Nice to Meet you All
Sober Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Lancashire
Posts: 170
Nice to Meet you All
Hi
I would like to introduce myself, I am using the username Lancashire, I was born here, brought up here and have pretty much lived all my life here.
I have been brought to this support forum because as of this morning, I have vowed to my Wife, that I will never drink again. My marriage is on the line and by consequence my life and future happiness.
I started drinking alcohol when I was 17 years old and really took to it. I drank often and hard, for a year, then I met a girl. She was a Muslim and I sure was in love.
Being young and influenced easily, I converted to Islam, in order that we could get married, we set a date, met the parents and then two weeks before the wedding date, she pulls out saying she couldnt go through with it.
I moved away and seeing no further need to remain as muslim, I renounced it and came back to Christ as a Christian and have been ever since.
While I was a Muslim, I didn't drink, but when I was back to my old self and little wiser, I started drinking occasionally until I was 23 and went to University. (I took a few years to get my A'levels because I am not all that smart).
At University, I drank very hard, whole days are missing from my memory, met another girl, we were together for 8 years before I popped the question and we got married and still are. Now 14 years together with a 5 year old Son.
I drank every night in secret, I cant tell you why, it was just something I did, I hid the empties in the bottom of the recycling and practiced and mastered the art of appearing sober, when I was blind drunk.
I have never been abusive or an angry to anyone, I don't drink and drive, just liked my own company.
Last week we were in London for the Holidays and we had a club room where from 5:30 to 8pm drinks were free. (Wines and Beers).
My Wife saw me drink 4 bottles of red wine in around 2 hours and pulled me up on it. We got into an argument, I apologised and we moved on.
The next day, I was on beer and tried to moderate myself. It was agony, I just wanted more, in the end when she had gone to bed, I made up an excuse to go and check on the car and drank 6 pints of beer enroute. I didn't clear the slate, so when we checked out, my bill had the drinks on. 5 hours driving back to Lancashire, I got both barrels of silent treatment and accused of being an alcoholic.
The on New Years Eve, we celebrated with a bottle of Champagne, it was torture trying to control myself, when she went to bed, I drank 4 cans of beers and a bottle of red wine. I got so drunk, I forgot to clean the glass and she caught me this morning. What a start to the new year, hangover from hell and Wife yelling at me.
I got the silent treatment and a bent ear and she was google divorce solicitors. I knew I had to act fast, so I tried to apologise. It didnt work so I googled "Once I start drinking I cant stop" and found a tonne information about alcohol abuse.
I showed it to her, she was none to impressed and then I said, what if I abstained from alcohol forever, its the only thing we ever fight about. While I was saying this she said promise me, you will and we shall let your actions speak for you. It was then that I realised this is it, I am on my last chance.
Either I stop drinking forever or I am going to be alone and can drink myself to death.
I have been reading a lot of posts about AA and I would rather not pursue those channels, I am committed to going cold turkey and get as much information as possible from the forum.
I do not generally get cravings, my main issue is I am a binge drinker, once I start, I find it impossible to stop. Where as like tonight, I haven't had a drink, I haven't craved for one or been affected in any way.
My drinking problems come with when I drink that one, it generally going pretty sour after. So my plan to stop forever is based on simply not having that one drink.
Sorry to ramble on, very nice to meet you all.
I would like to introduce myself, I am using the username Lancashire, I was born here, brought up here and have pretty much lived all my life here.
I have been brought to this support forum because as of this morning, I have vowed to my Wife, that I will never drink again. My marriage is on the line and by consequence my life and future happiness.
I started drinking alcohol when I was 17 years old and really took to it. I drank often and hard, for a year, then I met a girl. She was a Muslim and I sure was in love.
Being young and influenced easily, I converted to Islam, in order that we could get married, we set a date, met the parents and then two weeks before the wedding date, she pulls out saying she couldnt go through with it.
I moved away and seeing no further need to remain as muslim, I renounced it and came back to Christ as a Christian and have been ever since.
While I was a Muslim, I didn't drink, but when I was back to my old self and little wiser, I started drinking occasionally until I was 23 and went to University. (I took a few years to get my A'levels because I am not all that smart).
