SDH73

I had a dream involving drinking last night, though I wasn't actively drinking in it. I was at work and was serving a table that turned out to be a traveling band. I found out later that Link Wray and Yoko Ono's niece (very random, does she even have a niece?) were two of the members.

After serving them I was chatting with ms Ono and told her that I was a guitarist with a degree in music. She suggested that I should join their band. They gigged constantly and were paid very well. Of course, I said "yeah, sounds awesome!"

So, in snippets I hear the band's conversation about me joining the band. Don't recall the whole thing but they were arguing about the idea. The one line that stuck with me was "just because he's not drunk right now, doesn't mean he's not a drunk."

Even in my dream I had to shrug. It's true. I am worse than worthless as a musician when I'm drinking or horribly hungover and trembling.

Then, as dreams usually do, it went off on some other thread.

Point is, I've known for some time that I cannot move forward in a career or even in life as an active drinker. Until I gain some level of comfort in sobriety the confidence to get out there and TRY simply isn't there. Lately I'd lost sight of that. I'd fallen into the trap of this cozy little booze filled cocoon of a life I've created for myself.

There are plenty of good reasons to never drink again. I guess this dream summed up my biggest one. Since I was about 6 years old I knew I wanted to be a musician. Not a fireman or a race car driver or the president of the united states. I practiced hard and studied and learned. I truly feel that alcohol has completely derailed my efforts. It's not too late, but just as I knew that practicing was important to move forward as a musician, I realize that not drinking is just as or even more important. Eyes on the prize, so to speak.

Anyway, that's my ramble. Hope everyone is well!

Soberwolf

Awesome post SDH73

This dream sounds like it has strenghtened your sobriety

And i love music too so i hope you carry on with being a musician

Your doing well bud

brynn

Eyes on the prize, indeed!!

Copper442

Oh man does this hit home. I too have wanted to be a musician since I was about 4 or 5. Started playing around 8 and even went to college to pursue a music degree. Unfortunately, my drinking completely derailed that dream for me. I got 1/2 of the way through my degree and was told to change majors. Of course being an alcoholic I found a way to blame everyone else for my failures. I wound up graduating this month with a degree in accounting and that breaks my heart. Not a day goes by that I don't regret my choices.

Keep pushing forward and make your dream happen. I believe in you!

SDH73

Hey, Copper! I actually dropped out back in 2004. I told myself that I needed some time off, but the truth is I was drinking too much.

Just went back and finished my degree this year. That in itself was a huge victory for me. But it won't help me until I help myself!

Are you still playing? Doesn't take a piece of paper to be a good musician!

Funny, I've been studying accounting at a local community college in order to make myself "more marketable". Personally, wish I'd done more business courses the first time around.

Copper442

Oh wow! That is so awesome that you went back and finished! You should be super proud of yourself. I wish I had taken some time off and then gone back but my drinking was so bad I probably wouldn't have gone back at all.

You're right that I don't need that piece of paper but it bothers me that I didn't get it together to finish what I started. I really haven't been playing. Being drunk all the time kept me pretty busy and then dealing with the aftermath. I've been sober for 19 days and I have tried to get back into it but I've lost my groove or something. I'm hoping that the more time I have sober the more my true self will come back along with my passion for music.

It's crazy that you are also a musician who has an accounting background lol! I think that's awesome that you are doing that now. We can always find regrets about what we should have done in the past. Be proud of yourself that you are doing it at all.

SDH73

Yeah, Copper. I know that funk. I didn't so much as pick up my guitar for years, what with the drinking and all. When I finally did I sucked! It was very disheartening. Took a lot of work to get back to a point where it was fun to play again. Knowing what/how to practice was key. Not like starting over completely, but definitely had to work for it.

Copper442

Yes! I know exactly what you mean. I've always had a natural ability to pick up an instrument and be able to play relatively well but having to refocus and hone in that skill into something good takes time. I really need to start again. Are you playing at this time?

SDH73

Hadn't in a few weeks. Then last night I picked up and played for a couple of hours. That's probably why I had that dream. Today I've been off and on all day. Need to play more. Might even help keep me to keep focused on staying sober. Simply can't play with a hangover, though I did have to fake it a number of times in school.

Dee74

I lost my music career due to my drinking. I'm picking it up again tho - there's always a chapter two, if you want it

D

SDH73

Glad you're picking up again, Dee! It really is cathartic to play, even if you're just tinkering away without really playing anything in particular.