honest help. at a loss
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: CA
Posts: 13
honest help. at a loss
My boyfriend is an alcoholic. We have been together for 3 yrs. He is unwilling to quit even to save our relationship. I try talking to him about it and it always get flipped around that I'm the bad one because I'm always nagging him about the things that he does. Mostly his drinking.
I'm at a loss of what to do. I talk to him it doesn't help. I say nothing and it eats me alive.
what do I do???
I'm at a loss of what to do. I talk to him it doesn't help. I say nothing and it eats me alive.
what do I do???
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
welcome, dmcyl, and glad you found SR. It's too bad that you needed to find us, but there is a ton of support and experience here. I've got a couple of recommendations as to what you can do to help w/your situation.
1) Read, read, read as much as you can here. I think you'll find a lot of stories that sound quite familiar to you. You're not alone, not by a long shot.
2) When you're reading, make sure not to miss the stickies at the top of the page. This thread is an example of what you'll find there, and it's a good place to start: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
3) Find a local Alanon meeting and go. The combo of SR and Alanon has worked well for me, since each has strengths that the other does not necessarily have.
Like they say at Alanon, it is "possible to find contentment and even happiness, whether or not the alcoholic is still drinking."
Wishing you strength and clarity.
1) Read, read, read as much as you can here. I think you'll find a lot of stories that sound quite familiar to you. You're not alone, not by a long shot.
2) When you're reading, make sure not to miss the stickies at the top of the page. This thread is an example of what you'll find there, and it's a good place to start: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
3) Find a local Alanon meeting and go. The combo of SR and Alanon has worked well for me, since each has strengths that the other does not necessarily have.
Like they say at Alanon, it is "possible to find contentment and even happiness, whether or not the alcoholic is still drinking."
Wishing you strength and clarity.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Welcome DMCY,
I second Honeypig's welcome to read all over here on SR.
Here is a link to a few very useful articles by Floyd P Garrett on addiction that helped me stop accepting the impact of alcohol in my life. I printed these out, highlited the heck out of them, then sent them to his family when I kicked him out of the house.
Addiction, Lies and Relationships
I second Honeypig's welcome to read all over here on SR.
Here is a link to a few very useful articles by Floyd P Garrett on addiction that helped me stop accepting the impact of alcohol in my life. I printed these out, highlited the heck out of them, then sent them to his family when I kicked him out of the house.
Addiction, Lies and Relationships
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
CodeJob.....I also found the articles by Floyd P. Garrett to be among the most useful that I have ever read.
When I read those, I stopped taking the behavior (my adult son) so personally. I was able to look at the alcoholic with m o re understanding and compassion--as well as MYself!
I try to recommend them to others who are interested, also.
dandylion
When I read those, I stopped taking the behavior (my adult son) so personally. I was able to look at the alcoholic with m o re understanding and compassion--as well as MYself!
I try to recommend them to others who are interested, also.
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 609
It is hard for me to even read your post because I remember so long ago being there. A marriage and a child later, I finally woke up.
You sound so sincere in your post and my heart really feels for you. If I can offer one thing to remember if nothing else is that alcoholism is not about you and your relationship. He had the problems leading up to this and will have it after you unless he finds recovery for a long period of time.
You have to ask yourself the hard questions as to why you put up with it. I had to do that over time as well. Once you start answering those questions for yourself, you will truly get somewhere different.
Keep coming back to SR. It really helps.
You sound so sincere in your post and my heart really feels for you. If I can offer one thing to remember if nothing else is that alcoholism is not about you and your relationship. He had the problems leading up to this and will have it after you unless he finds recovery for a long period of time.
You have to ask yourself the hard questions as to why you put up with it. I had to do that over time as well. Once you start answering those questions for yourself, you will truly get somewhere different.
Keep coming back to SR. It really helps.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Silicon Valley, CA
Posts: 2,066
Welcome!
Honeypig offered up some great suggestions above. SR and al-anon have been great sources of help for me as well.
The only thing you can do at this point is work on yourself and stop focusing on your boyfriend's drinking.
Honeypig offered up some great suggestions above. SR and al-anon have been great sources of help for me as well.
The only thing you can do at this point is work on yourself and stop focusing on your boyfriend's drinking.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Gulf Coast
Posts: 118
Originally Posted by Justbreathe1980 
If he is not willing to quit drinking to save your relationship, are you willing to endure the drama that his drinking causes?
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