How did you quit with social pressures?
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 1
How did you quit with social pressures?
how did you quit?
For about three years now I've known I abuse alcohol but I wasn't ready to quit or say it out loud. Recently I've started admitting out loud that I cannot handle alcohol and that it wasn't for me at random times and I have felt fairly proud of it. I didn't drink for 80 days however I study in another city and come home for Christmas. I have ended up in jail, I lost my fiancé, I was kicked out of school for the career of my choice and I still couldn't stop. I kept going. After not drinking for 80 days and writing exams I felt the need to blow off steam. I blacked out multiple times, acted in ways I regret and don't even remember. This time around I recognize that Everyone is tired of it. I've spoken numerous times of quitting drinking and I desire to restore my ability to have respect for myself. I do not respect who I am or feel proud of who I am. I want to regain that and find out who I truly am. I want to quit drinking but how? People say "just stop" but get irritated if you're the only one not drinking when they invite you out or when it's convenient for them. People then say "you're more fun when you drink" but then if you do and you get too drunk they tell you you shouldn't drink anymore. How do you return home for a brief period of time to visit when everyone resorts to let's grab dinner and a drink to catch up and aren't really open to non alcoholic things? I live in a new city for school now and it seems the go to for when you meet new people is them inviting you to a bar and I've politely declined and tried to suggest another time to do something sober and they 99% of the time just cancel.. I'm in my mid 20's and I find everyone just resorts to liquor. Some say make new friends but I have severe social anxiety (which I am working on). I do not want to make excuses anymore but I honestly have No idea where to start. I want to be sober but want a social life too and feel like they are two separate ways in the fork in the road. New Years is coming up and I want to remain sober. This is my first goal. Any advice is greatly appreciated!!
For about three years now I've known I abuse alcohol but I wasn't ready to quit or say it out loud. Recently I've started admitting out loud that I cannot handle alcohol and that it wasn't for me at random times and I have felt fairly proud of it. I didn't drink for 80 days however I study in another city and come home for Christmas. I have ended up in jail, I lost my fiancé, I was kicked out of school for the career of my choice and I still couldn't stop. I kept going. After not drinking for 80 days and writing exams I felt the need to blow off steam. I blacked out multiple times, acted in ways I regret and don't even remember. This time around I recognize that Everyone is tired of it. I've spoken numerous times of quitting drinking and I desire to restore my ability to have respect for myself. I do not respect who I am or feel proud of who I am. I want to regain that and find out who I truly am. I want to quit drinking but how? People say "just stop" but get irritated if you're the only one not drinking when they invite you out or when it's convenient for them. People then say "you're more fun when you drink" but then if you do and you get too drunk they tell you you shouldn't drink anymore. How do you return home for a brief period of time to visit when everyone resorts to let's grab dinner and a drink to catch up and aren't really open to non alcoholic things? I live in a new city for school now and it seems the go to for when you meet new people is them inviting you to a bar and I've politely declined and tried to suggest another time to do something sober and they 99% of the time just cancel.. I'm in my mid 20's and I find everyone just resorts to liquor. Some say make new friends but I have severe social anxiety (which I am working on). I do not want to make excuses anymore but I honestly have No idea where to start. I want to be sober but want a social life too and feel like they are two separate ways in the fork in the road. New Years is coming up and I want to remain sober. This is my first goal. Any advice is greatly appreciated!!
Last edited by Traveller09; 12-29-2014 at 12:27 AM. Reason: Wanted to add something
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I had to change my life completely.
I'm not sorry I did tho - getting sober was the best thing I ever did. I love my life I still have fun, and I have real friends now, not just drinking buddies.
I really hope you decide to give it a go Traveller - welcome to SR
D
I'm not sorry I did tho - getting sober was the best thing I ever did. I love my life I still have fun, and I have real friends now, not just drinking buddies.
I really hope you decide to give it a go Traveller - welcome to SR
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: The Sooner State
Posts: 1,725
I know what you are saying. Business trips, work parties, social gatherings, new years, superbowl..I get it
I realized the only pressure was me. I got over it. The only person worried about my drinking was me. Sure there were some heavy pushers but after awhile they give it up. Im much happier now
I realized the only pressure was me. I got over it. The only person worried about my drinking was me. Sure there were some heavy pushers but after awhile they give it up. Im much happier now
Life is an unlikely miracle.
