Txdude229

I'll cut to the chase....I welcome all suggestions. I fell in love with an alcoholic and have allowed myself to become a victim of alcoholism. I know I must break it off with him, but I don't know what to say, how to say it, etc.

Although we've only know eachother 5 months, I've gone above and beyond. But I worry about him, know that he needs me, and feel horrible for wanting to say the words "it's over."

I've come realize why he wouldn't spend nights with me....that's when he drinks. Haven't heard from him in a week....last time I saw him was 10am last Saturday...and he was still drunk from night before....he called me in a panic needing ride to work and was 2 hours late.

I want to just block his calls. Then I decide not to, in case he needs me/comes to his senses.

Thoughts? I know I worry more about him than he worries about me or himself....

FeelingGreat

Hi TX, it's hard to break off most relationships, not just this one, but the fact that he's been MIA for a week, and the reason he contacted you was because he wanted something, should make it much easier.

You say he 'needs you' - don't kid yourself. He needs to drink right now, you only come into it when you're useful.

How to break it off? Say 'I don't see a future for us. I wish you all the best but for my own sake it has to end now. I won't be seeing your phone calls or texts so please don't try and contact me.' Best to just get it over with then go non-contact. He survived before you came along and he'll go on surviving after.

Txdude229

Wow....great response. No mention of alcoholism....just regaining my power. Thank you

BoxinRotz

Makes me wonder how the hell he survived before he ever met you...

fluffyflea

You haven't heard from him in a week......

Block him and move on. He deserves NO explanation.

Slothy

I applaud you for having the strength to realize it's time for bye bye! I myself have been in the same situation and only after way too much hurt and anguish am I finally ready for No Contact and a final goodbye! Spare yourself that hurt! His disappearing acts, his disingenuous behavior will only continue and probably get worse!

I'm not sure exactly whAt you should say, except that it's time to move on! Does an active A even have the capability of processing all the reasons you may give for this? Say what you need and stay strong! Wishing you peace and serenity with your closure!

53500

You know what my mom told me long ago if you want to dump someone? Tell him you're seeing someone else. That is IF he contacts you again. If not then just don't contact him.

tomsteve

From the alcoholic side:
How isn't as imporatant as when. The sooner the better.
Either break it off or go down with him.

Carlotta

I voted Block his calls and messages, no explanation?
but what I would actually do was not listed, I would just send him a text or brief email telling him that it is over then block his calls and messages. I would definitely not offer to meet or invite him to dinner.

KissMyTiara

Agreed with carlotta. Inviting him to meet is you being desperate to keep it going. He's abusing you. Let it go.

redatlanta

If my SO hadn't called me in a week I would consider that the break up had already occurred.

Txdude229

I did exactly that. I sent the text this morning. Received the "what you're doing is unforgivable and irreversible" response. A few more exchanges and finally told him I loved him, suggested he seek treatment, and have blocked.

Now, my healing begins. I'm somewhat sad, but equally liberated. But remain strong.

THANK YOU!!!

ardy

Hi TxDude......eekkeke Hi Mom I need help and you are always there for me.. what would I do without your support.. boo hoo and cupcakes.. time to do Hit the Road Jack I am not your parent or support line.. kiddo there are a ton of other fish in the sea..this one needs to be tossed back.. really... Worry about him....do you think for a breath that he even thinks about you or the realtionship when he is drinking or out with the boys.. NOPE NOPE NO SIR: 5 months trail run and he lost the race... sorry ardy... when you find that right guy.. and I did a look thro of 182 in a month no kidding just like looking at resume's only in real life... found my Eddie lee ya he is a mess.. but smells like my grandmas sugar cookies.. and now after 21 years.. and we have gone thro a lot with his illness and moving and jobs and my cancer and my drinking.. he is my keeper.. and fend off the evils of his past life every so often... and he will wrap that arm around me and go Toots I love you so much.. Why I ask cause you keep the evil of my past away... well sometimes I like to play with that evil just for a bit and then get to be my Marine on it big time.. wicked tongue I have when needed... but kiddo you are Not His MOM... really..

ardy

TXDude if you need someone to scream hahaahahhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa too hit me or anyone else here... for we have all been there and done this very thing.. Stand Tall Hold the High Ground and Keep Punching.. . stay away from him... if he is a keeper he will change .. if not he will get ugly and nasty.. and you need the distance for safe sake... love and prayers ardy...

anattaboy

Seriously, this was a poll?

F50Lurker

Dump him and move on, you deserve better. This relationship will bring you nothing but heartache, trust me.

Txdude229

yes, and the results were helpful.

Carlotta

What happened? Is everything ok?
I hope he is not threatening you.

Txdude229

I'm doing fine Carolatta. He has not contacted me. I think I surprised him taking a stand...but he knows that I strong and maintain my position. Fortunately, he was never physically abussive....just mentally and emotionally abusive.

I would shocked if he tries to contact me...

Thank you!

Txdude229

Thank you Ardy!