Slapshotxx

Hello, this is my first time posting here. I have a question that I have not been able to come up with a clear game plan on how to handle yet.

First of all I myself am an alcoholic, I've been sober for a little over three years now and I feel better about life than I ever have. I did not go through any formal treatment beyond attending a few AA meetings and for the most part various spiritual practices are what helped me through my most difficult times.

Anyway, the issue I am having is not about me, it's in regards to my fiancee's aunt. I am getting married in April and as can be expected during my time with her I have become closer and closer to her family. Her aunt is viewed by everyone in her family as having a drinking problem, she drinks every day and blacks out frequently. She is often very toxic and angry towards anyone who speaks with her and is generally a negative person. Both of these traits makes her somewhat of a pariah to her family. The problem I have is that no one in my fiancee's family will actually approach her about her problems with alcohol, everyone just continues to keep an "out of sight, out of mind" mentality about it. In her family most people drink, quite heavily at times and I feel the word alcoholism is something they do not really understand.

I know what alcoholism looks and feels like given my history but I don't know what to do. Several times I have wanted to say something but where is the line between preaching and genuinely trying to help? I know my intentions are not to put her down but I feel that she will react that way. I feel that even if I try to relate to her she will consider our situations very different, maybe she will even say I am trying to insinuate that SHE is as bad as ME! I know this is all speculation but in the past I have tried helping other people with this and I have never been able to reach anyone. Lately I have started to think that maybe the only person I can really help and understand is myself.

I fear her reaction, her families reaction, and the fact that I might fail in trying to help. I do know a big part of my recovery was that people who were close to me began calling me out, I didn't like it then but I know now that it helped me.

I guess I just need help with ways I can approach this issue.

marie1960

Doesn't sound like she is searching out any help for herself

Safe to say anything you would say to her would fall on deaf ears, and be viewed as unwelcome and unwanted advice.

Her family is minding their own business, they are leaving her to her own devices, why? because she currently doesn't want help, best to keep your own side of the street clean.

Congrats on three years, good for you.

Slapshotxx

Thank you. I think that is what felt the most natural to me as well. I just questioned it because I felt like I HAD to do something.

CodeJob

Hello slap shot,

Welcome to SR. Congrats on 3 years sober yourself!

As I read your post, I became a bit alarmed as this family sounds a bit in denial over not only Auntie but their own heavy drinking too. As to whether or not to step in and speak, I would hesitate. Primarily bc of their denial.

I think you may find other people to reach out to and help.