sadsister62

New to here, tho I've been reading posts for a few days. My AS has been living with my elderly parents for over 2 years now against the wishes of me, her grown children, and my siblings. My parents thought they could tough-love her into recovery although we warned them about the trap that that kind of thinking can become. Fast forward to October this year. My mom has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer with maybe a year to live, but who knows, my sister was hospitalized with some kind of intestinal infection that she says was NOT caused by her drinking. My dad and mom had thought that this would be a good time to get her into a program and could I help them?

Well, after 2 weeks of long-distance calls to their county's agencies, I had an evaluation set up for her, hoping for a long term in-house treatment. NOO, I don't know what or how it was decided, but she was referred to an out-patient program and is still at my parents home. I have been unable to get my parents cooperation in any movement forward. My mom is in such an enabling state of mind. When she dies, my sister will have NO WHERE to go as none of us can deal with her anymore.

I think my dad is on board, but is unwilling to upset my mom now, with her cancer. It seems to me that everyone feels a bit responsible for letting this go on so long and now it has become critical.Anyway, I cannot spend the time I have to help care for my mom and dad, as even just being in the same state as my sister is such a stresser for me. I have had to detach completely from her and partly from my parents. My sister works part-time, but while I was there for Christmas, she asked my mom for money, and has NOT quit smoking in the house. She is no longer going to her program.

I know there is really nothing I can do other than what I've already done, the list of dry-houses, in-house re-habs, councellors,etc..But as we drove away on Christmas day ( I won't spend the wkends there anymore) I broke down in the car and have been sad ever since. My therapist is so helpful and ref
erred me to this site, but managing the sadness after seeing them is hard, as this is in all probability the last Christmas with my mom.

Thanks for the forum, it feels good just to get this out.

CodeJob

Welcome sad sister,

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. You are indeed in a tough situation. You want to be present for your parents, but they have enabled the heck out of S.

Does your mom have hospice? I wonder if she does if their social worker could work on what your mom& dad want regarding your sister. Maybe this is a situation she does want to resolve.

Hugs to you. I'm glad to hear you have a counselor!

sadsister62

Not yet, I do wonder if they (hospice) have fresh eyes and maybe protocol about situations like this? I am pretty sure that AS is using my moms meds (with mom's permission) too. Spending New years eve with sober siblings, should be a good time, we need to keep united on the major issues, but we do have different views on detachment,enabling, our roles...

sadsister62

Spent New Years Eve with sober siblings and am rather bewildered by my sober sister's take on alcoholic sister's continued drinking. Sober sister seems to think that as long as drunk sister is engaged with family at events, like holidays, and drinking, but not a lot of drinks, that is an improvement. I think sober sister thinks I am too harsh on my judgement of drunk sister's stability. I KNOW that drunk sister is going to spiral soon. She is not eating and that is a red flag that her stomach is in turmoil again, drinking her calories, ect...Idk, wish sober sister would realize that one drink is one too many for alcoholic sister.

hopeful4

Well, if hospice comes in they will keep a pretty tight reign on her meds. I would warn them that you suspect some have come up "missing."

There is really nothing else you can do since your parents are not willing to change all they are doing to enable her.

I am so sorry about your mom. How tragic. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

DoubleDragons

I am so sorry for the situation that you are in. Cancer and alcoholism suck. They really do. I try not to make major long term decisions regarding my alcoholic mother. I take it day by day. It is the only way to stay sane. Sending prayers for comfort your way . . . . .