Im not me
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: uk
Posts: 82
Im not me
Hi all,
I never really thought of myself having a problem with drink, but as i was surfing the interet and stumbled accross this site, i think i do!
I only drink when im with friends which is 2 or 3 times a week, but i cannot stop at 1 or 2, its like it has to be all or nothing with me, i cant say the amount of times i have popped into a friends after work for a coffee, if she offers me 1 glass if wine, thats it im on it all night, the car gets left at her house and my hubby gets a text to sort the kids out cos im not coming home till the early hours, i feel really bad about it the next day but cant help myself.
My hubby doesnt drink or go out so he doesnt get why i like to go out and drink.
The thing is, all of my friends are the same, we all drink together and go way overboard when we do, if i stopped drinking, i dont think i would have a social life anymore.
Im 36 now and it take more and more to get me drunk but what worries me the most is i cant remember what ive said or have argued so many times with my friends, the next day i just feel anxiuos that ive said something about someone which i probably dont even mean.
Like monday, i got very drunk, we were going on holiday tuesday but we couldnt go till late cos of me, god knows what i was talking about, then last night i did it again and this morning my friends husband said u talk a load of crap u do, i wanted the floor to open then he reminded me that i was talking aboit my other friends, i feel so bad now, does anyone else feel like this?
I also act like this when im out with work, only last week a work friend said she spent the night following me apologising to people for me, what is wrong with me??? I hate myself, i say no more but then do it all over again
I never really thought of myself having a problem with drink, but as i was surfing the interet and stumbled accross this site, i think i do!
I only drink when im with friends which is 2 or 3 times a week, but i cannot stop at 1 or 2, its like it has to be all or nothing with me, i cant say the amount of times i have popped into a friends after work for a coffee, if she offers me 1 glass if wine, thats it im on it all night, the car gets left at her house and my hubby gets a text to sort the kids out cos im not coming home till the early hours, i feel really bad about it the next day but cant help myself.
My hubby doesnt drink or go out so he doesnt get why i like to go out and drink.
The thing is, all of my friends are the same, we all drink together and go way overboard when we do, if i stopped drinking, i dont think i would have a social life anymore.
Im 36 now and it take more and more to get me drunk but what worries me the most is i cant remember what ive said or have argued so many times with my friends, the next day i just feel anxiuos that ive said something about someone which i probably dont even mean.
Like monday, i got very drunk, we were going on holiday tuesday but we couldnt go till late cos of me, god knows what i was talking about, then last night i did it again and this morning my friends husband said u talk a load of crap u do, i wanted the floor to open then he reminded me that i was talking aboit my other friends, i feel so bad now, does anyone else feel like this?
I also act like this when im out with work, only last week a work friend said she spent the night following me apologising to people for me, what is wrong with me??? I hate myself, i say no more but then do it all over again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: uk
Posts: 82
I feel that i am at that point but its seems very daunting to think what my life will be like, i know doesnt make sense because i will be calmer and more relaxed, but i dont know how to go out and not drink, my saturday nights are sitting in a house with my friends till about 3 drinking, do i not go out? Sorry i know i sound like i dont want to give up but i do, just feel like i will be giving up more than the drink and that scares me
Hillbilly Girl
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: In my Garden
Posts: 3,953
Glad your here Getagrip - much support & understanding here, you are among friends. By giving up going out and drinking with friends, you will gain something new & wonderful that you will NEVER regret
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,355
Sounds like it might be a good idea to plan stuff to do with your husband and family on a Saturday night instead of going out with your friends and drinking. Game night, movie night, going out to dinner, ice skating, etc... It might be a good idea to try and reconnect with them on a weekend night instead of going out with your friends. What does your husband do with the kids on a Sat night when you are out? Maybe try and come up with ideas with him that you can all do together. And maybe try and come up with something to do Sunday morning (going out to breakfast, making breakfast at home...) that might distract you from wanting to drink until late...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: uk
Posts: 82
Thank you all, your support will be a big help to me :-)
My kids are 15 and 16 so pretty much do their own thing and the hubby just stays in and watches tv, i know i really frustrate him because all of sunday i lounge in bed doing nothing while he cooks and cleans. Family night sounds a good idea
My kids are 15 and 16 so pretty much do their own thing and the hubby just stays in and watches tv, i know i really frustrate him because all of sunday i lounge in bed doing nothing while he cooks and cleans. Family night sounds a good idea
Hillbilly Girl
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: In my Garden
Posts: 3,953
Just wanted to share a link with you that might be helpful...each month there is a class started for those wanting support in not drinking - these classes have been extremely helpful to me......
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...hlight=january
I bet they would love a family night with you
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...hlight=january
I bet they would love a family night with you
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,785
Getagrip, I've been where you're at. If you continue, it's going to get worse in terms of the embarrassment.
I would recommend doing something different with your friends. Can you go out to breakfast, out for coffee, for a hike or out for donuts? Just because you don't drink doesn't mean you can't still go out and be social. There are other ways to enjoy friendship and be social.
