bird13

ugh. My best friend who is basically my sister called me and told me her father died last night. He passed away from liver cancer, which was just diagnosed a week ago and he had liver cirrhosis for some time. Im so sad. I can't even think.

I almost flew there b/c I knew something was very wrong, I could feel it. She told me tonight, " I cannot tell you or stress how quickly this took my dad. I am telling you, it is real. I am really worried about (My exabf) b/c the end stages of alcoholism are scary. It happens suddenly. I know. My dad died. He should go see a dr. right away. His parents should know how fast this took my dad's life. I am devastated. I can never call him again or talk to him.. I am having to be strong for the family but I feel overwhelmed."

my heart literally aches for her tonight. I feel like alcohol affects everyones lives. I can't think right now. I am so scared for my ex b/c I know he has some pretty similar physical symptoms and I can tell she witnessed something really bad b/c she kept stressing those symptoms are the signs and it is not pretty in the end.


I did all I could. She told me to make my peace, really make my peace with it, b/c this could be very real, and any day it can happen. We never know, I agree with that. I did make my peace with it when I left. I guess tonight I am just really hit with the reality that the liver just cannot support that amount of drinking day in and day out. the entire body depends on it and even though he looked ok, there was a war going on in his body. Awful. Asking your prayers for her and her family. She really needs them. And for me that I can do whatever is necessary to be there for her. Not sure completely what that is right now besides listening.

Thanks.

LexieCat

My second husband almost died from liver failure, but when he finally had a biopsy it showed signs of EARLY cirrhosis and if he quit drinking he would more than likely be just fine. Sadly, he went back to drinking, and somehow, more than 15 years later, he is still alive. I don't know how that can be, but it's true.

I'm very sorry for the loss of your friend's dad. It CAN happen quickly, or it can be very, very slow. I made my peace with it when I left my husband all those years ago. It was up to him to choose to live, and there was nothing I could do to make that choice for him.

waggin

Bird-
I'm so sorry this has happened and that it's also hitting close to home regarding your exabf I know it's hard and I have similar fears with my abf. I try to detach but this part is the most difficult.
Its scary: the amounts over the years. It's so taxing on so many systems. Really devastating to consider. I havent learned an tricks to dealing with that part. When I do, I will toss it your way for sure
I think listening is so invaluable! You are being a great friend by being available for her to talk to.
All the best and take care.
-Waggin

bird13

Lexicat, thanks for sharing. I didn't know that it could be fast like that, or very very slow. I guess she told me the transplant is very difficult to get & he only quit drinking 4 months back. I guess it was not soon enough. I have no experience in grieving death of someone so close, I am not sure if there are things I should know or do. She is having a lot of doubts right now if she did enough. You're right. Up to them to choose to live.

NWGRITS

I am so sorry for her loss and for your pain. There was nothing she could do to stop it, and she needs to know that. The three C's definitely apply: She didn't cause it, couldn't control it, and couldn't cure it. Grieving a loss is hard enough without throwing unnecessary guilt into the equation.

She is right that alcoholics have a hard time getting transplants. They are not considered quality candidates for transplant because of their lifestyles. It is possible to get on the transplant list, but they have to show a real commitment to recovery and show that they will treat that liver better than the one they were born with. Nobody wants to think about how that liver could have gone to someone who would truly appreciate it, instead of an alcoholic who goes back to drinking and kills that one, too. It isn't guaranteed that a transplant recipient would go back to drinking, but the risk is way too high.

LexieCat

Yeah, the thing about livers is that they can take a lot of abuse (some of them, anyway) before cirrhosis begins to set in. And even then the cirrhosis can take a while between the time it is diagnosed and when it progresses to the point where it kills you. Or it might progress very, very quickly. You mentioned liver cancer, too, and I'm not sure what the connection is to drinking, for that. I imagine once the liver is compromised it is more vulnerable, period, but I'm not a medical professional and know very little about liver cancer.

Liver disease doesn't seem to strike all alcoholics, any more than lung cancer or emphysema strikes all smokers. There's certainly a dramatically increased risk, but who gets it depends a lot on your own body and genetics.

Slothy

What does it mean when they have elevated liver enzymes? He's only 43. He also has afib and gets swollen hand/feet face. Is this the start of liver failure?