At University, I drank very hard, whole days are missing from my memory, met another girl, we were together for 8 years before I popped the question and we got married and still are. Now 14 years together with a 5 year old Son.
I drank every night in secret, I cant tell you why, it was just something I did, I hid the empties in the bottom of the recycling and practiced and mastered the art of appearing sober, when I was blind drunk.
I have never been abusive or an angry to anyone, I don't drink and drive, just liked my own company.
Last week we were in London for the Holidays and we had a club room where from 5:30 to 8pm drinks were free. (Wines and Beers).
My Wife saw me drink 4 bottles of red wine in around 2 hours and pulled me up on it. We got into an argument, I apologised and we moved on.
The next day, I was on beer and tried to moderate myself. It was agony, I just wanted more, in the end when she had gone to bed, I made up an excuse to go and check on the car and drank 6 pints of beer enroute. I didn't clear the slate, so when we checked out, my bill had the drinks on. 5 hours driving back to Lancashire, I got both barrels of silent treatment and accused of being an alcoholic.
The on New Years Eve, we celebrated with a bottle of Champagne, it was torture trying to control myself, when she went to bed, I drank 4 cans of beers and a bottle of red wine. I got so drunk, I forgot to clean the glass and she caught me this morning. What a start to the new year, hangover from hell and Wife yelling at me.
I got the silent treatment and a bent ear and she was google divorce solicitors. I knew I had to act fast, so I tried to apologise. It didnt work so I googled "Once I start drinking I cant stop" and found a tonne information about alcohol abuse.
I showed it to her, she was none to impressed and then I said, what if I abstained from alcohol forever, its the only thing we ever fight about. While I was saying this she said promise me, you will and we shall let your actions speak for you. It was then that I realised this is it, I am on my last chance.
Either I stop drinking forever or I am going to be alone and can drink myself to death.
I have been reading a lot of posts about AA and I would rather not pursue those channels, I am committed to going cold turkey and get as much information as possible from the forum.
I do not generally get cravings, my main issue is I am a binge drinker, once I start, I find it impossible to stop. Where as like tonight, I haven't had a drink, I haven't craved for one or been affected in any way.
My drinking problems come with when I drink that one, it generally going pretty sour after. So my plan to stop forever is based on simply not having that one drink.
Sorry to ramble on, very nice to meet you all.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: South
Posts: 226
Every man needs a good strong lady or partner as the case may be. Sounds like you have a great one, so don't let her get away. That said, if you remain sober,it has to be for you and no one else. Obviously the desire and need to keep your wife is for you, so by extension I get it. But don't pin sobriety on your wife, you have to want to stop.
I found that total honesty and open communication with my wife did the trick. She is your partner, so involving her in your walk of sobriety can only help, but again, this has to be for you.
Best of luck
I found that total honesty and open communication with my wife did the trick. She is your partner, so involving her in your walk of sobriety can only help, but again, this has to be for you.
Best of luck
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 380
Hi there. I had a similar situation. I feel and act so much better sober. I have nothing to feel guilty about. Make sure you have a plan if and when you feel like drinking again. I found reading here has helped me tremendously. Good luck to you. You CAN do it.
Sober Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Lancashire
Posts: 170
Hi DrunkTx,
I am slowly realising your point. I got into this to save my marriage. I have to take this seriously and do it for myself too as well as for the sake of my family, then I will have the added benefit of my health, wealth and future happiness.
If I was just doing this for myself and only myself, I think the journey would be a very difficult one. I quit smoking in 2010 on New Years Day, because of my Son, I didnt want him to grow up as I did in a smoke filled house.
Now I have to pull the same trick twice and quit drinking for my Wife and Son, so I dont lose them, due to my own stupidity.
I am slowly realising your point. I got into this to save my marriage. I have to take this seriously and do it for myself too as well as for the sake of my family, then I will have the added benefit of my health, wealth and future happiness.
If I was just doing this for myself and only myself, I think the journey would be a very difficult one. I quit smoking in 2010 on New Years Day, because of my Son, I didnt want him to grow up as I did in a smoke filled house.
