redrose0729

I just joined tonight and I guess right now I am feeling pretty overwhelmed. My boyfriend is an drug and alcohol addict. I have been in love with him for years 12 to be exact. We reunited a year ago. The addictions came during the years we were apart. He hates what he is doing to himself and his family and me. He has stolen to get drugs. I just find myself always going through highs and lows. I have 2 children from a previous marriage and he loves them and they love him. Gosh there are so many feelings going on in me right now I do not know where to start, what to say. I don't even feel like I have anyone to talk to because if I tell someone I know everything all I will hear is leave him and its not that easy. I have prayed for years ( the ones we were apart ) not to love him, but something would not let me stop. I feel like I am waiting on him to see what mood I am going to be in. And then times like right now when I am alone when I break down and cry. There are so many ways that he is incredible and when I see the real him it feels so good I want to cry with happiness. He wants to get better but he is soo scared to go to rehab he has had friends go in and come out worse than before. There are times he is ready to go and then the next morning he believes he can disipline himself enough to stay off. He is never off of everything. It is such a struggle just to keep him off of the drugs, but the alcohol has already put him in the hospital 3 times with upper GI bleeds, the last time was this past January. I watch him cry about everything and it is so sad to watch. I lost the one person that I could talk to about it this year my aunt she really loved him and right away when she met him they connected , he took it really hard when she died this past June, he had never had a close relative die before. It just helped having an understanding ear to talk to and not be judgemental. It's seems so weird for me because now I look at the friends that use to be in my shoes and now I understand why they stayed when everyone told them to leave including me. His very own sister was one of them she stayed until last January when she woke up and found her 30 yr old alcoholic boyfriend of 3 yrs. on her couch Dead. I several months before it happened I warned her it would happen. Now I am scared to death that I am going to go through what she is going through, and he is scared of it too. He was watching her crying and told her and his other sister he never wants to put me through that. Any words of support would be sooo... appreciated right now and also alot of prayers too.

Thanks,
redrose

KelKel

Hi redrose
Glad you found us...
Your boyfriend really needs to get help for his addictions. Has he tried AA/NA? Would he come here to SoberRecovery and just read what others are doing about and where they have been with their addictions?
I really feel for you, I am the alcoholic and I know that until he is ready to surrender and get help things are only going to get worse.
others will be along to welcome you and offer their support.
We are a caring bunch and we will be here for you and your boyfriend if he so chooses.
Big Hugs To You...

Gabe

Hey Redrose,
Welcome to Sober Recovery. There are a lot of people here who understand what you're going through. It's hard to watch someone self destruct and know that you are powerless to do anything about it. And it's hard to catch a glimpse of the person you know and love and realize that they are still trapped inside the addiction.
You will find lots of understanding and support here. I'm glad you found us.
Gabe

Firefighter

Gabe you're so right (as usual). The biggest hurt is to see glimpses of her trapped in the fog. I so wish I had the power to reach in and rescue her. I've tried and of course nothing worked. I can't rescue her. You can't rescue someone who thinks they are safe. Redrose, welcome. Sober Recovery has given me a lot of light and ease for my pain. I think it can do the same for you.

FF

redrose0729

Thanks all of you it really helps just having someone to talk to.

JT

Redrose...welcome to SR!

You talk and we will listen.

Hugs,
JT