Where to go from here?
Don't Blink
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 342
Where to go from here?
So I'll have a whole 30 days sober tomorrow. I'm amazed that I've done it but I know that I couldn't have without help from AA, AVRT, and of course you lovely people here on SR.
I'm not really sure where this post is going but I just feel so overwhelmed right now I have to get some of it out.
I'm still angry. I'm still sad. I'm still scared and at times I just want to break down and cry, and I have a few times. I am so BAD at dealing with life. I'm not good at expressing myself. I feel so cut off from people. I'm so awkward its sad... and I'm lonely.
Is life better than it was? Absolutely.
Have I learned how to appreciate that? Like really be grateful for anything at all? Nope.
Its still all about ME
How I feel
What I want
What I need
And eff the whole effing world when it doesn't go my way.
Sobriety wasn't just going to be handed to me. I understand that now. I've had to struggle through tough days. I guess that's true for this too. Happiness isn't just going to be handed to me on a silver platter. I'm going to have to work on that too right?
Where do I go from here??
Step one: quit drinking. (check)
Step two: (???????)
I'm not really sure where this post is going but I just feel so overwhelmed right now I have to get some of it out.
I'm still angry. I'm still sad. I'm still scared and at times I just want to break down and cry, and I have a few times. I am so BAD at dealing with life. I'm not good at expressing myself. I feel so cut off from people. I'm so awkward its sad... and I'm lonely.
Is life better than it was? Absolutely.
Have I learned how to appreciate that? Like really be grateful for anything at all? Nope.
Its still all about ME
How I feel
What I want
What I need
And eff the whole effing world when it doesn't go my way.
Sobriety wasn't just going to be handed to me. I understand that now. I've had to struggle through tough days. I guess that's true for this too. Happiness isn't just going to be handed to me on a silver platter. I'm going to have to work on that too right?
Where do I go from here??
Step one: quit drinking. (check)
Step two: (???????)
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 6,666
Hey erin hows it going. Congrats on the 30 days.
I understand what your going through. But you are right, looks like your gonna have to work at it.
Did you ever hear this one…
"A man said to the Buddha, "I want Happiness."
Buddha said, first remove "I", that's ego,
then remove "want", that's desire.
See now you are left with only Happiness."
There'e a lot of wisdom in that. It takes time I know...
I understand what your going through. But you are right, looks like your gonna have to work at it.
Did you ever hear this one…
"A man said to the Buddha, "I want Happiness."
Buddha said, first remove "I", that's ego,
then remove "want", that's desire.
See now you are left with only Happiness."
There'e a lot of wisdom in that. It takes time I know...
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,359
I dunno about you erin but I spent nearly 30 years being drunk or stoned.
30 days is great but don;t go thinking you should have it all sorted by now..I was exactly where you are at 30 days.
It;s like a baby learning to walk - fortunately our learning curve is a little quicker than a baby;'s tho - I'm pretty confident you'll see a lot of improvement over the next one or two months, like I did
You're right where you need to be, erin
People have lived whole lives trying to work that out.
It's a great goal, but for year one I was just content with being sober and generally happy about that...
Keep doing what you're doing...a lot of things will fall into place, and your perceptions will clear about other things.
you're doing ok erin
D
30 days is great but don;t go thinking you should have it all sorted by now..I was exactly where you are at 30 days.
It;s like a baby learning to walk - fortunately our learning curve is a little quicker than a baby;'s tho - I'm pretty confident you'll see a lot of improvement over the next one or two months, like I did
You're right where you need to be, erin
How do you get rid of ego and desire?
It's a great goal, but for year one I was just content with being sober and generally happy about that...
Keep doing what you're doing...a lot of things will fall into place, and your perceptions will clear about other things.
you're doing ok erin
D
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,476
Hi Erin
Maybe have a think about what method of recovery is for you.
Just don't drink No matter what and fight that voice?
Just go to AA meetings and just don't drink and hope for the best?
Go for the actual AA recovery program / steps and have the drinking problem and thoughts taken away? (no having to fight off the voices)
It's up to you.
