weezer77

My exah has a job interview next week that will move him 30 miles away. He is currently 4 hrs away. He has a girlfriend and "says" he wants to work things out with me. So far he has NOT gone back to mtgs and obviously has his own life with someone else. He has been asking my advice about this job and has asked for a small favor. I agreed to do the favor, its no big deal. My problem is that I am continuing to allow myself to get involved emotionally again by him. I recognize it and need to step back. Im struggling though because I find myself having hope that he will get this job, move and do what he should do. I'm dreaming I guess. I'm so upset about him having this pointless relationship with this person as he brings my kids around her. And he is trying to move here. I feel all out of control. Just looking for supportive words that I am not crazy or stupid...just a little lost.

weezer77

My point to my carrying was...am I right by saying that his job, his life now is not my business and I should stay out. I allow him to hook me in. I should not have ever allowed it to begin with.

Eauchiche

You know, we hear about infidelity of this sort all the time. I would be interested to learn the stats about how many of these guys are addicts.

I certainly understand your concern about him moving back closer. You sound like you have figured things out pretty well. I doubt his proximity will matter much in the long run. You are in the driver's seat as to how much you're involved. Good luck!

iamthird

I understand. My separated AH has a live in enabling gf too yet he is always professing his love for me and crossing the line. I finally had to force myself to maintain boundaries because it messed with my head and emotions.

He may love you. I know my separated AH loves me. He just loves alcohol more. It is not about the girl. It is about anything that supports his addiction and I dont. Until his actions are aligned with his words, I would stay clear. Protect your heart. You are valuable.

hopeful4

[QUOTE=weezer77;5110666]. He has a girlfriend and "says" he wants to work things out with me. So far he has NOT gone back to mtgs and obviously has his own life with someone else. QUOTE]

And you think you are the crazy one? Honey, you need to put the focus you are putting on him back on you and your children. Let him figure his own path. He is making the choices he is going to make. It's not ok for you to sit in the wings while he makes decisions. You have a life to live, move forward and live it.

Tight Hugs.

Hangnbyathread

You need to let him go. There are about 8 Red Flags waving so hard right now, this shouldn't be a decision you are struggling with.

And Eauchiche, I think you are on to it. Immoral behaviors all seem to travel together in pretty close pathways. Not sure if alcohol feeds into promiscuity or promiscuity feeds into alcohol, but I don't hear of many stories where when you see one misgiving, you don't learn its just the tip of the ice burg.

marie1960

He has a girlfriend, yet he want to work things out with you?

Why, why, why are you entertaining his meaningless words?

He is your ex for a reason. Right?

He will take you down that deep black hole if you allow it.

Touch that fire, and it will burn just as hard as it did the first time.

Peace.