erin8

I've been sober for 24 days and today drinking seems like an option. Its raining here and I've been angry for days and days. I quit drinking and everything still sucks, and in a lot of ways are worse! There's a half pint of 100 proof liquor in the freezer and its tempting me. It belongs to my husband. I'm trying to play the tape all the way through here. It doesn't end well but part of me says its worth it. I'm crazy.

biminiblue

Can you get to an AA meeting? Anger needs to be dealt with in healthy ways, not self-destructive ones.

Pour the booze out. You don't need it in the freezer, even if it is your husband's. If he absolutely has to have it, ask him to hide it or take it with him if he leaves the house. Does he support your abstinence?

SoberLeigh

^^^^This.

Suzieq17

Stay strong. We are all here for you!

Ellay

I second the idea of a meeting! I have been white knuckling the past few days and wanting a drink. I just hit a meeting, went for a long walk and am feeling SO much better.

AcceptingChange

Don't drink over this Erin. It will do nothing but make you angrier, weaker, sadder. Think about this decision. What is being accomplished by poisoning yourself just to get a couple hours of deluded sensations that you interpret as good feelings? You know this doesn't solve the real source of your anger.
The more you drink, the more layers you put between really seeing and then resolving your anger issues. You're just hiding from the cause. It's like seeing a leak in the roof, and instead of fixing it, you close the door, ignore it, and go drink. If your mom or dad did this, you'd get mad at them.
Take a nap or go for a walk or go see a movie. Tomorrow will be here, and your feelings won't be as strong.

Buggirl

Just take this day as a bad one and keep thinking about all the reasons why you shouldn't drink! You can do this!

erin8

I don't want to feel this way. I want my second week back. I felt so good and like everything was going to be ok and now I feel like none of it matters. I know tomorrow will be worse if I drink but I'm longing for just a minute outside of this.

Hawkeye13

It takes time for things to really get better for most of us.
I was also really angry at the beginning.

Exercise helped me get it out and I also lost weight and looked better than I had in years.

I also wrote in a journal, took long hikes, cooked really nice food, and read some good novels to distract myself from craving. Find something you like to do and start doing it again or for the first time.

The best thing I took up after 30 years away was playing guitar again.
Drinking takes up a lot of time I found and all of the "free time" you find yourself with can actually be a bit scary--I don't know if you are feeling that but I did.

Most important thing is to keep going forward and don't give up.
You know what happens if you drink again--do you really want to go back into that cycle?

Replace the drink with other things and life will get so much better erin

biminiblue

What have you done to make it better in the last hour between your two posts?

To dig yourself out there are a lot of people willing to help, but you have to grab a shovel.

Soberwolf

Stay strong Erin lean on us for support for as long as you need

Dee74

Drinking will not make the rain stop or make you less angry...I doubt you'll even get that 'minute outside this' you want.

I think the don't just sit there do something rule comes into play here erin - don't stew in this however justified you feel in being angry - get up, do something

If you haven't looked through these tips before now is a very good time to start:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

The great thing about recovery is bad days are just that - bad days - not bad weeks.

You will feel good again - that's a promise - don't make long term decisions based on short term feelings

D

Anna

Erin, stopping drinking is hard, but it's the first step to the life you want. I think you'll find that you need to make other changes in your life, besides stopping drinking, in order to recover.

Axiom

Hang in there Erin!
Imagine how angry you'll be if you wake up with a hangover too.

erin8

I finally called my sponsor. I feel better. Not great but the bottle isn't calling for me anymore.

Soberjoy1

Glad you made it through the craving!

Soberjoy1

double post

Soberjoy1

And again..don't know what I did there

Dee74

Well done Erin

Salgal, the site is experiencing difficulties - it has been for a while now.
Nothing you did.

D

soberclover

I've been thinking about your "wanting a minute out of this" statement. My interpretation is that you wish to step outside of your sober life...briefly. When I get this type of thought it is REALLY important for me to think long and hard and truthfully about what I'm REALLY needing/wanting. More often then not, I need to feel relief from stress. I used to believe that drinking did that for me. What my drinking actually did, however, was cause MORE stress in my life because of the consequences that always followed. Instead, I began to get a monthly body massage, got in to counseling, started reading again, picked up a few crochet projects, being outdoors more often, and I'm always working on adding new relaxing things. I also found a sound machine to help me sleep

I'm glad that you didn't drink