LexieCat

It's a sign that his liver isn't happy--it doesn't necessarily mean cirrhosis. Lots of alcoholics have elevated liver enzymes, they quit drinking, and a few weeks or months later they are back to normal. The liver has great regenerative powers, at least until serious problems like cirrhosis sets in. The scarring from cirrhosis (which is what cirrhosis actually is--scarred liver tissue) doesn't heal or regenerate, but if it is stopped in time, the remaining parts of the liver can still function.

LexieCat

Oh, and the afib and swollen hands/feet sound more like a heart problem (which can also be damaged by alcohol). Sounds like he'd do well to get a complete workup. Sometimes having a diagnosis and warning from a doctor can convince people how serious the situation is.

Like I said, I don't work in the medical profession--about all I know is what I've learned in researching stuff online and talking to doctors who were treating my alcoholic partner.

Slothy

Afib is definitely from drinking. I think he's getting neuropathy too. MD also says he's on verge of pancreatitis as well. I just don't see him being around in Five years.... Either his heArt or liver. Has anyone heard of this disease taking someone that's only in his early 40's?

LexieCat

I've heard of it taking people in their 20s. Rain In My Heart. (Warning: Sad and HORRIFYING)

heres2hope

My father died of liver cancer, not from drinking, but from hep a which he was born with. His liver developed cirrhosis and the liver cancer can be caused by that. It just in tears the chances. In all the cases I've read, my own experience included, once liver cancer is diagnosed, the end comes fairly quickly, which is honestly as relief. Simply because it's really not pleasant at all.

Personally I feel that As need to go for a checkup every year. I'm currently fighting with AH about getting himself checked because he's exhibitjng some alarming (to me) symptims. He is able to explain every symptom away. I have let it drop. He will do what he wants so I'm not going to waste my energy on it. I hope everyone else is more successful than I am!

MissFixit

As tough as it is, your exabf has every right to live his life how he wants. If he wants to abuse his body, then he can. We all have choices and consequences for those choices.

Eauchiche

I know that a couple of years ago my liver panels were all whacked out. I quit drinking in March, and by August everything was great. My PA knows about my history with drinking, so he paid especial attention the the liver enzymes.

peaceofpi

On the subject of liver disease, I found this program from Great Britain enlightening: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixA-...ature=youtu.be

I am sorry for you and for your friend and for all who suffer from the devastation that this disease causes to livers, to brains, and to families.

bird13

Thanks for all your replies. I actually find this thread interesting b/c after I made that post I did some research on it at her request, learned a whole lot about stages of the liver. Surprised that a 30 year old can have cirrhosis even though he is 30, or 20. Just depends on how much drinking he has already done. Learn something new everyday.

from what I could understand from her, she said something like the liver cancer can happen as a result of the cirrhosis. He kept drinking once he knew he had the cirrhosis, and by the time he got the cancer, it spread in a few weeks to his heart. She said b/c the liver could not process all that was happening, it was sending fluids to other parts of his body, stomach, feet, hands, head, etc. and they had to drain it. Just difficult to think about.

queenapple

My RAH( but separated) had a liver transplant 7 years ago; he had to show that he'd been sober for at least 6 months before the transplant. He started drinking secretly around a year ago and I found out in May and made him move out. If I had known now what I know now, I wouldn't have moved heaven and earth to get him on the transplant list and have the transplant. We moved to Florida for 4 months, totally putting my life on hold, missing my granddaughter's birth, work and most of my daughter's pregnancy.

Worst decision of my life.

LexieCat

After my alcoholic second husband almost died from liver failure, he was briefly sober and we got married during that time. I thought no WAY would he ever go back to drinking after what he learned was happening to his body.

Well, guess what. We lived together only a few months after we married--he went back to drinking, lost his job, showed no signs of willingness to recover. I had gone through one deathbed vigil and I was bound and determined not to stick around for another one, self-inflicted.

If it weren't for the occasional drunken phone call from him over the past 17 years, I wouldn't know he is still alive (and I'm truthfully astounded that he is). t have no clue what has happened with his health--whether he's been hospitalized, for how long, or for what. I can't imagine he's been in good shape, but I'm SO thankful I don't have to watch what's going on with him.