Animals/Rescue Replace Addiction?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 40
Animals/Rescue Replace Addiction?
Tried to search to find threads on this topic but couldn't find anything specific, sorry if I missed one.
Has anyone seen addict family members trade their addiction to pills/booze for an addiction to rescuing animals? How have you addressed it with the person addicted? I'm talking obsessed with it to the point that it consumes their life, keeps them from being able to discuss or think about anything else and alienates friends and family members. Thanks for any experience/thoughts.
Has anyone seen addict family members trade their addiction to pills/booze for an addiction to rescuing animals? How have you addressed it with the person addicted? I'm talking obsessed with it to the point that it consumes their life, keeps them from being able to discuss or think about anything else and alienates friends and family members. Thanks for any experience/thoughts.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
It sort of sounds like an obsessive-compulsive disorder-type problem. Is this a sudden thing, as in something that materialized almost immediately once the person got sober? How long has it been going on? Sometimes people who are newly sober do latch onto something like exercise, overdoing it at work, or other "obsessions" that diminish once they settle into sobriety. Other times the alcoholism may have been masking other symptoms of psychiatric problems like OCD.
It's like anything else, I suspect. You can bring up the topic and make them aware of the fact that it's alienating other people, but you can't force them to do anything about it.
It's like anything else, I suspect. You can bring up the topic and make them aware of the fact that it's alienating other people, but you can't force them to do anything about it.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
This is what my sister does. My sister is a recovering alcoholic and powder cocaine addict. Once sober, she would rescue many animals. She has had 12 or more dogs at once, she has had the walls of her place floor to ceiling with fish tanks, guinea pig and chinchilla cages, and bird cages.
We always believed she was simply focusing her anxiety on something else. I'm just grateful she isn't using anymore.
It has made her living arrangements difficult having that many animals.
We always believed she was simply focusing her anxiety on something else. I'm just grateful she isn't using anymore.
It has made her living arrangements difficult having that many animals.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 40
It's been years of it, coinciding with addiction. Animal hoarding for quite a long time, resulting in sick and dead pets and miserable children and a filthy home while dealing/doing meth and pills. Since she's gotten clean (and I can't even guarantee she is) she's switched to rescuing pit bulls. Spends all day online or on the phone, fosters them when she can...it's consumed her life. All 3 of her kids were removed from her over the years and now her oldest daughter (who has 2 small kids of her own) is also obsessed with rescuing animals (again, pretty specifically pit bulls). They both barely have time to speak to family. It's as if they have lost the capacity to empathize or communicate with humans. My niece with the 2 little kids has them living in complete filth with huge dogs that rarely go outside...the dysfunction is mind blowing. It's ripping our family apart.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
I'm really sorry to hear about it, Mavis....but I get it. My sister did not do this until she was clean. The number of dogs she has had at one time used to drive our folks insane. I just keep telling them that there is nothing they can do except draw their own boundaries about how much of the pack she is allowed to bring over when she visits them.
Since there are small children involved whose health might be endangered, have you considered calling DCF?
Since there are small children involved whose health might be endangered, have you considered calling DCF?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 40
I understand it to a point, but this is beyond healthy and keeps her from being able to function in human relationships (in my sister's case). I totally respect people who work to save animals, have 5 rescue cats of my own. But she won't work, depends on my Mom and others to support her to the tune of thousands and thousands of dollars, and puts the animals above even the very family that loves and supports her. As for my niece, she does work for a shelter (of course) but her boyfriend doesn't work, they were kicked out of their townhome and are living in my 68 year old Mom's basement with 2 kids under 3 and 2 huge pit bulls. In essentially one room. You can't see the floor, there is garbage and food and laundry everywhere. My Mom is supporting all 4 of them and the dogs, and she's just had to retire from her lifelong full time job because she's got COPD and is not doing well. They steal from her, take advantage of her and treat her like crap. At this point it doesn't appear drugs or alcohol are involved...just this consuming obsession with pit bulls.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
I created a cat shelter on my property before I got sober. (We had a garden house that we added heaters, insulation, etc to. ) I had become involved years ago with socializing feral kittens and adopting them out. I am allergic but I had an antique store that was open 7 days a week, and the women who worked for me loved cats too. Years later I decided I wanted to do more because it is painful to see so many animals wandering the streets.
