now that the reality is very different.

When I was younger, weightwatchers was ubiquitous with losing weight. You want to lose weight? Go to weightwatchers. You are an alcoholic? Go to AA. You don't know what it is and how it works? Don't worry, just go and do what they say. You'll be fine. These days there are many diets out there and it's much easier to understand the biology behind theM and health and weight loss in general with tools like the Internet. Same goes for alcoholism and AA. AA may well prove to be the most effective and scientifically rigorous program out there but it still seems like a worthwhile pursuit to get educated on multiple systems also early in your recovery.

ShenzyT

Brilliant - well done on 7 weeks.
Great post.

anattaboy

Nice Post. Congrats on giving up the high cost of low living.

hayley86

Thanks for sharing!

nigey1

Great post. A lot rings true particularly not having to hit a perceived bottom and the mental health probs associated with drinking.

3222014smt

Thanks for the share!!

Great breakdown.

Hawkeye13

Very helpful post.

Many roads lead to Rome don't they?

My denial of the problem was also incredible until I finally finally got it

Eshgham

Nice post.

Anewyear

Thanks for sharing! Truly helpful and eye opening.