Back Home, and Thank God for That
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Back Home, and Thank God for That
I hate admitting this, but I couldn't wait to get the hell out of my brother's house. It's not because I don't love my brother. I do. But my niece is apparently not the only one who is dealing with alcoholism.
My sister-in-law and I had a very, very long talk last week about my brother and his alcohol consumption. And it has gotten to the point where my sister-in-law cannot take anymore. It's bad enough their daughter, my niece, has been struggling with her demons for 9 years. My brother will not stop drinking. Even though his wife has asked him repeatedly to stop, he won't do it. When I visited my niece this past weekend, she too said my brother was an alcoholic.
As soon as I walked out of his house yesterday, I detached from those situations. There's nothing I can do down there. My sister-in-law will have to find her own path regarding both their daughter and my brother. What she and I talked about will remain between the two of us. The rest of my family will not know what is going on down there. I had planned on going back with my brothers in April to golf. I'm not going down. If I went down, we would drink every night. And I'm not going to be a part of something that I now know is destructive to his family.
As far as my niece goes, I am grateful that I both had a chance to visit with her, and a chance to share with her my experiences with my AXGF. I didn't pull any punches. I told her that she's got a vulnerability, and it's up to her from this time forward to protect that vulnerability. No one can do it for her. When she gets out of rehab and she's on her own, it's up to her to stay sober. She knows I love her and I'm there for her, but she needs to do the work. I can't save her from herself. No one can.
Anyways, I'm back. I'm sad, but grateful to be home and grateful to have SR as a place to vent. Hope you're all well.
My sister-in-law and I had a very, very long talk last week about my brother and his alcohol consumption. And it has gotten to the point where my sister-in-law cannot take anymore. It's bad enough their daughter, my niece, has been struggling with her demons for 9 years. My brother will not stop drinking. Even though his wife has asked him repeatedly to stop, he won't do it. When I visited my niece this past weekend, she too said my brother was an alcoholic.
As soon as I walked out of his house yesterday, I detached from those situations. There's nothing I can do down there. My sister-in-law will have to find her own path regarding both their daughter and my brother. What she and I talked about will remain between the two of us. The rest of my family will not know what is going on down there. I had planned on going back with my brothers in April to golf. I'm not going down. If I went down, we would drink every night. And I'm not going to be a part of something that I now know is destructive to his family.
As far as my niece goes, I am grateful that I both had a chance to visit with her, and a chance to share with her my experiences with my AXGF. I didn't pull any punches. I told her that she's got a vulnerability, and it's up to her from this time forward to protect that vulnerability. No one can do it for her. When she gets out of rehab and she's on her own, it's up to her to stay sober. She knows I love her and I'm there for her, but she needs to do the work. I can't save her from herself. No one can.
Anyways, I'm back. I'm sad, but grateful to be home and grateful to have SR as a place to vent. Hope you're all well.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
It is a loss for all of us - the alcoholics, and their families - when alcohol takes over and we can no longer look forward to sharing a part of our lives with friends and family because of it.
I'm sorry for your loss. You did the best you could with your frank discussions with your sister-in-law and your niece, and I imagine that they now feel more aware and supported than they would have been had you not visited. And, you are right, there is not much more you can do except support them from a distance. And that is a loss for you.
Hope you find other golf partners and can still plan a spring getaway.
ShootingStar1
I'm sorry for your loss. You did the best you could with your frank discussions with your sister-in-law and your niece, and I imagine that they now feel more aware and supported than they would have been had you not visited. And, you are right, there is not much more you can do except support them from a distance. And that is a loss for you.
Hope you find other golf partners and can still plan a spring getaway.
ShootingStar1
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Right here right now
Posts: 57
Welcome back.... we missed you.
I'm sorry you had to go through this during this time of year... so difficult...
You have helped so many people in 2014 - happy new year, may it bring you joy...
I'm sorry you had to go through this during this time of year... so difficult...
You have helped so many people in 2014 - happy new year, may it bring you joy...
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Zoso, in one way your being there was a blessing for all of them. Because you have been where you've been and seen what you've seen, you had a clarity and a peace about you that would be helpful and comfortable to each of them.
People refer to walking in the rooms and seeing "something" that those who have been there a while have, and "wanting what they have". It happened to me at my first meeting, all those people who had worse lives than mine, yet they had a peace, almost a happiness about them as they relayed their stories and how it was for them. I most definitly "wanted what they had".
Your light shines brightly, Zoso, there is no doubt in my mind that they saw "what you had" and if even one of them reaches out to get it...your visit was a strangely wrapped gift that they will not forget any time soon.
I am sorry it was what it was and saddened you, I'd be sad too. But you know how to detach and bring yourself back to a better focal point. Do that today, find your peace again and know in your heart that you just did a wonderful 12th step, whether you saw it that way or not.
Happy New Year, Zoso. May 2015 bring you AND your family great joy and inner peace.
Hugs
People refer to walking in the rooms and seeing "something" that those who have been there a while have, and "wanting what they have". It happened to me at my first meeting, all those people who had worse lives than mine, yet they had a peace, almost a happiness about them as they relayed their stories and how it was for them. I most definitly "wanted what they had".
Your light shines brightly, Zoso, there is no doubt in my mind that they saw "what you had" and if even one of them reaches out to get it...your visit was a strangely wrapped gift that they will not forget any time soon.
I am sorry it was what it was and saddened you, I'd be sad too. But you know how to detach and bring yourself back to a better focal point. Do that today, find your peace again and know in your heart that you just did a wonderful 12th step, whether you saw it that way or not.
Happy New Year, Zoso. May 2015 bring you AND your family great joy and inner peace.
Hugs
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
I am sorry it was what it was and saddened you, I'd be sad too. But you know how to detach and bring yourself back to a better focal point. Do that today, find your peace again and know in your heart that you just did a wonderful 12th step, whether you saw it that way or not.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Zoso, With all the family craziness, you came home with such a perspective of what was going on. You chose not to go back and engage.
Sounds like you have a pretty good head on your shoulders!!!
Good for you!!
Happy New Year!!
Sounds like you have a pretty good head on your shoulders!!!
Good for you!!
Happy New Year!!
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