I didn't have any animals at home because of my allergies. But since our property is remote and away from traffic I knew it would make a good sanctuary. I took 9 cats from three colonies. All adults, neutered, but since adults pretty much get euthanized I knew that I could provide a much better life than living under dumpsters in a big city.
The impact on our life has been profound….in a good way. The cats : Bonnie, Belle, Midnight, Skoochbutt, Paul, Stretch, PP and Peanut are very loved. The garden house is cozy and warm with fresh water and dry food, we even bit an enclosed catio. At 5pm I whistle and everybody comes running. I give them wet food and they get locked up for the night. We abut a preserve so there are raccoons and other larger animals. They have gone from scrawny alley cats to sleek, plump, purring fur babies. I can hold all of them…our back patio looks like Italy in the summer. Each one is very different, and there are all sorts of complex relationships between them.
The rescuer who brought me the cats is a sober alcoholic (20+ years). She has probably 20 or more cats right now. Her wife who just died was also a sober alcoholic. I know that she is so loving she keeps the cats that would be euthanized. But she is scrupulous about their care and placement. She is at the vet everyday either attending to an issue or having someone spayed.
I know my life has been markedly enriched by helping my little feline family. I know it is a 20 year commitment. I plan for their care if we go away and if we ever move they will be part of our plan.
I am definitely not looking to acquire any more….but I don't think I could turn a straggly stray away. My husband has become a cat lover. When I first hatched the plan I told him 2 ferals….then the rescuers showed up with all these cages. I had to break it to him that there were 9…….let's just say I will forever love this guy who didn't consign me to the cat shed with them.
So maybe it is an alcoholic thing….but with limits, I think it is an amazing thing. I know there are a lot of us animal lovers on all of the SR forums, no wonder I love it here.
I didn't have any animals at home because of my allergies. But since our property is remote and away from traffic I knew it would make a good sanctuary. I took 9 cats from three colonies. All adults, neutered, but since adults pretty much get euthanized I knew that I could provide a much better life than living under dumpsters in a big city.
The impact on our life has been profound….in a good way. The cats : Bonnie, Belle, Midnight, Skoochbutt, Paul, Stretch, PP and Peanut are very loved. The garden house is cozy and warm with fresh water and dry food, we even bit an enclosed catio. At 5pm I whistle and everybody comes running. I give them wet food and they get locked up for the night. We abut a preserve so there are raccoons and other larger animals. They have gone from scrawny alley cats to sleek, plump, purring fur babies. I can hold all of them…our back patio looks like Italy in the summer. Each one is very different, and there are all sorts of complex relationships between them.
The rescuer who brought me the cats is a sober alcoholic (20+ years). She has probably 20 or more cats right now. Her wife who just died was also a sober alcoholic. I know that she is so loving she keeps the cats that would be euthanized. But she is scrupulous about their care and placement. She is at the vet everyday either attending to an issue or having someone spayed.
I know my life has been markedly enriched by helping my little feline family. I know it is a 20 year commitment. I plan for their care if we go away and if we ever move they will be part of our plan.
I am definitely not looking to acquire any more….but I don't think I could turn a straggly stray away. My husband has become a cat lover. When I first hatched the plan I told him 2 ferals….then the rescuers showed up with all these cages. I had to break it to him that there were 9…….let's just say I will forever love this guy who didn't consign me to the cat shed with them.
So maybe it is an alcoholic thing….but with limits, I think it is an amazing thing. I know there are a lot of us animal lovers on all of the SR forums, no wonder I love it here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 40
Jaynie, that sounds wonderful! And I'm not speaking to situations where people find comfort in the love and caring for of needy animals. I'm talking about when it totally takes over a life and consumes it.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Well, you have to do what you have to do.
The family providing funding is just enabling.
It sounds like animal hoarding. This is a health issue now. The COPD may have been caused or may be worse because of this. The City (or County) will come out and force her to limit her numbers if you call them. Are you willing to do that?
The family providing funding is just enabling.
