This is hard as hell
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
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This is hard as hell
I had a couple of drinks on Xmas. Truth.
I really had not planned to drink...you know the "it's Xmas so I can drink on that day" argument.
I had friends over and we went to downtown Dallas to see the lights. Neiman Marcus has a huge display. Anyway... we were walking about and across the street from the Neiman Marcus display was a man all bundled up sitting on a bench. He looked so sad and helpless. He had his dog with him. I was struck by the dichotomy of the situation. We were enjoying the Xmas decorations and all, but then he was there with his pup and it just upset me. My friends didn't say anything about it...dunno if they even saw him. I did not say anything either. We came home, I made dinner, but I could get this man's face out of my mind.
So, I had a drink, and another and another and then stopped. 3 drinks.
So I know I blew my sobriety that I had since Thanksgiving. And I have to pick up and move on. But..in going forward, I need to be ready for inadvertent events like this one. How do you prepare? This was a perfect storm I guess.
I really had not planned to drink...you know the "it's Xmas so I can drink on that day" argument.
I had friends over and we went to downtown Dallas to see the lights. Neiman Marcus has a huge display. Anyway... we were walking about and across the street from the Neiman Marcus display was a man all bundled up sitting on a bench. He looked so sad and helpless. He had his dog with him. I was struck by the dichotomy of the situation. We were enjoying the Xmas decorations and all, but then he was there with his pup and it just upset me. My friends didn't say anything about it...dunno if they even saw him. I did not say anything either. We came home, I made dinner, but I could get this man's face out of my mind.
So, I had a drink, and another and another and then stopped. 3 drinks.
So I know I blew my sobriety that I had since Thanksgiving. And I have to pick up and move on. But..in going forward, I need to be ready for inadvertent events like this one. How do you prepare? This was a perfect storm I guess.
How do you prepare?
I would never suggest that you grow a thicker skin because, ArtFriend, it is your sensitivity and tenderness which makes you so uniquely you.
However maintaining sobriety entails learning how to cope with our life experiences in healthy ways, including things which bother us greatly but which we cannot, as individuals, directly change. We need to learn to forgo our old coping tool and find new healthy ones. We could opt instead, when considering to soothe our sadness with alcohol, to buy some extra canned goods the next time we go to the grocery store and drop them off at the local soup kitchen or make some sort of a donation to the local food bank. It's something we need to practice - changing our old habits - and takes some conscious consideration.
It's not easy at first but it's a part of identifying our triggers, learning what makes us tick, and adjusting our responses.
I would never suggest that you grow a thicker skin because, ArtFriend, it is your sensitivity and tenderness which makes you so uniquely you.
However maintaining sobriety entails learning how to cope with our life experiences in healthy ways, including things which bother us greatly but which we cannot, as individuals, directly change. We need to learn to forgo our old coping tool and find new healthy ones. We could opt instead, when considering to soothe our sadness with alcohol, to buy some extra canned goods the next time we go to the grocery store and drop them off at the local soup kitchen or make some sort of a donation to the local food bank. It's something we need to practice - changing our old habits - and takes some conscious consideration.
It's not easy at first but it's a part of identifying our triggers, learning what makes us tick, and adjusting our responses.
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thanks Leigh...we posted at the same time! So you are saying that the trigger is always going to be there, but my reaction needs to change. That is a new skill that will take some time to develop. Thank you!
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Your reaction to a lonely, sad, and homeless man will (and should) remain the same; it is our reactions to the reactions that we have to change; we need to acquire new coping tools. I think that with time and practice, we become triggered to react in a healthy way.
There probably is no specific reason you drank. What I would focus on is your recovery plan itself. Do you do enough every day to be ready to face these kinds of things again? Because they will happen again, and probably even stronger, it's only a question of when the next temptation will be. What could you add to the arsenal so the next time you see this man? Perhaps a more regimented plan to come here? Perhaps a local support group with live people to call? I had to accept without question that there would be times I wouldn't be able to do it alone....I think you may have found one too.
I think the only way I got anywhere was by insisting that I would not drink again, for any reason.
I drank for a lot of reasons - one of them was my extraordinary sensitivity.
