Ann25

Yup-----I did it again!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday night I went to my usual meeting. A addict that Ive known since chilhood went up and got a white key tag--she had 18 months. I was shocked! She seemed so together. Well-I had rode to the meeting with a newcomer (making her feel welcome--trying to help) and I left with my "friend". I KNEW getting in that car was a risk. I was feeling like I wanted to get high for days and was sharing that in the meetings. Just that night I had many people telling me to hold on. Well-I did it and now Im paying the price. I threw away 60 days!!!(got 60 days Tuesday!) And let me tell you--IT SUCKED!!!!!!! NOTHING WAS DIFFERENT!!!!!I FELT LIKE A SCUMBAG--AGAIN!!!! Walking into that meeting last night was very hard for me!!!! People knew something was wrong when I walked in! And when I ever got up and got that white key tag---people almost fell off there chairs!!!!!! People who believed in me was saying--what happened--you were doing so good!
You had it! I cant believe it!!!
Well-I can believe it! I know better and I still CHOSE to go back.
But I am proud of myself for going to a meeting instead of wallowing in self pitty. Thats what I did all day yesterday-but I got my a** out of bed and faced the people that mean alot to me-my real friends.
I have to be honest--Im kinda glad that I got it out of my system. The obsession was driving me crazy!!!!! I hated every minute. I felt so sick--cried so much I looked like garfield.
So--Im here at day 2 (again) and I am grateful that I even have that. I might not of even made it back! So--if you are having those thoughts about using just to see........let me save you the trouble..It hasnt gotten any better!!!!!

ted

ANNIE, LOVE YOU,ted

Ann25

Love you too Ted!

Dan

Real scary puppies, those obsessive thoughts...
Now you've given yourself another lesson. That if you don't learn to recognize them and arrest them quick like, instead of letting them go on for days as you did this time, the chances are you end up where you shouldn't be, doing things you shouldn't do. We're addicts. Obsession is our game. It will kill us if we let it. The right circumstances to stay in the pit, or worse, can come into play without us ever realizing it.
Time for a big gratitude inventory Annie.
Welcome Back.

3legacy

((((((Ann)))))))
Inspiring dear lady. Sounds of silence as head, heart, and gut re-align. Physical, Mental/Emotion, & Spiritual alignment making you for a whole lot of Love.

Kiss Heart of Spirit and Welcome Home,

Three Legs

KelKel

Annie
Glad you are right back in the saddle. Believe me I know that it is not easy to get it together after a slip.
Sticky places can get us into trouble very easily, especially so soon in recovery...next time you will know and you can tell your addictive voice to take a hike to hell without you.

In memory of miracle

I have been where you are and its great that you went right back to a meeting . This disease never lets up . I always haveto be on guard against the thoughts. I am glad that you are back and am sendin prayers your way... Love Trish

phil

Hi Anne, My name is Phil an alcoholic. I know very well those tempting days, as Ive relapsed 3 times in the past 7 years. Only to find it harder to stop the next time around. I also Know of your temptation by example. Not too long ago I ran into a friend at a meeting I used to drink with. I thought he was sincere and being there he was trying to better himself by not drinking. He needed a ride so I gave him a ride as we used to live in the same apartment complex. Guess what next thing I know he wants to stop at a carryout to get cigs and here he comes out with a case of beer. and asked if I wanted 1. Lord was it tempting. But I did the next best thing I could do was simply tell him that I DONT DRINK! That stuff doesnt make it in my car and if you want it you may as well start walkin, Cause I dont want to look at it let alone smell it. He went off walkin! May sound mean, but this is serious to me. Serious enough that I have to Guard myself wherever and whenever possible. Him Takin a short walk was worth it considering my having a relapse and drinking again and all that accompanies it.


Theres going to be times where we find ourself in sticky situations. For me anymore I ask god everyday to guide me and help me stay sober today. Everyday I accomplished that Ive won that day. Promise yourself you will stay sober or not use. You will make it another day Just keep your promise! I know its not easy But it really is as simple as that.

People say willpower alone wont do it. Their right! however, we spend 23 hours a day outside of a meeting with temptation everywhere. Prepare yourself and guard against those situations. If that means new friends, or whatever. So be it! Remember your starting a new life. Those people wont do anything but help take you out.

Ive read on post where people say they have to go to a party where drinking is going on. Or dinner with drinking and their worried. 1 question I have for anyone who allows themself to be there is Who put you there? Then how can this be prevented? Answer those 2 questions and then ask yourself Do you wanna stay sober? You have to put yourself in the position to stay sober first.

I commend you and anyone who slips and gets right back on track. That means you sincere. Learn from this experience and move forward. Dont Hack on yesterday. Youve got today to worry about.Your gonna make it!

Your in my Prayers, Phil

peace2u

Hi Ann,
You're one courageous lady!

Chy

So you had to test the waters, try one last experiment, the important thing is you went right back to the meetings! That is fabulous!

Ann25

Thank You all so much! Getting right back into recovery was my only option, I have too much to lose--most of all myself! These past two months have been the best time of my life and Im not willing to lose that. Yesterday I felt like s**t--but today Im positive again and that is something to be proud of!
I know now that I cant put myself in those situations--I need to watch out for me--cuz nobody else will! My will DOES NOT work--I surrender completely-
I cant do this alone. So today I have a better perspective on my life--and I WILL follow my program to the best of my ability!
I love you all!
Ann

mnj1024

It seems to me anyone can not drink or get high if they dont want to thats easy, it's when the temptation arises and picking up seems like a good idea that our tools are truely tested. I'm glad it wasn't any better for you out there this time and you made it right back. your courage and honesty has helped us all learn today, I am hoping you can learn from the slip and consider what you could do differently next time.

mike