It sounds like animal hoarding. This is a health issue now. The COPD may have been caused or may be worse because of this. The City (or County) will come out and force her to limit her numbers if you call them. Are you willing to do that?
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Originally Posted by supermavis 
I've considered calling DHS, but it involves my Mom as well.
That situation is not only unhealthy for the kids from a cleanliness standpoint, it is bad for the dogs. And pit bulls, although not necessarily vicious by nature, can become so when they are in cramped surroundings with small kids who might get in their way. And they are very powerful animals if they do bite in response to their surroundings.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,910
Please call someone to take these children out of that filthy and highly dangerous environment. The adults in this situation have choices but those innocent babies have NO choice. Someone needs to stand up for them and make sure they are protected.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 40
You're all right, I've just been hesitant to do it because if the kids are taken away it will break my Mom's heart (she's lost so much over the years because of all of this). And the kids father may retaliate. It's such an ugly situation...
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Supermavis...your mother does not ever need to know who reported. After all, these get noticed by people in the community, also.
Like Lexie said, your mother may need an outside "push". Your mother will benefit from help, as well as your sister.
I do get it that, most always--we family members are l oathe to "reporting" and it is usually a last ditch option for an intolerable type of situation.
The legal system has more teeth than most family members do---and, therefore they can enforce boundaries that families can't. Also, they don't suffer the personal that family members do. They look at it as a job to do--even though they may do it respectfully and kindly.
This sounds like it may be to the extent of a mental disorder with your sister....and, she needs help. Professional level help that the family can't directly provide. This may be the o nly way that she can do it.
"Authorities" will work with your sister to refer her or direct her for the right ind of help. They do deal with this a lot...and probably have a good understanding of the underlying pathologies that this could represent.
Everybody could be helped.
There has to be some action taken...because, if nothing changes...nothing changes.
You might have to become an agent of change.....overall, positive change.
dandylion
Like Lexie said, your mother may need an outside "push". Your mother will benefit from help, as well as your sister.
I do get it that, most always--we family members are l oathe to "reporting" and it is usually a last ditch option for an intolerable type of situation.
The legal system has more teeth than most family members do---and, therefore they can enforce boundaries that families can't. Also, they don't suffer the personal that family members do. They look at it as a job to do--even though they may do it respectfully and kindly.
This sounds like it may be to the extent of a mental disorder with your sister....and, she needs help. Professional level help that the family can't directly provide. This may be the o nly way that she can do it.
"Authorities" will work with your sister to refer her or direct her for the right ind of help. They do deal with this a lot...and probably have a good understanding of the underlying pathologies that this could represent.
Everybody could be helped.
There has to be some action taken...because, if nothing changes...nothing changes.
You might have to become an agent of change.....overall, positive change.
dandylion
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 40
True enough, Dandylion. It's pretty crazy how scared I am to upset even this tragic remnant of the family I grew up with. I feel like I've been down this road so many times now, and nothing really changes for the better.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Supermavis...it sure does that your mother needs some "push" from somewhere (and, support also, of course).
Otherwise, it sounds like everybody just waiting for a disaster to happen.
dandylion
***you do not have to be the central focus of this. You can be supportive from the periphery. They never have to know who reported. It could have, literally, been anybody.
Believe me...I am fully aware of how difficult this feels, to you. Sometimes, though, the right thing is also the hardest. Life is like that, sometimes...(often).....
Otherwise, it sounds like everybody just waiting for a disaster to happen.
dandylion
***you do not have to be the central focus of this. You can be supportive from the periphery. They never have to know who reported. It could have, literally, been anybody.
Believe me...I am fully aware of how difficult this feels, to you. Sometimes, though, the right thing is also the hardest. Life is like that, sometimes...(often).....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 40
That's the other thing....my mom, niece and those kids are over 100 miles away from me. Not a lot I can do physically to help if crap hits the fan up there. My Mom and I are close, so maybe I'll ask her what she thinks about all of this. As she's gotten older, sicker and weaker she's also seemed to have given up on wanting a better life for herself, seems resigned to having my niece and her family in her house for the long run. My Dad died a few years ago and he used to be the one to get her back and keep her strong. Now it's just me, and I'm far away with a job/family here so it's hard to get up there.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