I had to be prepared for a few rough months - it was hard, uncomfortable and often very painful staying sober in the beginning - but in doing that, I learned to negotiate all kinds of situations and triggers.... without recourse to drinking.
I don't know if my skins any tougher - things still affect me but I deal with the feelings now
I negotiate them better, my boundaries are a lot healthier, I'm a happier person and...ironic or not, I'm more helpful to those in need.
I call that a win win win.
D
I drank for a lot of reasons - one of them was my extraordinary sensitivity.
I had to be prepared for a few rough months - it was hard, uncomfortable and often very painful staying sober in the beginning - but in doing that, I learned to negotiate all kinds of situations and triggers.... without recourse to drinking.
I don't know if my skins any tougher - things still affect me but I deal with the feelings now
I negotiate them better, my boundaries are a lot healthier, I'm a happier person and...ironic or not, I'm more helpful to those in need.
I call that a win win win.
D
You are going to get tons of good feedback re. your drinking. and since I tend to be a bit "rough" we will just leave it at that.
What I wanted to comment on is that you saw what most people (like your friends) either don't see or refuse to see and it hurt you because you bet it is darn uncomfortable. It shows me that you have a good heart.
One thing that I found very helpful is service work. Getting out of ourselves, making a small difference and cultivating an attitude of gratitude.
I would suggest that you try to look into volunteering at a winter shelter or a soup kitchen, contact your local churches and see what can be done. Especially now that Christmas is over, most people will not even think about donating or volunteering to soup kitchens etc. till next December...(yup kindness to the poor is for some a seasonal thing).
What I wanted to comment on is that you saw what most people (like your friends) either don't see or refuse to see and it hurt you because you bet it is darn uncomfortable. It shows me that you have a good heart.
One thing that I found very helpful is service work. Getting out of ourselves, making a small difference and cultivating an attitude of gratitude.
I would suggest that you try to look into volunteering at a winter shelter or a soup kitchen, contact your local churches and see what can be done. Especially now that Christmas is over, most people will not even think about donating or volunteering to soup kitchens etc. till next December...(yup kindness to the poor is for some a seasonal thing).
There are triggers everywhere, and they pop up out of nowhere. I think if you know that it doesn't matter what happens, you will not drink over it, you're good to go.
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One thing I have noticed is that folks in AA report after drinking again, it's not often the major stuff that triggers it.
Deaths, births, marriages, divorces, job loss etc... All seem to be able to be gotten through. Most times anyway.
What most people report is that it's a build up and build up and build up of small irritants.... The final straw that breaks the camels back to put an analogy on it.
Deaths, births, marriages, divorces, job loss etc... All seem to be able to be gotten through. Most times anyway.
What most people report is that it's a build up and build up and build up of small irritants.... The final straw that breaks the camels back to put an analogy on it.
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I have a special place in my heart for the disenfranchised and the homeless. My own sister became homeless due to her mental illness. After having gotten her Phd and was a practicing psychologist, she started manifesting symptoms of schizophrenia. She self medicated with drugs (not alcohol) and became addicted to heroin and crack. She lost her husband, her practice, everything. She lived on the streets in Detroit, then she went missing for a couple of years. She resurfaced in Seattle, but the damage was done. She had contracted HIV/AIDS in the years living on the street, probably by a partner or IV drugs. She managed to get pulled together in Seattle. A friend in NY offered to help her out and hopefully get her back into the working world. But she was killed in the 9/11 attacks. Tragic.
So.... I know why this man triggered me. I have a whole different approach to the homeless after what happened to my sister. I have to gird myself for these emotional triggers.
So.... I know why this man triggered me. I have a whole different approach to the homeless after what happened to my sister. I have to gird myself for these emotional triggers.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
One thing I have noticed is that folks in AA report after drinking again, it's not often the major stuff that triggers it.
Deaths, births, marriages, divorces, job loss etc... All seem to be able to be gotten through. Most times anyway.
What most people report is that it's a build up and build up and build up of small irritants.... The final straw that breaks the camels back to put an analogy on it.
Deaths, births, marriages, divorces, job loss etc... All seem to be able to be gotten through. Most times anyway.
What most people report is that it's a build up and build up and build up of small irritants.... The final straw that breaks the camels back to put an analogy on it.
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