JohnZ

Hello.

I decided this afternoon I was going to go to my first AA meeting. I looked up the meetings, I picked one, I read a lot about what to expect. I was actually kind of excited about it.

I started driving over there and about a block away from it, I started shaking. I mean really physically shaking, This has not something that has happened before, and I was kind of freaking out about it. What the hell? I drove past the place without looking at it and kept driving for awhile and then I was fine.

I pulled over, looked at myself in the mirror. What is wrong with you? What is your problem? I turned around and headed back. I told myself at least just go into the parking lot and park. Do at least that. That's not a big deal. A block away I started shaking again. I couldn't turn into the parking lot. I just went home.

I'm really embarrassed and confused. I have no idea what just happened. This was a simple, positive thing that I was trying to do. I wasn't under the gun, there was no sudden event that brought me here. I've just known for awhile that after hours and behind closed doors I quietly drink like a fish and it really needs to stop. It was such a simple thing to do, just go, you don't even have to say anything. And I couldn't even pull into the parking lot. I don't understand what that was.

Well I guess I'll try again tomorrow. Just crazy.

resolute50

Welcome to SR.
I suspect a lot of people do exactly what you did.
Can certainly see how anxiety about what will happen there can cause you to have second thoughts. It's been a very long time since I've been to a meeting. So I'm not really all too familiar with the venue.

But, from what I do remember, everybody was really nice.

Anna

It sounds like an anxiety attack, which is something many of us experience. Some simple breathing techniques can help you when that happens. When you have an anxiety attack, your breathing becomes shallow and that makes things worse, so belly breaths help. Breathe in and allow your stomach to expand. Then, very slowly exhale through your nose. Do that a few times and you should be fine.

Strength11

Hi John,

I can definitely relate to your post. I think that is completely normal to feel the way you did. I don't think it is crazy at all. I think that is great that you wanted to go to a meeting and were trying to make the effort. I think what helped me is, I kept asking myself what do I have to lose by going?

Try again tomorrow, see what happens.

OklaBH

i agree with Anna..anxiety
Try again. I think you will really like it. I know you will benefit from it

Opivotal

John, I can't tell you how badly my knees were shaking when I went to my first Meeting.

If I hadn't made a promise to a friend, I might've kept driving myself.

You'll do better tomorrow!

Oh and try Anna's breathing techniques ...they work.

SoberLeigh

Welcome, JohnZ, to SR.

Sounds like anxiety. I agree with Anna; breathing techniques do help.

Yes, try again tomorrow.

awuh1

There's a saying in AA. "Simple but not easy." That applies to many things about AA. However, after finding the courage and taking the action, things are so much better. I believe you'll begin to see the truth in this at some point before your first meeting has even concluded.

All the best to you.

Mark1014

Immediately prior to my planned talk with my wife about my effort to become sober,I became agitated and uncomfortable. I think that my pending conversation with her represented a turning point. I drank in isolation and secret for the most part and was about to shine a light into a dark corner of my life. It made me feel like a deer in headlights. In some way your emotions may have come from a similar place. Not so much the basic components of the meeting, but the enormity of what your endeavoring to do.

Sounds like you're being proactive about this, that's great! I wish you the best.

Lasha

I think what you are feeling is anxiety, and could totally be apart of the recovery process. I too am facing my addiction, and couldn't even go in the grocery store the other day. What you are feeling is Normal. So what you didn't make it tonight, things don't happen overnight. Try again tomorrow, that's what matters.

zeppodog

I have bad social anxiety that got a lot worse when I quit drinking, it's just like you describe, hopefully it will go away in time. all you can do is try again and hope it's not so bad. It can be debilitating, I'm going to talk to my doctor about it and get something for it if it doesn't ease up. good luck.

hayley86

Welcome! It's definitely not crazy and there is no need to feel embarassed. It's completley normal to feel nervous, and it's great that you are seeking support. I'm not in AA but i can tell you from my own experience that you will be made to feel very welcome at meetings, everyone remembers what it's like to be new. Just try again. Glad you found us!

melki

I hope it goes easier for you tomorrow! Definitely keep trying.

For the fear of sounding kookoo I think it was the alcohol monster not willing to let go of you. Sometimes I think I can actually feel and smell him. KOO KOOOO...

Jsbodhi

I went to my first meeting and when they asked me if i wanted to talk I just started crying uncontrollably and barely spit out a few words about a drinking problem, so at least your episode happened in the car

Briar

The first time I tried to go to a meeting, I drove halfway there and then panicked and turned around. The second time I made it in, but I was terrified, shaking so hard. That meeting started horribly uncomfortable, but by the time it ended, I felt I had found my place, and I've attended consistently since then. Now I look forward to it.

It's anxiety. And you know, I bet most people at those meetings have seen lots of people come in feeling like that, and maybe did themselves. The folks in my meeting knew exactly what was going on with me and were very supportive and comforting. Don't let this deter you from seeking help.

Soberwolf

A breathing exercise that calms panic attacks.

Good luck for next time

zeppodog

Thanks, I'm trying it.

sprout50

Sounds like a panic attack. I suffer from anxiety so when I went to my first AA meeting (discovered it is not for me but went to a couple of meetings) I went charging for the door. I knew if I didn't do it quick, I would run in the other direction. When I got inside and said I was new, a woman said her first time, she couldn't get herself inside the door. Another person said they drove by several times before being able to come in. They were people with long term sobriety. They remembered how they felt their first time and were very welcoming! We ended up laughing about it.

Try again. I think you will find the same support I did. Remember, everyone there has been where you are.

sugarbear1

maybe think of it as walking into a room full of us SR people; just some people wanting to help each other stay stopped.

relax, sit, listen. you don't have to talk if you don't want to.

geno198

I have gone to my churches AA meetings every Tuesday, but I'm going to this other meeting and I'm a little Anxious. Good luck