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: England
Posts: 1,859
Traveler, your life and your choices are yours.
There are actually plenty of people who don't drink at all, we tend to forget that when we drink heavily ourselves.
Since I stopped drinking, I did feel pressured at first by others who asked me why I wasn't drinking, but I got used to it and so did they.
Like OklaBH said, eventually people accept your decisions.
Think you'd be able to work on your social anxiety easier if you were sober - booze affects us more severely than we realise -nervous system, brain function, etc.
I hope you give it a go.
There are actually plenty of people who don't drink at all, we tend to forget that when we drink heavily ourselves.
Since I stopped drinking, I did feel pressured at first by others who asked me why I wasn't drinking, but I got used to it and so did they.
Like OklaBH said, eventually people accept your decisions.
Think you'd be able to work on your social anxiety easier if you were sober - booze affects us more severely than we realise -nervous system, brain function, etc.
I hope you give it a go.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome to Sober Recovery.
You say being sober and having a social life is incompatible...here's what you drinking is causing:
I have ended up in jail, I lost my fiancé, I was kicked out of school for the career of my choice...I blacked out multiple times, acted in ways I regret and don't even remember.
What's "social" about that? I think the saner course might be to quit drinking and work on developing a sober social sphere rather than continue drinking and convincing yourself you can't be social without alcohol.
Originally Posted by Traveller09 
I want to be sober but want a social life too and feel like they are two separate ways in the fork in the road.
I have ended up in jail, I lost my fiancé, I was kicked out of school for the career of my choice...I blacked out multiple times, acted in ways I regret and don't even remember.
What's "social" about that? I think the saner course might be to quit drinking and work on developing a sober social sphere rather than continue drinking and convincing yourself you can't be social without alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Northern Illinos
Posts: 1,757
Welcome to SR.
You will find that as you get stronger and feel better you will make new friends and do things that you never dreamed possible with your drinking buddies. Keep the faith.
Plus, you will sort out who are the real friends and who are justifying their drinking lifestyle by surrounding themselves with other drinkers instead of being in the real, big world.
You will find that as you get stronger and feel better you will make new friends and do things that you never dreamed possible with your drinking buddies. Keep the faith.
Plus, you will sort out who are the real friends and who are justifying their drinking lifestyle by surrounding themselves with other drinkers instead of being in the real, big world.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,450
I would admit most of my relapsing was due to self-imposed social pressure. It never helped my last two bosses liked to do our reviews at a bar. It is very tough to remove oneself from a drinking culture. In some cases it means leaving a company where there is heavy drinking culture. I was driving through a major city in the US yesterday just counting the new gastropubs and wine bars. It seems there was one on every corner. It is a fight in early recovery to go against the cultural grain.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
For a while, I had to stay away from social pressures altogether. I worked active recovery and made changes to what social meant for me; turns out there are LOTS of ways to be social without alcohol.
As time went on and I worked my active sobriety and got more comfortable in my own skin as a person who chooses life over drunkenness, I have been able to participate in social settings involving alcohol. Now I just say 'no thanks' and if anyone were to suggest I was more fun when I drank I'd probably just say 'well then I suppose my purpose in life isn't to entertain you' and I'd probably not spend a lot of time with that person going forward.
I have so much more to live for.
As time went on and I worked my active sobriety and got more comfortable in my own skin as a person who chooses life over drunkenness, I have been able to participate in social settings involving alcohol. Now I just say 'no thanks' and if anyone were to suggest I was more fun when I drank I'd probably just say 'well then I suppose my purpose in life isn't to entertain you' and I'd probably not spend a lot of time with that person going forward.
I have so much more to live for.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by Traveller09
People say "just stop" but get irritated if you're the only one not drinking when they invite you out or when it's convenient for them. People then say "you're more fun when you drink".