I would recommend doing something different with your friends. Can you go out to breakfast, out for coffee, for a hike or out for donuts? Just because you don't drink doesn't mean you can't still go out and be social. There are other ways to enjoy friendship and be social.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Washington, MO
Posts: 2,306
You're not giving up anything other than the "license to do what I want". Couple that with the inability to stop once started and you got ME--a recipe for disaster. We erode everything solid with continued use. I still have a lot of angst from not knowing everything I've done over the influence at almost 7 months. I'm sure it will subside with time but it's real. That secure feeling an ostrich gets by sticking it's head in a hole to avoid danger? That's me too with the booze. So far I'm above ground and don't owe too much but I'll be cleaning up for awhile. Every step is a good one sober. Congrats on making the best decision of your life!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Deep in the heart of Texas
Posts: 1,736
Welcome to our family. Keep looking around & keep asking questions of yourself - you're on the right track. You'll find tons of support/advice/friendship here but you'll have to do the work yourself if you want to get & remain sober. The good news is that it's possible & oh so freeing when you do. As far as your social life/circle, a whole new world will open up to you - one you can't even imagine while continuing to drink.
Good luck and once again, welcome!
Good luck and once again, welcome!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: uk
Posts: 82
Thanks guys, the shame i feel is getting more and more often, so yes i agree its only goinh to get worse, i have done some really bad things while drunk that i wouldnt dream of doing sober. I wish my friends would do something different at a weekend but i know they wouldnt want to, they love the drinking sessions. Ive tried before to suggest other things to do. Its just me, i gulp it back as if someone is gonna take it off me, drink anything going, then spend all the next day drained and feeling like crap
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: DFW area, Texas
Posts: 521
Welcome to SR! I think we all have had our breaking points...mine was ending up in the ER due to dehydration and possible other medical issues related to so much drinking. That was 82 days ago and I'm so happy to be sober and recovering!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by Getagrip 
I feel that i am at that point but its seems very daunting to think what my life will be like, i know doesnt make sense because i will be calmer and more relaxed, but i dont know how to go out and not drink, my saturday nights are sitting in a house with my friends till about 3 drinking, do i not go out? Sorry i know i sound like i dont want to give up but i do, just feel like i will be giving up more than the drink and that scares me
Turns out; my life is a zillion percent better.
Welcome.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
ooohh. That compulsion to drink "like someone's going to take it off me." That's going to lead you to ever-increasing consequences.
If your friends can't or won't understand you not drinking, then they aren't really friends, they're drinking buddies. Do they all drink like you do? I doubt it. This is a progressive thing. You will continue to do increasingly more risky things and suffer more consequences.
When do you want to stop digging?
If your friends can't or won't understand you not drinking, then they aren't really friends, they're drinking buddies. Do they all drink like you do? I doubt it. This is a progressive thing. You will continue to do increasingly more risky things and suffer more consequences.
When do you want to stop digging?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: uk
Posts: 82
congratulations to all of you who are on the right track, u are really doing great and its so nice of you all to take time to reply to me without judging and that you know exactly what i am going through at the moment.
Never really thought about it like that but yes they must just be drinking buddies, some i only speak to when we are drinking and 2 of them i am in contact with via text everyday but we only see each other those couple of times a week to drink. I did suggest a cinema night not long ago but they all let me down at the last minute and didnt want to go, said it was boring.
I think i need to re evalute my friends, i do have a friend that doesnt drink every week but my fault and have always put her off doing anything because then i was the one thinking it would be boring.
Never really thought about it like that but yes they must just be drinking buddies, some i only speak to when we are drinking and 2 of them i am in contact with via text everyday but we only see each other those couple of times a week to drink. I did suggest a cinema night not long ago but they all let me down at the last minute and didnt want to go, said it was boring.
I think i need to re evalute my friends, i do have a friend that doesnt drink every week but my fault and have always put her off doing anything because then i was the one thinking it would be boring.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
We tend to think everyone drinks like we do.
When I spent my time drinking, I looked for other people to be with to drink. When I stopped drinking I had to let those people go. If nothing changes, nothing changes.
Do you have interest in anything? Animals? Reading? Woodworking? Hiking? Learning to play an instrument? Geology? Find a class or a group or a volunteer position which includes that interest. Then the friendships will be about real things and real feelings, not the grandiose, delusional, judgmental, negative subjects that get discussed over a couple bottles of wine.
I had to let go of all my drinking friendships if they were not willing to do other things with me. It just lost its appeal.
When I spent my time drinking, I looked for other people to be with to drink. When I stopped drinking I had to let those people go. If nothing changes, nothing changes.
Do you have interest in anything? Animals? Reading? Woodworking? Hiking? Learning to play an instrument? Geology? Find a class or a group or a volunteer position which includes that interest. Then the friendships will be about real things and real feelings, not the grandiose, delusional, judgmental, negative subjects that get discussed over a couple bottles of wine.
I had to let go of all my drinking friendships if they were not willing to do other things with me. It just lost its appeal.
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