Notices

Sometimes I find this site depressing ...

Old 01-02-2015, 05:06 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 349
Sometimes I find this site depressing ...

It is Day One again for me. I was doing so well in November and thought I would "just try it" again and drink and now I am right back where I was before. Stupid decision, but I can't take it back.

I am willing to try this site again and be more involved and I have been coming here and reading posts, just not posting myself for quite a while. Even back in November when I had 19 days sober, I realized then that I really couldn't drink and that is how I made it that far. Not so much by posting here.

I know this site is to help people, I get that, but sometimes I find it depressing. There are always new people here, it is always "Day One" over and over and over and it doesn't seem like anyone really gets sober for very long. Even those that I have been following that I thought had more sober time (and some did), seem to fall off the wagon again and again.

I am not saying I am any different, obviously, but when I read posts where someone fails AGAIN, it doesn't seem all that inspiring. It just seems depressing and like no one ever seems to get sober. I am not sure if that helps me. I am not sure WHAT DOES help me, because obviously on my own I am not succeeding either, but maybe I am just not reading these posts with the right mindset.

Can anyone offer their advice on this?
Cecilia44 is offline  
Old 01-02-2015, 05:10 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
~sb
 
sugarbear1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,951
look at the positive side of this: we are all Trying our best to stay stopped.

we are here for support

my alcoholism wants me dead. I am no longer stuck in alcoholism, today I am working on recovering.

You CAN stay stopped, too!
sugarbear1 is offline  
Old 01-02-2015, 05:11 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
soberclover's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
Great post and some great thoughts! There are many of us here on SR who have varying lengths of sobriety and clean time. I suggest reading beyond the first post of someone who is at day one and read the feedback from others who may have more sobriety and are offering helpful suggestions. Perhaps you could focus on what is working for others who are sober. Personally, I find strength and hope in those who do post however frequently their day one experience....it means that they aren't giving up the thought of sobriety!
soberclover is offline  
Old 01-02-2015, 05:13 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,043
I think it can boil down to a glass half full or empty scenario Cecilia.

I actually find this site inspirational - for me a relapse isn't an end...often it's simply a brief pause before the story starts again...often the story ends in a success.

We're both looking at the same posts...y'know?

I'm not putting myself up as some kind of Zen master either...I get burnt out, or I feel down, or ill, or in pain, but I do genuinely believe we change lives here.

I couldn't be here if I didn't know that to be true

There is absolutely no reason why your story cannot be another success story as well Cecilia

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 01-02-2015, 05:17 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 349
I know Dee and I figured I would hear something like that from someone. I knew before I posted that I tend to be negative by nature and maybe I really am just looking at it wrong. It's hard to change the way your mind works and I do tend to see the glass as half empty more than not.

BUT ... it is NOT IMPOSSIBLE for me to change my mindset either. I will try harder to see the good here and not the bad.

See ... I am trying to be more positive already, whether I believe what I just wrote or not. Perhaps if I write positive thoughts it will eventually become my real thoughts.
Cecilia44 is offline  
Old 01-02-2015, 05:18 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Alwyshope12's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 269
There is a lot of great information here, and people I can relate to as having had similar struggles. There are also multiple groups, so you can find people who have been sober for over a year and people who are between 3 and 6 months and of course those of us who are still working on getting it right.

It's not an easy process, and we all learn at our own pace, but there are certaintly many people who have quit, provide support, give guidance, and act as role models for the rest of us.

Check out some of the other threats (other than new comers). And see what you can learn from them.

Good luck!!
Alwyshope12 is offline  
Old 01-02-2015, 05:19 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Pressure makes diamonds
 
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 521
Hi Cecilia,
Don't give up. Day 1 is depressing, I'm only on day 2 and I felt the same yesterday. Someone could have handed me a winning lotto ticket and it couldn't have pulled me out of the dread I felt. If you find posts that bring you down, move on to another one that inspires you. We can only change ourselves, another person or a website can't do it for us. You did this before for 19 days so you can do it again. I know how you feel, because I am there too. Let's do this together and experience life in 2015. What's the alternative?
Hope2014 is offline  
Old 01-02-2015, 05:26 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi and welcome back.
What you say is fairly accurate because the thinking is short term sobriety as I see it with many. That’s bad seeing that a small % can make it back into sobriety after relapsing.

