bignasty

I see a woman most days between the ages of 50-75(who knows she has "alcoholic skin/face) and every day I see her I see her walk a bit, maybe 50 yards stop have a look around and when she thinks no-one is looking she takes a cheap bottle of cider out her hand bag and takes a swig. This carries on and on until I cannot see her, I thought I was the only one who noticed this until I told my girlfriend and she says she knows who she is and lives near her sister.

We both don't know if she has a family or whatever but she must do this until she gets to the shop to buy more drink or just to pass the time and get drunk. I did see her once standing by the main road watching traffic, and when I passed again on the way back 3 hours later was doing the exact same thing.

My question to everyone is what would you do in this situation? Would you approach her?(She always smiles when she walks past so I don't know if she is kinda showing herself to be approachable). Or do you just mind your business and just hope that she will see the light on her own?

It really a sad sight and a real shame.

Pondlady

If it were me, I'd say hello and possibly engage in some friendly small talk. She could be very lonely and need a kind word.

Dee74

Yeah there's no harm in being friendly, but personally, out in the street, I never talk about recovery unless the other person brings it up.

D

bignasty

Thank you, you both are thinking exactly what I was thinking of doing, just smile say hello and bring up the weather or whatever and do this everytime I pass until I can have a little conversation up.

I wouldn't blatantly go in and say "oh you shouldn't/should do this or that" or even worse "I seen you......." It's just that I have a very I dunno what you would call nature but I get involved too much in other people's lives because I hate to see people waste them, but yeah that is what I will do, just try and get involved in some small chit chat with her, thank you to the two of you

desypete

she is living in her own world and if that world isnt causing her any harm then why would you want to approach her ?

it has to come from her first, she is the one who needs to find help if indeed she wants it

i know lots of people who live like you describe, there only way out will be death but i think they have come to accept that as they dont seem to want any help

the help is out there for anyone if they want it

i try to educate tramps out on the street it normaly costs me a couple of pounds to buy there time and they will listen for a moment or to and agree with me that they need help while all the time there only after some money to go and buy there booze

my hope is that one day maybe one of them might just want to have a try at getting sober but i accept for most there just going to die out on the streets as they really have nothing left to live for

we all need hope and the lower down people go the more the hope fades. but it really doesnt matter if any of the tramps want to change or not to me as i just know those guys help me more than i can ever say

but when dealing with people who are not homeless etc i would say if you approached her she might very well tell you to mind your own business or even deny she drinks at all ?

if you know where she lives how about droping some sort of leaflet through her door ?

ScottFromWI

You could certainly say hello if she engaged conversation, but there is nothing you could do or say that will affect her decision to drink. Only she can "see the light" for herself.

Aellyce

I think I know how you may be feeling... I also sometimes feel strongly about a specific stranger who sparked my interest for whatever reason, to get to know more about them (often not with the intention to help, just curiosity). Sometimes I resist the motivation but I've also learned to act on it other times if it does not get out of my head, because sometimes connections that started this way led us to very good places. It's just how to do it safely...

I would probably take this as anyone I could regularly encounter but not in a context that's direct enough to easily provide opportunities for interaction. Like others said, say hello and maybe a few neutral but kind words if she responds. I definitely would not say anything related to her condition or drinking. Next day say a bit more, and so on. Then take it from there. It's hard to predict how any new encounter will turn out but if you feel inspired to know more about her, go ahead if you think it's safe for you to do.

PurpleKnight

No harm in saying hello!!

It's something I've tried to do more and more in everyday life in general, to be more engaging with what/who is around me, rather than my old ways of being in my own bubble half the time!!

Soberwolf

Nice post

Inchworm

Maybe there really aren't any coincidences. Say hello.

WritingFromLife

I have NEVER gone wrong being friendly to a stranger-with just a smile and a hello. Not once. Whether they are in this woman's shoes or in line behind me at Target. Most people are happy you actually acknowledge their presence. I had a rough past couple of years--felt very, very vulnerable and sad---all it took was one person to pass a kind word--and I held on to that for a very long time. No one is trying to change anyone--you are just being compassionate and humane!

Ruby2

A friendly hello is never amiss. I wouldn't discuss what you've seen. That is up to her. I used to see a woman standing outside my office building do the same thing. It was so obvious. But, I never approached her. She wouldn't have appreciated it and would likely have seen it as interference. All I could do was be grateful that it wasn't me.

I sometimes see a guy I know who is an alcoholic. He goes to AA meetings once in a while. When it is cold and he wants a cup of coffee. He knows the 12 steps. He can discuss them inside, out, backwards and forwards. He choose to drink. Doesn't want to quit.

One has to make the choice alone. When you make the choice, them you can assemble the army of supporters to help because even though the choice is up to us, most people can't do it alone.

ArtFriend

There was a homeless woman who used to stay in the garage next to my mom's house. The guy who lived next door never used his garage. Mom told him about this woman and he didn't mind her sleeping in there. Days she would wander the streets with her shopping cart and dig stuff out of the trash. I tried to approach her, but she was very timid and afraid. I asked if I could help her find a shelter, but she did not want it. She managed to get by somehow. I just left her alone after that.

bignasty

Thank you EVERYONE who has commented on this thread. I know it is very naïve of myself just to think that I can change someone just because I have found sobriety(and only just recently may I add) that I can somehow alter someone's views and perceptions so easily.

It is probably just because I have recently found it and can believe everyone else can as well, Thank you

Soberwolf

Hi Big nasty at least you care enough to think about doing such things

You can always do a bit of volenteering for the homeless etc

your doing well friend

bignasty

Thank you Soberwolf, I actually do a bit of volunteering indirectly for the homeless with the Salvation Army.

Thank you for the kind words

Soberwolf

Amazing big nasty i done a bit with my local hospital

Awesome my friend