daxemus

Day 1 for me. And there have been many day ones. And day 30 and 60 and 90. It's around that point that I start to feel better and it all falls apart again. This time I was up and down for many months, not sustaining any sobriety or clean time for more than a week or two. I was watching it all happen. And I knew where it was going. I didn't do anything to stop it.

I have taken steps 1-8 and started on 9. I have been earnest in the past. I find myself tired of hearing my own voice saying "I'm done". My wife left me tonight. I don't know if this is a one night thing or the start to her moving on from me. It just got so bad so quick.

It spirals.

I want to be someone my wife can respect, someone I can respect. Can I really do this again?

I'd love to hear from anyone with relapse in their history now in sustained recovery. Tell me how you did it.

SoberLeigh

Welcome back, daxemus.

Yes, you can do this; you absolutely can. It is probably the time to re-examine your plan. You mentioned completing some of the steps; did you stop going to AA; did you lose or stop working with your sponsor. Can you get that process going again, with frequent and regular meetings.

Do you have face to face support, counseling?

Can you utilize SR to its fullest? Read, post, respond regularly? Join a Class here? There is a great Class of December and Dee will soon start the Class of January, 2015.

Glad you are back, dax.

daxemus

I was looking for the class Dec 2014 and didn't find it.

I have stopped going to AA. I also qualify for NA, but stopped that, too. I have not been actively working with my sponsor for some time now.

I will go to a meeting today and give my sponsor a call.

desypete

maybe if you make yourself a pact that you will not stop calling your sponsor daily, that you will not stop going to aa and na for say just a year and then look back and see if its worked or if you end up still drinking again ?

the only reason i am almost 11 years sober is because i dont stop doing what i should be doing to stay sober

if i stop doing it then drink will soon come back into my life again

IOAA2

Hi.
In my beginning I’ve been there done that. Something had to change as the handwriting was on the wall, tho I for too long tried to avoid the truth.

This was a lot of years ago when the old timers were tough, you don’t like what we offer, there’s the door come back when you’re ready if you last that long.

I latched onto a new sponsor and he repeated the basics for me: Get honest with yourself about your drinking and accept the fact that I cannot drink in safety one day at a time in a row. Ask for help of MY Higher Power and concentrate on step ONE along with a lot of meetings.

Being undisciplined I reluctantly followed his advice which has resulted in many sober years in which I’m comfortable today in my own skin most of the time.

This procedure requires willing work and changes which becomes easier if we let it.
I think we know the alternative.

BE WELL

SoberLeigh

I'll send you the link.

SoberLeigh

Here it is:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...Class+december

FreeOwl

I have many relapses behind me.... Sometimes daily.

I finally and truly really wanted sobriety.

I shifted my focus from thinking of it as a sentence to thinking of it as a gift. This didn't happen overnight or easily but every day I actively forced myself to look for the GOOD sides of sober life. I sought out sober role models, I thought of sober benefits, I avoided going places I'd be tempted to think about drinking as something I was missing out on.... I began, every day, retraining my own beliefs.

I also embraced AA. I am still working through the steps. I suggest you consider going back to step one - actively and anew. It may be that you have yet to fully and deeply do them all.

I kept AA and SR in my life.

I focused on fitness.

I began doing some real self work in counseling - not about drinking, but about my own life and emotions and growth.

I worked on all possible fronts at being the person I really want to be, and gradually I came to really BELIEVE that person is simply a non-drinker and I feel great about that. Rather than feeling like a victim or broken or lesser.... I feel like I am living a positive alternative by my own choice which makes my life and in some small way the world a better place.

You can too.

JanieJ

Keep trying, one day it will stick. I have had many relapses over the years, dozens.

Although I'm new to sobriety this time around, 11 weeks now, something has changed, and I'm looking at it as inevitable that I simply cannot drink any more. I've had my quota now, time to move on .Also, as Freeowl said, sobriety IS a gift, it really is.

I hope you can come to that acceptance because it makes things a whole lot easier-it took me a long time to understand that I have to change my life, attitude and focus to stay sober in the long term, and also to work at it daily, consciously and honestly.

Soberwolf

Welcome bk

Jsbodhi

Welcome back, I saw you in dec group
So sorry to hear about your wife, my boyfriend left me over a drunken episode too, he came back once he calmed down, hopefully your wife will too.

zeppodog

Been thru many repeated attempts at staying sober, I guess it gets to the point where you get sick of being sick, I'm posting a lot today because the cravings are so bad for some resone, why it's harder on some days than others I don't know. Don't give up or give in.

Anna

For me, I had to fully accept that I would never drink alcohol again, ever, no matter what. After that, my mind began to find healthier ways to deal with upsets in my life and slowly but surely my life changed in a positive way. Do you have balance in your life? For me, this was/is essential to continued recovery.

daxemus

Thank you for the wisdom. I am hearing acceptance from you all differently from how I have in the past.

I heard today on a speaker podcast "Willingness and 'wanting to' are two very different things."

I have been making my decisions on whether I want to or not rather than what I know I need to do.

I spoke with my wife after my meeting. She, too, went to her own support group. We'll find our way, we both believe that.

Committing to a minimum of 90 in 90 and sitting at my second meeting, waiting for it to start.

Willing. Whether I want to or not.

daxemus

SoberLeigh, thank you for the link.

least

I relapsed many times but now have five years sober. I made a promise to myself to not drink no matter what. I kept that promise one day at a time.

Hevyn

Really glad you came back dax. No need to suffer alone - we are here to help. You can have a new start and never go back there.

daxemus

I am really glad I came back, too. Thank you for the love, all.

lunar

I'm here for you.