For success long term it takes work and change within us to succeed. This period in our life seems more concentrated in todays performance and not the long term effects.

Ask people here about their life sober compared to a few years ago before they stopped drinking. And it gets better, never would I have expected in my wildest dreams to be able to do some of the things I grateful to have been able to do since becoming sober.

Did I mention WORK AND CHANGE?

BE WELL
IOAA2 is offline  
Old 01-02-2015, 05:35 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Originally Posted by Cecilia44 View Post
See ... I am trying to be more positive already, whether I believe what I just wrote or not. Perhaps if I write positive thoughts it will eventually become my real thoughts.

Being positive certainly helps along with reading and writing. The big thing is action. Most of us need a push and I found mine in the fellowship and working the program without which death or an institution was the only option.
This is very serious stuff because alcohol is cunning, powerful, baffling and insidious.
BE WELL
IOAA2 is offline  
Old 01-02-2015, 05:36 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
BernieE's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: The Northland
Posts: 600
none of us is perfect, we all struggle and sometimes wander off our chosen path. SR is here to offer support in getting back on track and continuing on with the path of sobriety. I hope you feel better today.
BernieE is offline  
Old 01-02-2015, 05:40 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
Hawkeye13's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,371
I have been sober since joining this site, and with only a brief "relapse" before that for a total of 31/2 years sober.
I joined because of my relapse and found it very helpful as I don't use "face support" in my daily life.

Many here on this site have been sober much much longer than me.

Reading here helps me learn about the disease, relate to the trials and successes of others, and to support those who are having a tough day or cravings.

This is a great "tool" in my recovery toolbox and it can be for you too.

Good to see you back and I want to encourage you to never give up trying to quit.
You haven't failed until then. Each Day 1 can teach you something, and helping
other people with your support really helps you too
Hawkeye13 is offline  
Old 01-02-2015, 05:42 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
sprout50's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 819
Cecilia, I understand what you are saying. People tend to respond more to relapse threads or threads where someone is having great difficulty so these threads float to the top of the list and sometimes success threads fall to the bottom. Of course, this happens because people are responding to someone in crises-as it should be. Also, this is the newcomers board where people who are new to sobriety come to learn how to start a sober life.

For now, look for the success posts and post your own threads. When you post your own thread, you can have conversation that is tailored to your needs right now. It will help you to put your sobriety in the fore front and not focus on any success rate other than your own.

It may seem like there is a high relapse rate here but there are people here who have gotten sober and stayed sober using SR. I found this site in August and now have almost 5 months sobriety. It has been a life line for me. It all depends on how you use it. And anytime you want to talk, you can pm me.
sprout50 is offline  
Old 01-02-2015, 05:51 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,326
I always find inspiration here. When I first arrived, I was careful to follow people who had a reasonable amount of sober time. I was inspired and I learned a lot. Of course there are people who are struggling and repeating Day 1's, but to me, that's inspirational too. I will not go back there.

Cecilia, I suggest you check out the Women's Forum and, in particular, the Girl Power thread. This is an ongoing thread of sharing, caring and inspiration from a group of wonderful women.
Anna is online now  
Old 01-02-2015, 05:55 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: South
Posts: 226
I rarely do it this way, but here goes: I've only had one day one. I quit three thanksgivings ago, at 2:30 in the morning and never looked back. I love every single day sober - I run better, I eat better, I work better, I spend better. my wife and I have better intimate relations, I enjoy movies better, I play with my kids better. Depressing? Not for me.

I read this site between once and twice each day. Every post helps, even those about relapse. The community isn't here to just tell us the good, but also to warn us about the bad. I for one take every relapse as a gift. I know nobody carries our cross, but reading about the guilt and sorrow after falling gives me that extra tid bit to ensure I don't want to experience the same. In a very loving sort of way, I sometimes feel like those who relapse do it so I don't have to - kind of like dying on my behalf to forgive my sins. They do it for me. Some may think it narcissistic or egotistical to think the way I do, but I know that we are a family, we help each other, and we each share with some hope that it might help the next drunk. This drunk for one p, has never felt depression from this site, only hope - in the good and the bad.
DrunkTx is offline  
Old 01-02-2015, 06:13 AM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Trudgin
 
Fly N Buy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Sponsor told me early on - Listen to the guy who relapses.

