Lasha

Today is day 3 without pills (opiates). Not by choice but because I ran out. I am trying to keep the streak going though, as I don't feel physically bad this time. I posted for the first time yesterday and got some encouraging replies. The problem is sadness, boredom, and depression. I have a 3 day weekend, my kids are home, Christmas toys galore in the house, and I have no drive to do anything. I have to-do list a mile long today and keep telling myself that just a couple more pills will get me through my work today and then it'll be fine! I know it won't though. I just hate this feeling. I want to feel happy.

SoberLeigh

Can you go to the movies? Into the Woods is supposed to be a great family movie.

24hrsAday

i used to smoke pot Lasha and i can Relate to what you are feeling.. with ANY form of substance Abuse you will go though this type of thing.. the only way to REALLY begin to FEEL Better is to get through it.. Detoxing is not an easy pain free thing.. even with pot IMHO. going for a walk is helpful.. getting "out" and doing something Different may help also..

Inchworm

Good for posting. You don't HAVE to get everything done on your to do list, Lasha. Staying clean can be your most important priority today. Do something out of the ordinary - museum, library, sledding (never mind the sledding - you live in Texas!).

SoberLeigh

As for your to-do lost, can you check-off just a few small things a day and devote the rest of the day to soothing activities - taking a walk with the kids, have your man take over the childcare for a few hours while you take a soothing bath or a nap?

Be gentle with yourself.

red3215

Exercise can help, too. Gets those endorphins flowing

Lasha

Thanks guys, I'll use your advice, get out of this house and hit the movies, a hike, the salon, or something !!

doggonecarl

That comes, but not after three days. We are so used to instant gratification, we addicts. We want to feel good, and we want to feel it now. Recovery doesn't work that quickly. You've rewired your brain and it's going to take a little while for happiness to become a natural product of being clean.

Be patient, be strong. The pills lie. The voice in your head telling you the pills will help is lying too.

melki

I feel like that often and it's often something I have to make an effort to push through. The only thing that helps is to get moving.

JanieJ

This ^^^^

Hugs to you, Lasha ((()))

Hang in there, it will be worth it.

Soberwolf

Hugs Lasha try this http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ething-do.html

Aellyce

Hi Lasha.

To follow up on Carl's comment, your post reminded me of a quote by Heather King, from her book Parched :

"I once heard a sober alcoholic say that drinking never made him happy, but it made him feel like he was going to be happy in about fifteen minutes. That was exactly it, and I couldn’t understand why the happiness never came, couldn’t see the flaw in my thinking, couldn’t see that alcohol kept me trapped in a world of illusion, procrastination, paralysis. I lived always in the future, never in the present. Next time, next time! Next time I drank it would be different, next time it would make me feel good again. And all my efforts were doomed, because already drinking hadn’t made me feel good in years.”

I guess we could replace "drinking/alcohol" with pills here... The thing is, that sort of happiness is fake, really... and it's a painful struggle initially to let go of it. But we can unlearn this form of pleasure and then discover other sources of happiness that are not tied to substances, not even holidays, celebrations, and the like. Hang in there, it's really worth going through the initial suffering Great suggestions here about distraction and activities to help you here and now.

HellJuice

boredom was one of the things I feared most about getting sober. The first few weeks are hard because you will be bored out of your mind. But you gotta keep at it until you start finding joy in life even for a minute or two throughout your day while being sober. Soon you'll experience the true happiness of life while feeling reality and not numbed up fake made up happiness that came from a bottle.
It WILL get better. If I can do it, anyone can.

Nuudawn

Recovery is a "thing" that has to be accommodate and scheduled also. I say this only because you mentioned a "to do" list. As far as "to do's" go...well, this is a biggie. We just don't drop an addiction and go about life as previously scheduled. I suspect you will need to give it a wee bit more respect than that... your recovery I mean..not the addiction.

Lasha

Thanks again everyone. My morning started off okay, I made myself get out and run errands. Now in the middle of it I have sunk again, and just want to drop the rest and crawl in bed. That's my problem too. Being that no ome knows, it's hard for me to put my life on hold to recover. I have two kids, work full time, school full time, a small side business, and a husband who lives by time is money. I'm also having a very painful surgery in the next month or so, and know I will have to have pain meds for up to 6 wks to get through it, based on everything I've been told. Also worried about that

SoberLeigh

Have you shared your problems with pill abuse with your surgeon or pain management doctor?

Lasha

No, I have not. Up until this past week, I've been high so I haven't even been thinking about quitting. Therefore, I'll be honest, I didn't want to tell them because I didn't want to ruin my chances of getting a script. Monday I go in for a small day surgery, that won't require meds and will hopefully ease some of the pain. The other surgery though, big deal, long recovery. I'm almost scared to do it, not only because the pills will put me back off track, but also because I'm afraid they won't even help due to my tolerance now.

doggonecarl

That is scary. Six weeks recovery...pain meds, increased tolerance met with increased dosages of pills. Deeper entrenched will be your addiction at the end. Talk to your doctors, please. Secrecy is the dark shadow under which addiction thrives.

doggonecarl

Have you been to our substance abuse forum?

Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Dee74

I think we spent so much time regulating our feelings, we forget how much they can hurt.

I know I was hyper sensitive to any kind of feelings for a while...but it gets better. I absolutely reassure you you will feel happy again - I doubt anyone would stay in recovery if that was not the case

I agree that keeping secrets makes the way harder. You might want to think more on that - not only with your husband but certainly with regards to your Dr at the very least - there are non addictive pain meds out there.

I think you'd be doing yourself a great disservice not to come clean to your Dr and ask about those kinds of options.

D