bringiton

haven't posted or commented in awhile. questioning if I even have anything of importance to add. AH was in recovery and its like he lost his mind. Immediately home from in patient rehab the lying was there. the abuse continued. the stupid games and attempts at manipulation. 6 months later and it keeps getting worse, not really working any program at all from what I can tell. I however learned not to engage or respond. Although I was seeing a therapist and we were going to marriage counseling I decided I couldn't take the abuse anymore. It is the tricky kind of abuse that doesn't leave a scar on the outside but kills you from within. Told him I didn't want to be married to him anymore. He was unaccepting and would go through cycles of being nice, cruel, indifferent. didn't know who he was any given day or hour. I stayed far on my side of the street. With everything that has gone on I have never been so disappointed and disgusted by a person in my life.

Six months he has been "looking" for a job without a single interview. All our money, savings, security is gone. Health insurance for my four children one of them disabled expires in a few days. I haven't been able to find a job that's not temporary or has insurance yet. Just jobs that bring in some cash and he wont even do that. Everything is gone. Decisions need to be made about the house, when to file for divorce etc. Same story so many people have shared.

Christmas eve he sent me 20 texts. We are currently living in the same house me with my room in the basement. 20 texts. I had the flu and that seemed to make him push harder for a response. I didn't. I was good. Christmas morning as usual he acted like nothing had happened. Tonight he left the house, told the kids he would be back. three hours later started texting me that he was staying with old drinking buddy. tell the kids goodbye. total drama, woe is me, my life is over. I didn't reply to any of it. they became increasingly abusive. If that is his choice to end it all so be it. too bad he isn't enough of a man to put his children first and provide for them. If he can text me he can text for help if he really wants it. I think its all drama, looking for the reaction he doesn't know what to do without. I'm not that girl anymore. This isn't my life anymore and its not going to be how my children live. Oldest son was confused that he wasn't coming home after he said he was. The man couldn't even get on the phone to tell his son goodnight himself. I don't believe he will actually hurt himself but I'm okay with the fact that maybe he will. I'm not in control and I don't want to even try to pretend I am.

Selfish disease until the bitter end. I'm grateful for all of you who share your stories to help at times like this. So many I have read where the A behaves like this. Thank God i'm at least a different person even if he isn't.

lillamy

I'm very familiar with that. I'm sorry you've had to deal with it, even after your AH got sober. I tend to think that a person who isn't naturally prone to abuse wouldn't be abusive even drunk -- and on the flip side, a person who's abusive probably won't stop just because he quits drinking.

It sounds difficult and hard, but I found that finding a good family lawyer helped me clear up a lot of things. I walked in for a consult and walked out with the divorce filing completed. For me, telling my story to an objective observer and seeing his shock was enough.

The only thing I would say is that if he sends you an outright suicide threat (not just a "my life is over" whine), and you know where he is, you could call 911. If he is suicidal, he will get the help he needs. If he is not, he'll stop sending you those texts.

And I'm glad you're here. As you've already seen, there's a lot of support here. (((hugs))) and lots of love to you and your kids.

bringiton

thanks lillamy. this all went down during bedtime. Not me tucking each child in with a kiss, story and prayer but again the chaos that surrounds his moods and decisions. He said to tell the children that he loves them more than himself. If that was true and he knew how to love why would he do anything to hurt them? Why is he not providing for them? I let him do terrible things to me but I will not let him hurt the kids.

Everyday i'm grateful that i'm in the new day and moving forward. Slowly moving but I'm moving. I thought after recovery everything would be okay. Hard, but okay. I feel like I should have read the fine print and maybe instead of waiting for the sobriety I would have just left sooner. I guess I blamed the abuse and control on the alcohol and didn't realize that this is just who he is.

I dread the moment he walks into the house today. I would rather he just stay "gone".

redatlanta

I am really sorry you are having to deal with this.

Your husband isn't the picture of recovery, rather the picture of never recovered or relapse.

have you checked into state benefits for your children? As you are both unemployed you might be able to insure them through a state program. Certainly your disabled child may also be a candidate for medicaid for the disabled, deaf and blind. This might not be something you want to do but I strongly encourage that you do it. That's what its for.

Hope he stays gone too.