Now I have to pull the same trick twice and quit drinking for my Wife and Son, so I dont lose them, due to my own stupidity.
Sober Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Lancashire
Posts: 170
Originally Posted by cardoon 
Hi there. I had a similar situation. I feel and act so much better sober. I have nothing to feel guilty about. Make sure you have a plan if and when you feel like drinking again. I found reading here has helped me tremendously. Good luck to you. You CAN do it.
I think I may be a little different to that. I cannot moderate for toffee. It is far easier just not to drink at all, then to painfully (pull the plaster off) moderate it.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,322
Welcome, Lancashire. What you said about it being easier to just not drink vs. moderating has been true for me. There is still a part of me that thinks, hey, I could moderate--just had that thought a few weeks ago--but I know, logically, that isn't true.
What has been key for me is to not just stop drinking but also to take better care of myself--I think that has always been my missing piece!
What has been key for me is to not just stop drinking but also to take better care of myself--I think that has always been my missing piece!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Chattanooga TN
Posts: 596
Hi Lancashire and welcome! This forum can and will be your crutch while you make this change. I offer my support on your decision and it seems you have every reason on earth to want to live a better life. These people here saved my life, and I offer my help as well.
You quit smoking!?! Next on my list
You are strong, just believe that and know you are not alone in this struggle.
You quit smoking!?! Next on my list
You are strong, just believe that and know you are not alone in this struggle.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,463
Welcome, Lancashire, I'm glad you found us.
As others have said, I understand that you want/need to do this to save your marriage. But, it's hard and ultimately, you need to do it for yourself. We're here to offer support.
As others have said, I understand that you want/need to do this to save your marriage. But, it's hard and ultimately, you need to do it for yourself. We're here to offer support.
Sober Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Lancashire
Posts: 170
Originally Posted by matilda123
Welcome, Lancashire. What you said about it being easier to just not drink vs. moderating has been true for me. There is still a part of me that thinks, hey, I could moderate--just had that thought a few weeks ago--but I know, logically, that isn't true.
What has been key for me is to not just stop drinking but also to take better care of myself--I think that has always been my missing piece!
What has been key for me is to not just stop drinking but also to take better care of myself--I think that has always been my missing piece!
I find moderating alcohol intake to be a real painful struggle. I can't just drink a glass of wine and thats it, the urges and physical lust for more is far more that I can bear. While when I am sober, I rarely think about having a drink, its just a habit, that I can drop.
It is very refreshing to see and hear so many people feeling so positive about being sober.
Ya**!
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Canada! wtf eh?
Posts: 1,123
Welcome to our community Lancashire!
I had a good laugh at "I got both barrels of silent treatment", was worded funny.
You're amongst friends with similar goals now, I hope you stay around with us!
I had a good laugh at "I got both barrels of silent treatment", was worded funny.
You're amongst friends with similar goals now, I hope you stay around with us!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: South
Posts: 226
Speaking of laughs, took me a second when you said pull the plaster off. I think in the US, it would be tear the bandaid off. While we struggle with booze, doesn't hurt to get a cultural chuckle every now and then. Alas, for the avoidance of doubt, I defer to the Queens English when choosing which is right!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Ga
Posts: 1,511
Welcome to SR! Gosh my drinking pattern was very much like yours. In also hid it from my spouse and it caused us lots or fights. All of the fights stopped though when I quit. Stay close here. Read and post and post and read. So glad you are here!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,519
Glad to meet you Lancashire!
I'm happy you want to reclaim your life. I found myself in danger every time I took a sip. I never knew where it would lead. I used alcohol to cope with things - but instead of just taking the edge off, I ended up numb & foggy most of the time. It had completely taken over my life when I finally came here. I found the courage to stop and I haven't looked back. We know you can do it.
I'm happy you want to reclaim your life. I found myself in danger every time I took a sip. I never knew where it would lead. I used alcohol to cope with things - but instead of just taking the edge off, I ended up numb & foggy most of the time. It had completely taken over my life when I finally came here. I found the courage to stop and I haven't looked back. We know you can do it.
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