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
How did I stop with the social pressures? I stopped putting myself in a position where they were present. It's hard to grasp at first: saying "no thanks" when you are invited out with your friends seems impossible. I know this. I often tell the story of how I went to a bar for lunch the first day after I got out of rehab....I simply didn't know how to exist without being surrounded by alcohol.
Like others here, I had to completely change my life. It started with the small steps of staying sober each day, and saying "no thanks" to the bars and parties. Just don't go. You'll survive. It will be weird at first but in my experience it opened up a whole new world. Give it a shot! Good luck!
Like others here, I had to completely change my life. It started with the small steps of staying sober each day, and saying "no thanks" to the bars and parties. Just don't go. You'll survive. It will be weird at first but in my experience it opened up a whole new world. Give it a shot! Good luck!
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
you want to remain sober this new years eve and its your first one ?
my advice would be not to go to any new years partys or go anywhere near booze, have a nice night in, as not everyone in the world is out there getting drunk and making fools of themselves this year
infact i was amazed to know just how many people dont party at new years and they dont have drink problems
i thought everyone in the world drank like me at new years and it wasnt normal not to
how wrong i was
this new years i will be at an aa meeting then home with my kids my kids will have a drink but i will have a cup of tea to toast in the new years with them.
raises his tea cup and says cheers to everyone : )
my advice would be not to go to any new years partys or go anywhere near booze, have a nice night in, as not everyone in the world is out there getting drunk and making fools of themselves this year
infact i was amazed to know just how many people dont party at new years and they dont have drink problems
i thought everyone in the world drank like me at new years and it wasnt normal not to
how wrong i was
this new years i will be at an aa meeting then home with my kids my kids will have a drink but i will have a cup of tea to toast in the new years with them.
raises his tea cup and says cheers to everyone : )
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 69
Like Dee said, I had to completely change my life. I very rarely spend time at bars or clubs or at gatherings where people are drinking, and I am in my late 20's. Even though I know damn well how destructive alcohol is, I don't even want to mess around with temptation.
Sometimes I feel like I am "missing out", but the social consequences (to say nothing of the physical, mental, professional and financial consequences) of me drinking far outweigh any benefits. You have to be real with yourself and make the decision that is best for you.
As for New Years, it's just another day that people use as an excuse to drink, in my opinion.
Sometimes I feel like I am "missing out", but the social consequences (to say nothing of the physical, mental, professional and financial consequences) of me drinking far outweigh any benefits. You have to be real with yourself and make the decision that is best for you.
As for New Years, it's just another day that people use as an excuse to drink, in my opinion.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by desypete
you want to remain sober this new years eve and its your first one ?
my advice would be not to go to any new years partys or go anywhere near booze, have a nice night in, as not everyone in the world is out there getting drunk and making fools of themselves this year
infact i was amazed to know just how many people dont party at new years and they dont have drink problems
i thought everyone in the world drank like me at new years and it wasnt normal not to
how wrong i was
this new years i will be at an aa meeting then home with my kids my kids will have a drink but i will have a cup of tea to toast in the new years with them.
raises his tea cup and says cheers to everyone : )
my advice would be not to go to any new years partys or go anywhere near booze, have a nice night in, as not everyone in the world is out there getting drunk and making fools of themselves this year
infact i was amazed to know just how many people dont party at new years and they dont have drink problems
i thought everyone in the world drank like me at new years and it wasnt normal not to
how wrong i was
this new years i will be at an aa meeting then home with my kids my kids will have a drink but i will have a cup of tea to toast in the new years with them.
raises his tea cup and says cheers to everyone : )
WOW... it turns out the whole world doesn't 'celebrate' the turning of a new year by dumping poison down their gullets!! WEIRD, right??
Try an aa meeting for New Years. Or... if you're not ready for that, do you use facebook? Here's an idea; create a facebook event for a Sober New Year's Eve run, hike, stargazing, storytelling, whatever...... and invite all your friends. You never know who amongst your community of friends may also be sick and tired of it. I've found since choosing sobriety that several of my drinking friends wish they weren't.... and that among my existing friends there were already lots of people who really don't drink much and who go (SHOCKING!!!) do things without drinking!!! SO STRANGE!!!
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