maia1234

So I am home alone feeling sorry for myself this new years eve. I just got a text from my xah. I have had no contact since christmas and I know that



no new contact means no new hurt.....

but he just sent me this text

Well I hope u have a great New Years. Wish I was w u as life is not so great as u said it would be. Hope ur 2015 and beyond is great. C u around. ;-(

This kills me. My daughter wants me not to be rude and respond.
what do i do?????

suki44883

Can't tell you what to do, but if it were me, I wouldn't respond. I also wouldn't share with my daughter texts from my alcoholic ex.

maia1234

Suki, I know, I know, I know. She saw me getting upset and asked.

Isn't it rude not to acknowledge him?

Eauchiche

Maia, you are a tower of strength for the rest of us.
I am sorry your ex hit a vulnerable place. From my vantage point, it looks like a whole lot of quacking, and an effort to ruin your holiday.

Just WHERE do these guys go to learn this stuff???!!!





"If I want drama, I will go to the moviehouse and eat popcorn. "

suki44883

I don't think it's rude at all. You divorced him for a reason.

He's baiting you. Don't take the bait.

Eauchiche

Maia, you are a tower of strength for the rest of us.
I am sorry your ex hit a vulnerable place. From my vantage point, it looks like a whole lot of quacking, and an effort to ruin your holiday.

Just WHERE do these guys go to learn this stuff???!!!





"If I want drama, I will go to the moviehouse and eat popcorn. "

dandylion

maia....OMG--he is pushing hard on your guilt buttons! And, it is working...?

I would bet my own children's milk money that he sent this message while intoxicated.
Alcoholics get drunk and ride the "victim" train frequently. He cries "victim";you feel guilt

Your daughter (I assume that he is not her biologic father?). If it were me---I would explain to her...."honey, he was drunk when he sent this. A person should never talk to a person when they are drunk..because they are n ot in a normal frame of mind.
(I would never share these message with her, ever, again. It she "accidently" saw it--I would just be more vigilant in the future.
I would then order a take-out meal and have a fun New Year's Eve night with her.
Play music--or do board game or watch something special on TV. Make noise at midnight--discuss her new year's resolutions---you get the picture.

You yourself--may I suggest a New Year's resolution that you resolve to do away with false guilt in the coming year...LOL!

dandylion

redatlanta

From your first post……

"Over the years he has spit in my face, lied to me, has had an "Inappropriate relationship", and has kicked and punched holes in our walls, besides breaking a locked door in half. He rages at me constantly, but has never hit me, and I don't think he ever would. He has been so out of control that I don't even know who he is anymore".

Rude? Nope.

i'm sorry he contacted you and upset you. Sometimes we have to remind ourselves why we aren't with certain people anymore. He needs to be reminded why. Silence says it the best.

maia1234

I know that is my problem, I am a fish and i take the bait all the time. I have never not responded as we are trying to be friends, and "be" there for each other. I hate this!!!

Eauchiche, Its a lot easier to see other peoples short comings then my own. You know what I am talking about as you love your partner too. You see how they just throw you a little piece of the bone and you jump and bite at it as quickly as you can.

I need to calm down!!

Impurrfect

maia - I get that you're trying to be friends, but honestly? Would a friend treat you the way he has? Sometimes, it's just not possible.

I get it, I tried to be friends with my ex's (yes, I'm a slow learner and have 3 XABF's). It never worked, because as I grew in my codie recovery, they didn't LIKE that part of me - they wanted someone they could control.

Rude? Absolutely not. "Being there" for a true friend doesn't mean we are wondering whether to respond or not. It doesn't involve a child who loves us worrying about our reaction.

Just my 2 cents, from an RA and recovering codie for almost 8 years.

Take care of you, sweetie, and go with your gut.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

maia1234

Dandylion, Yes I do have that "catholic" guilt about everything. Yes he is the father of my daughter and of course we all feel sorry for him. That's why i stayed 34 years!!! I need to move past this stupid little text. I need to be reminded like what Redatlanta just did!!

Redatlanta, I so NEEDED that!!! Yes, he is an angry, raging, long time addict. For some reason I love him and always feel sorry for him.

Ok, I promise I will not respond in anyway to him tonight!!

Thank you!!! I love Each and Everyone of you for your support. I know you are all right !!

Eauchiche

Hey again, Maia!
I was a late convert, and have never experience "Catholic" guilt.
Just turn him over to the care of God and Our Lady. They are already trying their best to help him...

F50Lurker

I am praying you will have the strength to turn your phone off!!! Please don't respond. I expect it will continue through the night.

Sikofit

Maia--you have been so strong to go through with leaving, getting a new house, etc this past year. Don't let his pathetic fishing message put you into a tailspin!! It's so whiny--"life is not so great as you said it would be." Waaah waaah for him! It's HIS actions that created this!

And even the way he signed it--"c u around"? This, from someone who should be apologizing for tearing your life up the way he has--yet he sounds like a distant pen pal or something!

No--you have come too far to let this send you back to a bad place! It's this stupid holiday which, basically, has just become an excuse for people to drink even more than usual.

Just know that you have inspired me, and I hate to see you blindsided by this. Stay strong!

NYCDoglvr

No, it's not. Although I'm sure he was never rude to you Suggest you count the ways until this sentimental urge passes (and it will).

Txdude229

Uggg, You're not alone. I wish I'd get a text from my ex ah bf....but I have new hope for the new year.

Be strong, be an example for your daughter, and rise! we,will be survive. No NYE kiss, but we will survive!

Txdude229

....I'm a sucker too. But my fellow family and friends, be still. Rise. And move forward!

MIRecovery

One of my favorite sayings " Not my circus not my monkeys."

lillamy

Treat it like a wrong number. Don't take the bait. It's not rude to ignore someone who's treated you like he treated you.

maia1234

You are all amazing people. Why can't all the a's in our lives see how awesome we all are. Here are few of my favorite comments you said to me........

I am sure he was never rude to you

Sounds like a distant pen pal, c u around

Would friends treat you the way he has

No nye kiss, but we will survive

Treat it like a wrong number

You divorced him for a reason

Sometimes we need to remind ourselves why we arent with certain people anymore

Thank you everyone. It was so hard not to respond immediately back to him and his pity party. But I didn't because of all your comments and suggestions. I don't know where I would be with out you. Plus you are all so funny!!!!!!

(((((((((((((((( hugs everyone)))))))))))))))))