Much to be learned from those who struggle.
Perhaps some f2f support may help you as well as SR - That can be inspirational

Good news is it is possible!
I started on here with just a few week sobriety - I am now at 208 days of continuous undrinking>

I find now that helping others on the newcomers forum helps me stay focused.
However, I understand how you feel. What I found helpful from SR is NOT just the NC forum but all the other gems in the mine on DIFFERENT threads.

I will play some word games, read some inspirational threads, digest stories of recovery, check out friends and family (helps remind me of what wreckage I caused),
send some friend requests - post visitor message to others ( get outside myself), read really old threads from those who have come before, visit the 12 steps forum etc.

On NYE I read the front page and linked to some sober drinks. Ended up making a hybrid of Cranberry, ginger ale, club soda, lime juice and white grape juice. It was awesome!

I also learned how to use the ignore button for those members who seem really harsh - That's on me though - I am still evolving and some have been removed and actually become friends.

The point is find a way to take what works, engage on different levels and just don't drink.

No one here can make you drink or make you sober. We all must take ownership of our own sobriety. Again, maybe consider face to face options as well as SR. It's been a one - two punch that has gotten me to the longest run of sobriety in over 30 years......

Glad you're here - Keep posting!
Willingness to change, a plan of action and the acceptance we simply cannot drink like normies are the roots of sobriety. We must water them daily, however

Kind Regards,
FlyN
Fly N Buy is offline  
Old 01-02-2015, 06:43 AM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Hi there!

SR is just ONE tool I use to maintain my sobriety. I also use AA. They really help! The thing I have to remember is that no one has a "magic" answer or solution to staying sober. AA and SR will not "keep" me sober. I have to do the work and use the tools on a daily basis.

That being said, I find the stories of relapse to be helpful to my own sobriety. After I read them it sure doesn't make me want to go out and drink! The stories are always the same...miserable. :-(

My OWN relapse last year after 5.5 years of sobriety has helped me stay sober this time. I believe I relapsed because I stopped going to AA, SR etc and forgot "what" I was. I stopped doing the work to stay sober. I forgot I can't drink in moderation. This site helps me to remember why I don't want to drink today.

Good luck to you. Today can be the first day of the rest of your life!
Serenidad is offline  
Old 01-02-2015, 06:44 AM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Hi there!

SR is just ONE tool I use to maintain my sobriety. I also use AA. They really help! The thing I have to remember is that no one has a "magic" answer or solution to staying sober. AA and SR will not "keep" me sober. I have to do the work and use the tools on a daily basis.

That being said, I find the stories of relapse to be helpful to my own sobriety. After I read them it sure doesn't make me want to go out and drink! The stories are always the same...miserable. :-(

My OWN relapse last year after 5.5 years of sobriety has helped me stay sober this time. I believe I relapsed because I stopped going to AA, SR etc and forgot "what" I was. I stopped doing the work to stay sober. I forgot I can't drink in moderation. This site helps me to remember why I don't want to drink today.

Good luck to you. Today can be the first day of the rest of your life!
Serenidad is offline  
Old 01-02-2015, 06:46 AM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Sorry about the double post. This site has been acting up for a while now. :-/
Serenidad is offline  
Old 01-02-2015, 06:48 AM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Member
 
TiredEnough's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,375
Ive never found it depressing but sometimes pretty frustrating over in the Substance Abuse section.
TiredEnough is offline  
Old 01-02-2015, 06:49 AM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Member
 
ubntubnt's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
hi Cecilia, maybe look at it a different way. There are many, many inspirational people and stories here and many depressing ones also. The site, like most things in life is what you make of it. Maybe try making it an active part of your recovery.....not just some light entertainment to dip in or out of when you can be bothered. Get to know some of the posters, look for those that seem to face similar issues or find themselves n a similar position in life as yourself, reach out to people and try to help. Learn from people and feel the emotion both good and bad. Learn to give to and take from the site. I suspect if you do this you will feel that the site can be a significant part of your recovery and that you will become a more humble and caring person because of it. As I said though, you will only get out of it what you put into it. Welcome back and I look forward to seeing you hang out here a little more.....
ubntubnt is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:33 AM.