I've started getting letters

Old 12-27-2014, 04:18 AM
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I've started getting letters

Hi all
feeling a bit stuck. I'm not going back but I'm holding myself from keep going forward.
My AH currently in prison for drug related theft has started writing to me.
I went to visit him in prison 2 months ago. He looked like he was on something but he denied it. I found myself checking his arms his eyes. ...I fell straight back in that easy he also told me he GAVE away my flatscreen TV he said we'll I'm a people pleaser and refused to tell me where it was cause he knows I would get it back ! He also wrote to one of his junkie friends on prison paper and I got a letter on the back of a menu!
I left the prison and thought. ..I'm done I've not been in contact since but he doesn't know the reason why.
He sent me a intimidating letter.....then a lovely Christmas card....then another letter saying I obviously don't care about him and should he stop writing and I'm not interested in his recovery so he won't write what he is doing to change.
I am seeing someone else but we are not serious and he lives 100 miles away.
I have wrote him a letter saying its over. ... but I just can't post it.
What's going on in my head ?
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Old 12-27-2014, 06:35 AM
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what do you think is going on in your head?
you have a husband in prison and your dating someone else........
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Old 12-27-2014, 06:39 AM
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I'm sorry not sure how to take that.
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Old 12-27-2014, 06:54 AM
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well.....we often recommend that we look at THEIR actions and see what they tell us, instead of their words....it's a good process to look at ourselves as well.
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Old 12-27-2014, 08:26 AM
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I understand now. I'm in counselling and reading all about Co dependancy. ... I disagree with you on one part I don't have a husband I have an addict who had shown very little atempt to recover since we got married.
I got support and kindness from this man who literally saved my life as I was so ill due to my marriage. I may be weak but I didn't have the strength to leave or stay.
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Old 12-27-2014, 08:39 AM
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Karrets, as long as you look outside yourself for saving, you will always be in a very vulnerable situation, because people change and relationships change. I hope you will think about what you can do to nurture yourself.
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Old 12-27-2014, 08:44 AM
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I'm trying jjj some days are better than others. I need to post the letter and free myself from this misery. I have spent the last 4 years being lonely and making a mess of things. I feel like I've lost my daughter who is 9 we don't seem to have the same connection at the moment. I just feel like I have messed my life up
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Old 12-27-2014, 08:55 AM
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Another option would be to start throwing his letters in the trash without reading them. Writing him is not necessarily going to make him stop writing you. Maybe it would be worth thinking about why you needed this other man to save you? Why do you think you were only able to feel done with your AH when you met someone new? How would it feel for you to not be involved with anyone romantically? Your life is not over. You're alive and kicking and free to live as you choose.
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Old 12-27-2014, 09:05 AM
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I've never been single. I'm dealing with that with my counsellor. I make poor choices in life cause I want to rescue. I'm scared of I have nobody and I don't want to rely on anyone. Tbh I'm exceedingly independent. ....when I'm with someone else
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Old 12-27-2014, 09:38 AM
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Hi Karrets,

I'm sorry you're going through all of this turmoil. Perhaps it would be a good idea to focus on you and your relationship with your daughter before starting to date. Is your daughter in counseling? If it's hard for us as adults to comprehend the chaos that addiction brings into our lives, imagine how difficult it is for children.

I think that if you want to be in a healthy relationship with someone you first have to be a healthy individual. I know that for me personally I need to take time and heal from everything I went through with my XH's drug addiction before I can even think about dating again. Otherwise, I'm likely to repeat the same pattern and make the same mistakes myself.

Last edited by Sara21; 12-27-2014 at 09:40 AM. Reason: spelling
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Old 12-27-2014, 09:43 AM
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Hi Sara she isn't and believe it or not I'm a counsellor. I think it's going to be a good idea thank you.
Think half the problem is cause I'm a counsellor I separated his addiction instead of looking at me I tried rescuing him. Just can't do it and don't want to do it anymore.
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Old 12-27-2014, 02:35 PM
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it's time to focus on rescuing yourself and your daughter. I guarantee THAT will bring about positive healthy happy results! right now is the time to start making WISE choices!
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Old 12-29-2014, 09:14 AM
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Karrets, you have to find ways to make yourself happy and stop the constant reliance on someone else.

What can you do to build up your connection with your daughter, that should be your #1 focus.

You can do this. Is it hard? Sure, but you already know that. You need to show your child how to live her life so she does not make bad choices in her own future.

XXX
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