Personally I have gone option C.
Highly recommended
Maybe have a think about what method of recovery is for you.
Just don't drink No matter what and fight that voice?
Just go to AA meetings and just don't drink and hope for the best?
Go for the actual AA recovery program / steps and have the drinking problem and thoughts taken away? (no having to fight off the voices)
It's up to you.
Personally I have gone option C.
Highly recommended
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 169
Hey Erin, big-time congrats on your 30 days !!! especially during this crazy time of year. You mentioned AA. I have cobbled together just over 60 days now, and my plan for 2015 is to work the 12 steps. I know they work and that the fellowships promises do fulfill, from a prior 12 year stint of pretty darn good sobriety. We deserve to be happy Joyous and Free as the Big Book says somewhere I think. I'll be happy with 2 of 3 this year :-). Hang in there, you/we are doing great !!! Peace-out, MJM
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 6,666
Originally Posted by erin8 
How do you get rid of ego and desire?
The gratitude thing is a good place to start, I have only started recently.
There is a morning and nighttime gratitude thread on here, I try to write something in each of those for the past week, its already helping me.
You haven't been in recovery for that long so don't stress so much. It will all happen in time. Deffo though the gratitude thing is somewhere to start, even once a day. It just makes you force out a positive though, instead of all the negatives. Pretty soon they will start to flow, bit like anything else practice makes perfect. Thats what I think anyway x
Don't Blink
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 342
Thank you Dee.
It;s like a baby learning to walk - fortunately our learning curve is a little quicker than a baby;'s tho - I'm pretty confident you'll see a lot of improvement over the next one or two months, like I did
You're right where you need to be, erin
You're right where you need to be, erin
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Hang in there and congrats on 30 days tomorrow! You said you were in AA but are you working the 12 steps with a sponsor?
The 12-step Promises:
• If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.
• We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
• We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
• We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
• No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
• That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
• We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
• Self-seeking will slip away.
• Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
• Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
• We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
• We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
• Are these extravagant promises? We think not.
• They are being fulfilled among us-sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.
• They will always materialize if we work for them.
The 12-step Promises:
• If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.
• We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
• We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
• We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
• No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
• That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
• We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
• Self-seeking will slip away.
• Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
• Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
• We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
• We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
• Are these extravagant promises? We think not.
• They are being fulfilled among us-sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.
• They will always materialize if we work for them.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
At 30 days I was just putting one foot in front of the other. My only goal each day was to not drink any alcohol. Each day I did that was a victory for me.
I felt like a zombie at 30 days. I was going to work, going through the motions, and not drinking but I felt empty and pretty angry quite often.
It's great to read people's stories on here who have 10 days alcohol-free and feel like a million bucks but that is not everyone. Wasn't me, no ma'am.
I was physically damaged from my drinking, brain and body. I hope this doesn't discourage you, but I wasn't really feeling great until probably three months. I would have been a perfect case study for PAWS. At six months I feel pretty centered.
You'll get there!
I felt like a zombie at 30 days. I was going to work, going through the motions, and not drinking but I felt empty and pretty angry quite often.
It's great to read people's stories on here who have 10 days alcohol-free and feel like a million bucks but that is not everyone. Wasn't me, no ma'am.
I was physically damaged from my drinking, brain and body. I hope this doesn't discourage you, but I wasn't really feeling great until probably three months. I would have been a perfect case study for PAWS. At six months I feel pretty centered.
You'll get there!
Life is an unlikely miracle.
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: England
Posts: 1,859
30 days is awesome, erin 
Think everyone else has said everything.
You 're doing great, things will improve slowly . I'm coming up to three months and just about starting to feel a bit better. Had a big emotional roller coaster first though.
Be kind to yourself, you're doing great Xx
Think everyone else has said everything.
You 're doing great, things will improve slowly . I'm coming up to three months and just about starting to feel a bit better. Had a big emotional roller coaster first though.
Be kind to yourself, you're doing great Xx
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